And I would run away…

Have you ever felt the need to just run away? Run away from the place you’re in right now, the situation… Actually, not run away from anything. Just run away. Take a break, a deep breath, just not let anyone know…go away to some random place. You get the idea (don’t you?)! So, have you ever felt an urge to do it? It’s been on my mind for the past couple of days. No, nothing bad happening. Just that I’m not very happy with some situations and am kinda fed up. The thought of running away to some far-off place with nobody bothering me, nothing to worry about is extremely tempting.

To be honest, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of running away. When I have nothing else to think about, I sit and think up possible plans for survival if (and when) I run away. My family’s never given me a reason to do it yet (luckily!). So, I decided that a reason wasn’t necessary. Today morning, I was seriously considering the idea. And that led me to think why I want to do it, in the first place. Well, you know what? I think it must be the sheer sense of freedom that it gives me. The knowledge that I can just let go of everything and go off somewhere, that I can just disappear one day. Knowing that I can be completely free.

Wondering why it’s necessary to run away to be completely free? Because, right now, I can’t really do what I want. Not always. I might have to keep my mouth shut so that I don’t lose my job, I might have to hold back something so that I don’t hurt some people… Doing what I want isn’t as easy as it sounds. So, loving the idea of running away should come as no surprise! I might not take off today, probably not tomorrow or the day after…but, hopefully, soon (Am I glad my parents aren’t reading this!).

What I’m Upto…

Right from the time I could remember, I have been into Hindi music. I used to listen to most of the new songs, pick my favourites, suggest others to listen to them, have long talks with friends about the new movies & songs. Music has always been one inseparable part of my life, right from school time. And I’ve always been more into Bollywood music as compared to English, Malayalam or Tamil. So, imagine my dismay and frustration when I end up doing college in a place where Hindi movies hardly get released (hardly=limited to big banner movies). And don’t even ask about the music! I was almost equal to an illiterate when it came to Bollywood music, while there. Once in a while, some friend would tell me about this new hit song from so-and-so movie and that was like the only way I had to keep myself updated. And, of course, I had the internet. But there’s only so much you can  find out by sitting in the lab and googling. 🙂

What I used to do was: while I come home (read: RAK) for the hols, I used to check out the movies/music that I had missed during the past few months and catch up. I’d  google for the reviews and pick out those that seem good; sometimes, go by my own judgement, from the sound of the movie title, music director, singers, so on. And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. 🙂 I’ve been going through some movie reviews, a hell lot of music reviews… And I’ve rerealized how crazy I still am about music. Not just anything or everything, though. Basically, I’m crazy about good movies & music. And what’s good? I’d say any music that can connect to me (my inner being) can be declared good.

I have found some really good songs, some awesome movies to watch… and it’s surprising how some movies that weren’t exactly box-office hits can have such beautiful music! Even though some songs didn’t exactly turn out to be as good as the reviews promised, I’ve come across a handful that I’m sure are going to be played a hell of a lot! 🙂 To name a few (very very few), I’m in love with Hona Tha Pyaar from Bol, Tere Dil Mein from Let’s Party (Ganesh Hegde [I’m crazy about him!!!]), Tera Noor from Teri Rehmatein (Javed Ali), songs from Jhootha Hi Sahi…

So, I’ll be getting back to my songs, for now. Let me know what you’ve been upto! 🙂 

I’m BAD!

To everyone who read the previous post, thank you so much for bearing with the nonsense I wrote. 🙂 I spoke to Saba today and she (very rightly) pointed out to me that I’ve been posting a lot of shit since I got back. I admit she is not far from the truth. 🙂 Personally, I’m appalled at the state of my writing. I guess it’s probably because I’m happy…and there is nothing much to talk about. So, why not stop blogging instead of blabbering nonsense? Well, I can’t do that. Because I’m too addicted to my blog! 😀

Anyway, I have been racking my brains for something interesting to blog about. And struck upon this idea. It had occurred to me a long time ago, but I had far better stuff to talk about then. So, now, I thought I would take up that once-ignored thought.

I’m bad. And I shamelessly admit it. I don’t know why people have this weird idea that they should portray themselves as good, even if they know they aren’t. Being good isn’t really so important. I think it’s a grossly overrated concept. What matters is what you do. Show what you are through your deeds, not just your words. Come on, even bad people can do good, although that may not necessarily earn them an entry into the good category. But a supposedly good person has to go wrong just once and they are labelled as ‘gone bad’ ! Crazy world, I say!

Bad Bad Bad!

Moreover, good and bad are concepts that differ from one person to another. My right could be your wrong. So, my idea of good may very well be your bad. And you know what? Nobody  can be completely good or bad. In fact, each one of us have two faces –  the good and the bad. We cannot be black or white, not entirely. Because we are in the grey region, always.

You might think you will never be able to do wrong, lie to or cheat someone. But when you f ind yourself in a trying situation, you’ll be surprised to find that you start bending the rules…just a tiny bit, perhaps. That’s when the little devil in you raises its head. And then, you make up some excuse so that you can justify it to yourself. Clever devil!

Are you looking at me with wide, innocent eyes…saying “She can’t be talking about me. I’m good!” ?? Who are you fooling? Don’t tell me you have never hated anyone. Don’t even try convincing me that you have never been jealous of that rich friend you have. Haven’t you, atleast once in your life, spoken bad about someone, with or without reason? Haven’t you been selfish, self-centered and possessive?  Haven’t you lied? Wasn’t there atleast one instance when you knowingly went against your parents/authorities? Haven’t you rebelled? And don’t give me that shit about all this being excused by the circumstances!

After all this, you call yourself good? Hah! See what I mean? We are all bad, bad people..all of us!  It’s ok. You don’t have to worry about being bad! It does not make you Evil Incarnate or anything. See it this way – you are just being humane. You are no saint. Like you didn’t already know that! 😀

Actually, I’m not trying to make everyone seem bad or guilty. Not at all. I’m not saying mankind is evil. It’s just that I want people to understand it’s ok to admit that you’re bad. I want people to get over the idea that saying (just saying) you are good is important . Because we are not entirely good. Saying you are good will never be fully true. In fact, you are lying when you say that (see, you’re already bad!). 😀 But, atleast, when you tell you are bad, it’s the truth, because all of us have bad streaks of our own. It’s fun being bad. So, just accept the fact that being bad is ok. And join the club! I’m super-bad!!! 😀