This and That… – Basically, Thoughts

It was OnamΒ yesterday, and I got two days off from work. Since I’m away from home, it was mostly like any other day, nothing special. When I spoke to dad, he asked

English: Pookalam during Onam days in Irinjala...

me what was happening for Onam and I had nothing to tell him. Because there’s nothing happening over here. And that made me think. All these religious or cultural festivals mean nothing to me. I get a holiday, which is great. And…well, that’s it. I haven’t felt an attachment to any of them that would make itΒ special for me. And why? Because it was always the presence of my family that made any day significant for me.

Christmas is my favourite festival and time of the year. Now, when I try to understand why, I don’t have an answer. I’m not religious, I don’t attach any significance to the beliefs or practices behind Christmas. But it is special, nevertheless. Very much so. Because it was always special for my family. They made it different for me. Their enthusiasm, interest and spirited approach to the festival is my most vivid memory connected to it. Which is probably why it has always been so exceptional for me.

Over here, so far away from my family, all these special days have lost their charm, for me. They don’t mean anything to me, except a lot of dear memories. There are so many other aspects or elements in life that have significance for you only (or mostly) because of what it means to your loved ones.

Tuesday was an awesome day! For the first time ever, I went clothes-shopping by myself. I’m not a fan of shopping. I don’t enjoy shopping, especially by myself, and especially for clothes (none of this is applicable when it comes to books). It was an impulsive decision. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. When I got back, there was nobody at home. I can’t tell you how super-happy I was. I got some quality time for myself, after so long. I didn’t know how much I had missed spending time by myself, with absolutely no one around. I used to get enough and more of it, while at home. But over here, getting some time all for yourself is like a treasure. So, I made most of the two hours or so I had. I shouted (shouting has a liberating effect, for me), sang out loud, danced around, talked to myself, spent sometime looking outside, sipping coffee… And, had 2 delightful hours by myself. 2 hours that gave me an enlightening thought – I’m at a most beautiful point in life, a phase that I had longed for. And I’m truly enjoying it. The past 2 days have proved, with all the more emphasis, that life does give you what you want/ask for.

Realizations formed out of Hardships

TADAAAA!!!! I’m back. And I can’t explain how happy I’m!!! πŸ™‚ I actually felt relieved thinking of college reopening…not because I’m eager to sit in the boring classes but because I can get back to what I love the most – blogging! I know I sound obsessed. I am, to be frank! As expected, I have lots to blabber about. I just can’t wait to get started.

This Christmas, as feared, was the worst I have had until now. And the worst I will ever have, I hope. Before I go into that, I want to share a compliment I received from one of my teachers. He is a lot more than a teacher for me; he is more like a fatherly figure…someone who understands me a lot. Recently, when I spoke to him, he told me that he had gone through my blog, read a few posts and that he loved it. He has always encouraged me and urged me to write more. So, he was really happy to see that I’m writing with the same vigour as before. He said that I have matured in my thoughts and perceptions, which clearly echoed in my writing. One thing he pointed out to me was that even though I wrote about some negative experiences, I always brought it out in a positive way; maybe in the way it is presented, maybe in the way I see it, so on. It was something I hadn’t noticed but when he said it out loud, I realized that he was right. My writing reflects positive vibes, even when the matter maybe negative. I think that is great, because I’m a person who gives a hell lot of importance to being and thinking positive. Wow! You rock, Rosh! πŸ˜›

About the Christmas tragedy, thanks to the uncle and aunt here who cannot seem to say a word without sounding rude, I have been depressed since the moment I stepped into that house. And believe it or not, I actually cried on Christmas day, of all days, because I could not stand it anymore! That’s as bad as they can get! Anyway, while talking about this with the teacher, he consoled me and said that I will be able to find something positive from these experiences…that I will be able to reach out to others in the same situation when I write about it. As expected, it has turned out to be true.

On Christmas day, I went to a relative’s place in the evening…actually, I went to a couple of families. And all of them were so warm, loving and really sweet. I could see that they were genuinely happy to have me there, that they cared. After all the disturbing episodes, this realization was so much like a contrast…but one that I loved! I understood that I have a family (relatives, that is)…one that loves me and cares for me, even though a select few may behave otherwise. I realized that just because of those few, I should not think everyone else will be like them. I’m lucky to have so many people who love me, even though they may not really know me. Isn’t that more important than all the negative experiences I went through?

