Strangers Breed Homesickness

Most of my friends were really happy after reading the previous post. Maybe I should write more of those – happy, chirpy posts.

Just now, while chatting with Ann, she asked me why I wasn’t posting anything. I told her I didn’t know what to write and I didn’t want to post nonsense. She, being far cleverer than me, pointed out that our mind is never devoid of thoughts, that all I had to do was pick one, write about it. And then, it struck me – she is right! There are such a lot of thoughts in my head. Now, when I sat down to blog, all the thoughts came rushing into my mind. And I don’t know what to write about.

Ann was telling me about how I used to post everyday, once upon a time…and how she used to love it. Well, I miss those times, too. Those were times when I used to stay back at the college lab until 8pm just so that I could blog in peace. Times when I couldn’t go a single day without blogging (which was kinda bad on you readers, since you had to read all the bullshit I came up with).

I think I’ve gone down a notch in terms of confidence, because you need a hell lot of confidence to write shit and publish it for the whole world to see. And now, when I think of doing that, I hear this voice in my head pulling me back, telling me I should not do anything that could make my readers hate me. You know what? I’m done listening to the stupid voice. Because, more than pleasing readers, I’m here to write, find happiness in it and just be myself. So, I took a decision. I’m not going to try too hard to please anyone, I’m just going to write/blog and be happy. Makes sense, right? ย ๐Ÿ™‚

There are times when I miss college very badly. More than the place, I miss the experience of having familiar faces all around. I knew people, they knew me. There’s a certain sense of comfort when you’re surrounded by people you know, finding some familiar faces everywhere. Like there’s always someone or the other you can go to, you are not alone (unless you want to be). That’s something I miss about college.

Over here, I see so many strangers while walking to and from work. I meet so many strangers at work. Strangers I’m getting closer to. But strangers, nonetheless. And it gets really distressing, sometimes. You don’t know if you can open up, trust or be yourself with someone. After a certain point, you get tired of being careful, and wish you could let your guard down. You long to see a face you know, a face that would beam with recognition on seeing you. I’m going through that phase right now. The initial excitement of being at a new place, meeting new people and all that has subsided (begun to, actually), giving way to the homesickness that I had been ignoring all this while.

I miss people, being around people I know. I miss my family. I miss places, knowing where to go, seeing familiar places & spots. I know it will pass. Until then, I just have to deal with it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Have you ever experienced anything of this sort? If yes, how did you get over it?ย 

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Blah Blah from the Whirlwind Zone

The past few days have been something like a whirlwind. Now, when I look back, all of it seems to have blended together and I’ve lost track of what happened when. I don’t seem to have time for anything, but ask me what I’m busy with and I have no answer to that!ย This place (the whole locality, not just my home) does not have life, especially not when you’re away from people you love. So, being busy helps me take my mind off other (read: depressing) thoughts.

Over the past few days, I’ve had some experiences revolving around friendship. A recent friend of mine – someone whom I know through chats and mails for the past two months or so – chose to be completely honest with me. It was unexpected because he is a stranger and I’d never have found out the truth. And, to be frank, it wouldn’t have mattered much even if he hadn’t told me. But he did. And I loved him for that. That shows how much he respected our friendship.

Another person who was supposedly something akin to a best friend did something that I wouldn’t even dream of doing to a best

BFFs ๐Ÿ™‚

friend. Again showing the person’sย respect for our friendship. And the third incident…I got a new friend, through another awesome friend of mine. From what I’ve felt so far, we seem to be connecting very well. I was feeling kinda low when we spoke today (I didn’t tell him that, though). Anyway, talking to him distracted me enough to make me laugh and feel better. ๐Ÿ™‚ย It takes time to identify good friends…and don’t even ask about true friends. Those are rare species!

I was chatting with Ann today. I miss her so much, I miss our stupidities, crazy times, silly fights, everything. As if to add to my despair, almost everything around me reminds me of home. Right when I’m trying to forget. In the past one week, today was the first time I truly & seriously wished that I hadn’t come back, that I hadn’t left home. Not just because I miss Ann. There’s a lot more to it. But then, how would I get to experience something new if I stayed in the comfort zone of my home sweet home? How else would I know what it feels like to be part of a whirlwind (job-hunting, home-hunting, blah blah)? Atleast, that’s what I tell to console myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

[While thinking of a suitable title, I connected my habit of rambling and the whirlwind I’m in…and TADAAA! I got a crazy, stupid title! Please excuse the absurdity for now, this was the best I could come up with!]

Miss Me While I’m Gone…

By this time tomorrow, I’ll be in a different country…and when I say different, I mean different in every possible way. As different as heaven and hell, if you ask me. And the funniest part – that is supposedly myย homeplace! I know this (leaving) is completely my decision and nobody else’s. But that doesn’t stopย me from feeling sad. Nothing will, in fact.

