Thinking Away (as always!)

Some of my most wayward and deepest thoughts were born while travelling. I love travelling. It’s like a transition phase, where you go from one place to another, passing through so many strange places. I have always held a peculiar sense of fascination for travelling, that act of journeying from one point to another. While on the way to some place, I have always felt a desire to just go on travelling. As in, I don’t want to reach the destination, I want the path to go on. I love that in-between phase. And during travelling, I get so much time to indulge in thoughts. I let my mind wander around, taking in the people around me, observing the places I pass, the happenings on the way.

A DTC bus on a Delhi ring road, travelling on ...

During the one week I was away, I did a hell lot of travelling. And, needless to say, I have had so many interesting thoughts. Once, while I was in the bus, I noticed how it was so weird that around 40-50 (or more) people came together, in close contact or proximity with each other, for a short time span and then went off on their different ways. That is what happens in a bus, right? You have some 50 other strangers around you, all so close to you (physically) and going in the same direction, atleast for some time. So many people with a lot of different lives, hopes, dreams and problems. Yet bound to you in an odd way, because you’re all in the same vehicle, on the same path to somewhere.

I was struck by the singularity of the situation. When I looked around, I found so many unknown people around me…people who were going the same way, sitting so close to me, yet living worlds apart…making no effort to know the person sitting next to them, just plain lost and immersed in their own worlds. Have you ever thought about how many such strangers you meet on your way to and from work (or any place, for that matter)? It’s like, for those few minutes or hours, you are all bonded by the journey…kind of like your destinies have come together…and then, you are lost. [I just realized that I LOVE that last line, the sheer imagination behind that thought.] 🙂

I always wonder what kind of person must be the one sitting next to me, what kind of life he/she leads, so on. If it didn’t seem like an intrusion into their privacy, I guess I’d have tried to ask them and find out! 🙂

Another time, while in the bus (again), I was listening to music. And I noticed that each song made me think of something related to college, even if it was in the slightest way. Now, since college is over, every song I hear seems to remind me of some instance related to college days. Almost all the songs I hear fall into categories like: songs we danced to or songs we wanted to dance to, songs that this person liked or that person disliked, songs that we sang to make fun of some friend, songs that I listened to on that trip or that day, songs that my ex and I loved or hated, songs that remind me of particular events or situations…so on. Every song I listen to has some significance, some connection to the times I’ve had at college. It’s amusing, actually, to know that these 3 years have influenced me to such an extent. 🙂

Nextttt! While I was with Kiran, I happened to ask her if she had heard some new songs. She replied that she listens only to English songs now; she doesn’t listen to Hindi music because, frankly, she doesn’t feel there are many good songs coming out now. I suggested some of my favourites among the latest releases and she said that she didn’t like them. I confess that I kinda agree with her statement about not many good songs being made nowadays. But there are quite a few, nevertheless, that captured my attention enough to make me want to listen to them again. Then, Kiran mentioned that all these ‘good’ songs are love songs, all mushy-mushy or talking of true love and stuff (that being an inherent theme in Bollywood music). You know what I mean. And she said that she has become sort of immune to that line of thought – love, commitment, true love, blah blah. She feels a kind of sarcasm and contempt when she listens to those totally mushy songs; she doesn’t believe in that ‘shit’ anymore. I understand her comment, because she has never really held any belief in the concept of true love. So, no wonder she has become immune to it.

I don’t think the same, though. I believe in true love and I enjoy all the love stuff that some (read: most) Hindi songs talk about. But I kept quiet and listened to Kiran’s reasoning and perceptions. Something about the conversation struck my mind and refused to leave. Later, when I thought about it, I understood why. I admire the fact that she can be immune to the concept of love when it is a most pervasive thought, particularly at this stage in our lives. I realized that I was, in fact, wishing I could also reach that point when I’ll be unaffected by it all. Because, truly speaking, I’m tired of it, fed up, worn out…whatever you choose to call this situation.

GelGems (I love them) on train.

The whole dating thing, commitments, relationships, heartbreaks, everything has got to me, exhausted me…and I’m seriously tired. Yet, I don’t seem to have become ‘immune’. I mean, I still believe I’ll find true love and, I have to admit, keep hoping for it. I keep waiting for it. Inspite of being tired. Sometimes, I wish I could also feel the same as Kiran. Compared to what I’m going through, her ability to be free of such emotions sounds like total bliss. I don’t know when it will happen to me, or if it happen at all. Or if I actually want it to happen! 🙂 Imagine…if I became indifferent to the whole love thing, how would I believe or accept when it actually happens? AAhhh…I don’t think I will ever let go of that thought. Doesn’t really matter. Though, I do wish it would stop pricking my happiness at those random moments.