All of us want happiness and good experiences. Nobody would ever wish for a bad one. But we tend to forget that the bad experiences are the ones that pave the way to happiness…they help us understand what happiness is. I’m not saying you should start wishing for something bad to happen. All I’m saying is: next time something unhappy occurs, try not to be too blinded by depression; keep your eyes open to the joy that is about to come your way. Know that every tear you shed is ultimately meant to symbolize the times you will laugh later on…soon enough. Sometimes, you might wonder how some people can be so strong in the face of trouble. Now, you know how. They just have to welcome the stark reality that bad times are like a ‘prelude’ to happiness! πŸ™‚

This is taken from the book P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern (a beautiful book that I would always love to read again and again). A very beautiful line. I felt it so wonderfully brings out what I’m trying to say.

β€œNobody’s life is filled with perfect little moments. And if it were they wouldn’t be perfect little moments. They would just be normal. How would you know happiness if you never experienced downs?” 

 

Banter! Banter!

Yesterday evening, there was the Christmas celebration for all hostelers at college. And like I said, it wasn’t as good as I expected it to be. But I admit I enjoyed it, all the same! πŸ™‚ There was this dance by two guys…and I was completely besotted with one of them, after seeing it! Nothing new, of course. πŸ˜› What I liked most about yesterday was that I was going around, talking to whoever I wanted to, just being crazy, playing around like a stupid kid, never caring about who might be watching or what others might say (note: This is a place where the last two factors are important when you do something). So, in short, I was living in the moment, just having fun. πŸ™‚ And I spoke to this guy from my batch for the first time. As in, we had a proper conversation (even though it was more stupid than ‘proper’) for the first time in the past 3 years! WOW! Weird, right? πŸ™‚ I know… And he’s cute… But I prefer my Baldie… πŸ˜€

I don’t know when I will be writing my next post, since I will be going home today (the place I’m referring to is an uncle’s place, not my HOME). And that place means: no going out often, no Net, no fun, no life… in short, NO AIR! I get suffocated in that place. It’s worse than imprisonment. And worst part, that place is filled with an intense negative energy. There was a time when I used to run home every weekend, because somehow, I felt the imprisonment at home was better than that at hostel. But now, I think hostel is more like heaven compared to home! The only reason I’m going there is because my sister is also there for her Christmas holidays. And I wouldn’t want her to be alone, suffering the same situation I had to go through during previous holidays.

Anyway, the point is: I don’t know when I will be writing next. Until then, do miss me. Have fun. And wish you all a Merry Christmas!! πŸ™‚ Hope the season brings you joy in abundance.

Crazy Times + Happiness = Blissful Hangover :D

This was written on 21st December, 2011 (yesterday) at around 11:15pm, to be posted the next day (ie, today).

I have just had a wonderful, awesome ending to a tiring day! During Lunch break and after class (at college), I had been running from class to the Lab, then to the Library, then to the Lab, so on and so forth, climbing up and down god-knows-how-many staircases. It was 8pm when I got to leave from college. I had stayed back so that I could sit and mail my friends (or chat with them) in peace (since very few students stay back after 6).

I was dreading the thought of getting back to hostel because tonight (yesternight, that is) was our Christmas celebration at hostel and I was in no mood for any kind of celebration except perhaps that of deep slumber! πŸ™‚ So, I dragged myself back to hostel, took a quick shower, had a very filling dinner and went to watch the stuff others had put together as part of the programme.Β  There were a couple of games, which were hilarious and I found myself enjoying it more than I had expected to. Halfway through it, I felt I was being infused with more and more enthusiasm. After all the programmes, we had a blast! We went outside and played with crackers, watched fireworks… I was more into the ‘jumping around and having fun with friends’ part rather than the ‘show’. And then, we got back in. It was dance time!! Dance time at our hostel means the warden lets us have songs played at high volume while we dance or just have fun (I know that sounds cool, but it happens only once in a blue moon and so, we take advantage of it whenever it happens). I usually don’t feel energetic enough to join the dance since I mostly get drained by then. Yeah, I can get really tired and worn out, especially if I’m in no mood for what’s happening. But today was, well…different, although I think that’s more of an understatement.

