Thoughts in Loops

A remarkable snippet from the conversation I had with someone I met today –

He: You are not happy with your life

Me: Nothing like that, I am happy about where I am right now.

He: No, you are not. 

Me: No, seriously, I am. I’m happy with my job… 

[Interrupting] He: It’s not about the job…

Me: I understand. I’m happy with my job, I love the place, I love the people. OK, I admit I don’t love the place where I stay but that’s not such a big deal. Basically, I am happy with stuff…but on the whole, if you ask me, I can’t say I’m completely happy. There’s something…

He: It’s incomplete.

Me: Exactly! [smiling wide as the realization strikes, thinking “That’s it, that’s what I couldn’t place all this while, there’s something missing.”]

Tries asking if he is happy, to know if he feels the incompleteness too. Seems he doesn’t, he is happy with life. Ok, so why am I not happy? Too screwed up in the head? What’s wrong with me? Wonders aloud what could be causing the insufficiency. 

[Answers my thoughts] He: Freedom! 

Me: Exactly! [Thinking “How the hell does this guy come up with all the answers for my life?”]

And, like some light just dawned on me, I realize what’s missing in my life. The freedom to live life the way I want. I don’t want restrictions. I want to be let free completely, so that I can choose between right and wrong by myself, make some mistakes, learn and live life. This realization kinda opened my eyes (thanks to the awesome guy who helped).

After seeing him off, I was walking back. On the way, I had another thought…a line that this same person had mentioned a few days ago. And, at that moment, as we moved far away from each other, that line came back to me. And I knew he was right. ‘I fear I won’t be the same anymore, after meeting you.’ I’m not the same anymore. Nothing is the same anymore.

I got back sometime ago. I had these two thoughts going around in my head in loops (bits for the day). And I knew I had to blog about it. Today has also changed my perceptions about railway stations. 😉

6 thoughts on “Thoughts in Loops

  1. Change is the only constant, so they say. When one is in their twenties, their lives are rife with changes; new jobs, new homes, new friends, new experiences – some good, some not so much. We leave the safety of our parents’ home and strike out on our own and it can be scary when nothing is the same as it was and nothing feels familiar.

    Despite what you think, you do have freedom – not all the time, perhaps because you have the responsibility of showing up for work every day, but once work is over, you have the freedom to explore your surroundings, talk to whomever you like, or not, as the mood strikes you. For the moment, you have no children to care for, no partner to share time with. Finances might limit where you go or who you must live with, but for the most part, this is the time in your life when you can be a little selfish and do the things that please YOU. I hope you will find happiness in the small freedoms you have at the moment. 🙂

    • Last day, a colleague asked me why people blog. He didn’t see sense in why people would bother talking about their thoughts, personal lives and experiences, expecting others would be interested in reading all that. While reading your comment, I realized that this is one reason why I blog. Because it is different when a complete stranger from another corner of the globe shares their thoughts with you, puts things into a different perspective for you. Your comment has done exactly that. I’m in search of a greater freedom. But thank you so much for reminding me that I should try enjoying the small freedoms I have right now. 🙂

  2. Pingback: Day 45 – A picture of someone you miss | Nizy's Life Compendium

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