I know I haven’t posted anything during the past few days. Well, I’ve been shopping, trying to spend time with Ann, packing, blah blah. I must have opened up the ‘add new post’ page atleast twice each day…but never felt like writing anything. And, even if I had, I’m positive it wouldn’t have been worth publishing. I hate lamenting in public (all those depressing, emo status updates in Facebook? I HATE THEM!). I didn’t want to end up doing something I hate.

Time to leave, I suppose…

So, I’m leaving tonight…will reach God’s Own Country by early morning. I don’t know how long I’ll have before I leave to Bangalore. But I have a lot of travelling to do before that. I’ll probably have to meet Merlin on Wednesday, go to college to get some certificates and stuff, meet up some friends, so on. I’m glad I’ll have enough to keep me distracted. I wouldn’t want too much time by myself, I know I’ll be reminded of the fact that I’m away from home.

I have no clue when I’ll be posting next. It will take some time. So, while I’m away trying to settle down into a new phase in life, do bear with my silences and occasional laments. I’m going to miss this space, just as much as I’ll miss home. I’ll try my best to be back soon. Wish me good luck. And, most importantly…Miss me! ๐Ÿ™‚

Painting Happiness

It’s amazing how small things can help us realize great lessons. Lessons that can sometimes turn your day around! ๐Ÿ™‚ Read on, and you will understand what I’m talking about.

Well, yesterday morning, I met up with Saba. We spent almost over 5 hours or so at her place. All we did was talk, eat and watch TV for a (very very) short while. Anyway, it did a hell lot of good to me! I felt so much better, just being with her. I admit there were times when I kinda fell back into my distracted, moody phase but never for long. We spoke about a lot of random stuff – movies, songs, friends, her life, my stuff, Osama bin Laden (yeah, ย you read it right!), so on. ๐Ÿ˜€ Just wish I could have stayed longer. But she had work and we had no other option. I was in a perceptibly good mood once I got back home.

When Ann came back from school, she showed me a painting she had done. She

From the Windows Of Jupiter – Gerardo Gomez (click to know more)

isn’t really into painting, doesn’t do it so well or anything but likes to dabble at everything. And, so, she tries to paint out her thoughts in her own weird ways. Only she can make sense of her paintings. I love trying to interpret her paintings with crazy thoughts. [Note: The painting on the right looked like a really happy one probably because of the vibrant colours, which is why I chose it.]

Anyway, this particular painting had a yellow dome-like structure in the middle with some black lines outlining it. Thanks to her help, I understood that it was supposed to be a gate. Underneath the gate, there were thick streaks of yellow, blue and black (horizontally). Ok, like all of you, I was clueless when she showed it to me. And I asked her what it means (she loves explaining her paintings!).

Firstly, it depicts a kind of fantasy world. According to her, the layers/streaks of colours show the different layers separating the ‘world’ from the ‘gate to happiness’. Black stands for sadness & negative emotions while blue is a more positive layer and yellow, of course, denotes happiness. I LOVED the whole idea (I always love her ideas, they are so novel and different).

But, when I looked closely at the painting, I noticed another possible interpretation. It could have been a painting of how our mind is… The layers represent different emotions, starting from the depressive, negative thoughts (black), the slightly positive ones (blue) and then the happy ones (yellow)…finally leading to the gate of happiness, which lies deep within all of our minds. Only when we navigate through these different, deep layers and go deep into our minds will we find happiness. Happiness is found within, after all.

This is what I meant by the very first sentence…how small things can teach us great lessons. How the seemingly silly painting by my little sister could make me see something so profound and immense! I know I’m sad, and now, I’m trying to overcome it…by going deeper into myself…because that’s the only way out. ๐Ÿ™‚ I already knew it, but I guess I had to be reminded. I won’t find joy (that lasts) anywhere else, for it lies within.

So, what’s the one great lesson that you have learnt from a quite small/trivial incident?ย 

 

This is another picture Ann drew. I LOVE it. Maybe because it’s from a different angle and perspective. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

How’s Life ?

Last day, while chatting with Merlin, she asked me how I was feeling. And ย I told her, without a second thought, that I was feeling great! She asked me if there was a specific reason and I didn’t have any. I mean, I’m just happy. I’m not exactly doing much over here. In fact, all I do is catch up with the movies/music I missed, read, loaf around, talk to Ann, so on. If I were back at Kerala, I’d probably be telling you about how bored and fed up I’m with the same situation.

There’s something about this place that really connects to me…brings back the happiness that I don’t feel elsewhere! I feel more myself, happier …and the best part is I don’t feel the need to search for happiness. Back there, I used to feel like something is missing, that I need to search for that ‘something’ to make myself feel better. Over here, I can sense a kind of completeness from within. ๐Ÿ™‚ Which is exactly why I love this place!

Every time I come here on vacation, I rediscover the zeal for life…then, I go back and lose it… only to come here and find it again. It’s incredible how places can have so much of influence on you, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m in love with RAK for the sheer joy it always gives me…for the way it awakens all my dreams and hopes!ย How’s life going with you? ๐Ÿ™‚ย