Thoughts in Loops

A remarkable snippet from the conversation I had with someone I met today –

He: You are not happy with your life

Me: Nothing like that, I am happy about where I am right now.

He: No, you are not. 

Me: No, seriously, I am. I’m happy with my job… 

[Interrupting] He: It’s not about the job…

Me: I understand. I’m happy with my job, I love the place, I love the people. OK, I admit I don’t love the place where I stay but that’s not such a big deal. Basically, I am happy with stuff…but on the whole, if you ask me, I can’t say I’m completely happy. There’s something…

He: It’s incomplete.

Me: Exactly! [smiling wide as the realization strikes, thinking “That’s it, that’s what I couldn’t place all this while, there’s something missing.”]

Tries asking if he is happy, to know if he feels the incompleteness too. Seems he doesn’t, he is happy with life. Ok, so why am I not happy? Too screwed up in the head? What’s wrong with me? Wonders aloud what could be causing the insufficiency. 

[Answers my thoughts] He: Freedom! 

Me: Exactly! [Thinking “How the hell does this guy come up with all the answers for my life?”]

And, like some light just dawned on me, I realize what’s missing in my life. The freedom to live life the way I want. I don’t want restrictions. I want to be let free completely, so that I can choose between right and wrong by myself, make some mistakes, learn and live life. This realization kinda opened my eyes (thanks to the awesome guy who helped).

After seeing him off, I was walking back. On the way, I had another thought…a line that this same person had mentioned a few days ago. And, at that moment, as we moved far away from each other, that line came back to me. And I knew he was right. ‘I fear I won’t be the same anymore, after meeting you.’ I’m not the same anymore. Nothing is the same anymore.

I got back sometime ago. I had these two thoughts going around in my head in loops (bits for the day). And I knew I had to blog about it. Today has also changed my perceptions about railway stations. 😉

Being A Victim of Carnal Imprisonment

[Written yesterday]

The day was good. I took the first step towards a new plan, work is going great, I’m considerably happy and, my blogging is getting back on track. I admit I’m getting busier at work, which has its positives and negatives. I have lots to be occupied with, enough and more to do…but that also means I get very less time to relax, I can get easily stressed out. Which is why I’m thinking of new plans to add some life to my day.

The bit for today comes from the stress I’ve been feeling at work. Post-lunch hour, I feel very lazy and find it difficult to feel as enthusiastic as I do during the earlier hours. Anyway, past two or three days were exceptionally tiring. More than just tiring, I get this dull headache and want to go home so badly. Yesterday, it was worse. During the past three days, I have been feeling suffocated, kind of stifled (finally, found the right word).

So, a couple of days ago, I was experiencing this suffocated/stifled sensation and I stepped out onto the mini-balcony area for a while. I felt so much better, feeling the wind on my skin, being surrounded by so much space…and all of a sudden, I felt restricted by my body. Because, at that moment, I wanted to go out, run, fly…and I felt like my body was holding me back, chaining me! Then came a thought that surprised me…the voice in my head talking to myself – “I want to break free, get out of my body.” It was a very new thought – amusing and also shocking, in some ways. That day, I distinctly felt like someone who was imprisoned in her own body, like I literally wanted to get out of my body and give some life to my soul.

The concept of ‘soul’ has always been kinda…beyond understanding, reasoning and explanation. Yet, sometimes, you have experiences that sort of point at its presence. Like the one I had a couple of days ago. Honestly, it’s the first time I’m going through a thought/experience of that sort. Which is why it ended up being the bit! 

Ever felt like you want to get out of your body? Crazy question, I know. 

Bits & Pieces

I know I’ve been super-lazy. I haven’t been posting as regularly as I used to. Even when there’s enough and more happening in my life. So, like I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m going through a good phase in life. I’m learning so many new things, going through some great experiences, realizing, thinking… I was extremely demotivated with things at work, for a while, and now, I’ve started pushing myself to put in my best.

So, at this point, I guess it’s natural that my blogging gets better, too. Yesterday, I found this blog while going through some random blogs – 53 weeks. The basic concept behind it is – a theme is chosen, and a photograph based on this theme is posted each week, for 53 weeks. Do check it out! I love the photography! Well, it got me thinking. Each week, out of all the photographs the person takes, he has to choose one that deserves to be given focus, to be featured as the photograph of the week. It’s kind of like order in chaos, because when there’s a lot and you focus on one (of anything, for that matter), there’s a sort of clarity, a light.

And I realized I could use that thought for my blog, too. Not necessarily or solely using photographs, though. What I have in mind is – pick out one striking thing about each day, blog about it. It could be a thought, an incident, a song, something someone said, something I read or saw, a realization, a person, anything. Absolutely anything. Out of all that happens in a day, concentrate on one striking moment. Let’s call it the bit of the dayI’m planning to do this on a daily basis, or atleast post on alternate days. And I’m going to try my best not to let my laziness get in the way.

Let’s start off with today. When I think of what to blog about, I usually fall short of ideas & thoughts. But now, when I try to pick out one remarkable incident, so many come to mind. Anyhow, I already know what today’s bit is going to be – the thought that I got from 53 weeks. Ever since I came across the site, the thought of doing something similar for my own blog has been in mind. I’ve been thinking about it whole day. The idea happened by chance. It’s different, thought-provoking and awesome (like me?). It’s going to get me thinking, give life to my (sporadic) blogging habit, give me a chance to focus on some thoughts/instances that I would have otherwise neglected. I’m sure it’s going to be a great experience. So there! I’ve started off!