For someone who has loved blogging so much, I’m shocked at what’s happening. I used to read almost all the Freshly Pressed posts, regularly visit the blogs I follow and write out the stupid thoughts in my head. And now, WordPress is a site that is near yet far away. I check out the titles of the FP posts every morning but don’t find the time to read any. Though, yesterday I read a couple of them. And I realized that it had been ages! While commenting on a post I liked, I felt like my blogging skills had gotten kinda rusty. It felt a bit foreign to me; I had been out of touch for far too long.
It’s been gnawing at me for quite a few days now. Many of my friends have been asking me about why I haven’t blogged for so long. Their questions have added to the pangs of guilt that I’ve been experiencing lately. So, since it was a peaceful, lazy Sunday, I thought I’d get down to it…and retrieve one of my most ardent passions.
The only excuse/reason I have for my prolonged absence is – lack of time and motivation! Nothing else. I’m seriously demotivated as far as work is concerned. There’s a lot of crap happening and it takes its toll on me, personally…ruins my happiness and peace of mind. Each day, I wake up, I dread the thought of going to work…but pull myself up and go through the day, longing to get back home and hit the bed! I had nothing to blog about, except a bunch of messed up, negative thoughts. I felt no urge to write out.
But then, when you’re passionate about something and you stay away from it for some time, it doesn’t take long for you to notice how much you miss it. And that’s how I began missing blogging. I missed the excitement of opening up my Dashboard page every day, reading the comments, replying to them, thinking up new posts, looking forward to the response for it…
I’ve had people trying to motivate me, make me feel better. But, somehow, nothing works. At the end of the day, it has to come from me, I suppose. And, why it hasn’t come from me? Because there’s something missing. Something required to help me motivate myself. I can’t quite put my finger on it. What I know for sure is that there’s a void in my mind, right now. I’m trying, thinking of possible ways to fill up that yawning space within. There’s no lack of happiness, if you ask me. It’s the motivation to go on that’s absent. The feeling that I should give it my best and be the best.
Anyway, on a good note, I’m looking forward to the super-awesome phase that will certainly follow this super-crappy phase. 🙂