Whoever handled the music section did a really good job. They played all my fav songs, exactly the ones we wanted…and with each song, I seemed to go crazier and wilder. My friends noted it, too. I haven’t danced so madly since a long time… It’s not always that I do this – dance like I don’t care about anything else, not about what crap I’m doing, not about how many are staring… Man! Did I dance! We were, all of us, jumping around, yelling and screaming like hell. It was so damn crazy, but seriously fun! I did get tired, I won’t lie…but somehow, I did NOT want to stop. I just didn’t have the heart to stop… I didn’t want to waste a single second of this precious night. But like all good things, it did come to an end…and much too soon, at that. One thing I loved was that even Anju, who mostly stays away from stuff like this, danced with us crazy girls. When I got back to the room, I was worn out to the bone and so out of breath…but very happy. In fact, bursting with it. I had enjoyed tonight, dancing and screaming and laughing like there was no tomorrow (all this when I had ‘issues’). And I’m still hungover…so much like drunk on the fun. Once I got back my breath and calmed down, I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience that I knew I wanted to write about this. Yeah, I know it might not seem like much, but considering the place, the people and the college (not to mention the rules) I believe it’s incredible that I got a night like this. Craziest Christmas celebration ever!

Whew!!! Tomorrow, I will be sleeping in class, in preparation for the Christmas celebration at college in the evening. I’m so not looking forward to going home!

Now: I’m in the Library, bunking the third hour of class… I didn’t sleep in class. I was surprisingly refreshed and so rejuvenated when I woke up today morning…which isn’t a favourable condition for sleeping in class. But since I was longing to write this out, I bunked the third hour. πŸ™‚ Looking forward to the celebration today evening, though I hear it’s not going to be all that great (not as much as I expect it to be, that is!). πŸ˜€ How are your celebrations and preparations going on?? πŸ™‚

 

* Christmassy thoughts *… :)

Last day, one of my friends, Anju, told me that she read my blog and loved it so much that she keeps going back to it very often. And let me confess, she is the last person I expected to read my blog, let alone love it. So, I was really touched and happy…because I could reach out to someone like her. She is so not into reading and definitely not while she is online and has a million other things she could do. πŸ™‚ She really liked my thoughts on uncertainty and it did lift her spirits. But now, she is back to being confused again. Back to feeling disturbed because she has no clue about what to do next. I can understand her emotions because I have gone through the very same situation. Right now, everything may seem foggy and blurred (to her and all those in the same situation). But someday soon, there will be this amazing moment of clarity when you will realize what exactly you would like to do in life. It will come when you least expect it, something like a jolt. So, till it strikes you, try to move on and have hope…for you are sure to find your way in life. And by the way, it is perfectly ok to make mistakes once in a while. It helps you understand what is right, apart from being a learning experience. πŸ˜€

December has arrived. And along with it has set in the wonderfully familiar season of Christmas. Right from childhood, Christmas has been my favourite time of the year. I love the cold mornings, occasional drizzle, cool evenings and the whole feel of Christmas that seems to be instilled in the air. I love the Christmas decorations hanging in shop windows, trees being put up and decorated, the cakes :D, the Christmas carols (LOVE THEM!!!), people walking around with a smile, families getting together to celebrate and experiencing the feeling of togetherness that I consider to be an inevitable part of Christmas. There are so many memories associated with this season that endear it to me all the more. The Christmas carol practice as part of Junior Church (kinda like the Sunday School), gifts, meeting up with cousins, decorating the house, so many fond memories. And with New Year just a week away, you can’t help feeling spirited! πŸ™‚ Although, this time, I don’t think Christmas will be the same since I’m away from home, away from my family. I miss them all so badly…especially since this is a time I have always spent with them! Let’s just hope it turns out to be good. πŸ™‚

Anyway, keeping aside all my worries about how Christmas will turn out to be, I’m still kind of surprised when I think about the fact that the year has gone by so damn fast! It’s already December. And I can still remember 1st January of this year, as if it were just yesterday. Time does fly… At times, it is pretty scary but I guess we should just look forward and welcome the gifts life has in store for us and not keep looking back at the past that we will never be able to retrieve (yeah, unless you get hold of a real time machine!). So, wish you all a great time ahead. Have fun…! πŸ™‚