When the going gets tough…



After a lot of typing and hitting the backspace, this is my third attempt at coming up with something that is not depressing. No, today was not depressing. But I’m getting bothered by certain minor issues, which would not have happened if I had found a good friend out here. I miss sitting down and talking to someone (like a specific someone), just letting out my emotions, frustrations and everything…so that I can get it all off my mind and have new experiences. Right now, I’m trying to create the void, the empty space which I could fill up with new memories and experiences. I seem to be failing very badly. Loneliness is a bitch, I tell you. Yesterday, while walking back from my workplace, I was so intensely reminded that I have nowhere else to go (except work and home)…more than that, I was painfully reminded that I have no one I can be with. I mean, I don’t have a close friend with whom I can make after-work plans, spend time with, talk to, laugh with; a person I can always turn to.

Do you see what I meant by the first line? I don’t want to sound helplessly depressed. So, moving on…last night, I had an awesome experience. I was up whole night, talking to one of myΒ house-mates. She is leaving in a couple of days. So, we were just having some coffee and talking. After a while, when it began raining, both of us sneaked out of the house, went up onto the terrace and stood there for some time. We talked, watched the sky, thought about our lives, got lost in our own worlds and shared the same awe and fascination as we looked up at the moon, the clouds, the stars. At that moment, I felt an inexplicable connection with her. Connection, and a pain when I realized she wouldn’t be with me, after a couple of days.

Everyone’s busy with their lives, caught up in their own joys, sorrows and problems. But experiences like this literally pull you out of your little bubble. And you open your eyes to what you’re missing.

We (my housemate and I) were up until almost 4:30 am, talking, spending time. I loved being with her. And wished she didn’t have to go. But, sometimes, letting go is the only way you can get something for yourself, only way to realize how much it means to you. Doesn’t make sense? I think I should go back to my nonsense and crap. Atleast that way, you’d know there is no point in trying to make sense of it. πŸ™‚



19 thoughts on “When the going gets tough…

    • It’s not that she left me, just that we are away from each other. But yeah, pretty much the same thing, when you think about it. Sounds like you’ve been through a similar situation. πŸ™‚

  1. Couple of years back I too had the drenching-in-rain experience with one of my friends,, It was breathing.. on your last line… not everything in life has a reason or conclusion.. sometimes we need to let things appear and disappear without thinking anything πŸ™‚

    • Hah! You know what? Just last week, I told the same thing to one of my friends – that not everything in life has to be figured out, not everything has a reason. I tend to forget my own philosophies, I guess. Thank you for the reminder.

  2. Your blog just took me back to my college memories…the best memories of my life in college always took birth in my sorrows and hardships in college…me and my friends used to spend nights lying on the terrace…staring at the beautiful night sky…listening to some romantic songs or symphonies…puff a few cigarettes..and opening our heart to each other…every nightsky would be different and more beautiful than the other…u could never get bored of her beauty…u could never take ur eyes off the sky…when the moon is full and out on a clear sky..and ur bathed in the moonlight..you kinda feel a warmth in ur heart..

    We would even stay to see the sunrise…the dawnsky is another beauty…especially with the world waking up around u…

    I even used to do it alone…I learned to enjoy my lonliness…use your lonliness to learn more about yourself…ponder over the problems ur facing…when u think a lot about something from all angles, u’ll be able to see it in a whole new light..

    Keep up the blogging…and ignore my philosophies πŸ™‚

    • I was taken aback by this comment, mostly because of the similarity of thoughts we share. I LOVED it! I’ve learnt (the hard way) that: sorrow can lead to some awesome experiences in life, I can never get enough of the night sky, the dawn sky can feel like something that belongs to me (solely me) and that solitude is beautiful. I have learnt a lot about myself through loneliness. It’s just that, when I wrote this post, I was feeling really low. And lonely. Loved your philosophies, so, I won’t be ignoring them. Thank you so much for the comment.

  3. ‘Letting go’ doesn’t always mean saying goodbye to someone. It can also mean letting go of inhibitions that keep you from becoming friends with someone new. I was painfully shy as a teen and young adult. It was so hard to talk to people and let them know the inner me. If I hadn’t decided to ‘let go’ of those restricting feelings, I wouldn’t have found the close friends that my roommates became. πŸ™‚

  4. Pingback: Rain, Rain, Come Again :) | Thinkingg Out Loud

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