Down. And I Don’t Know Why!

Yesterday, I was almost about to blog about this. But then, I thought it would be too emotional, too personal. After all, this is a blog, not my personal diary. I know this will be read by so many others and I wouldn’t want them to get bored with TMI about my emotions. So, I stopped myself from it. But today, I was checking out other blogs using the WordPress Reader, in an attempt to find some thread to blog about. While deciding which one to pick first, I saw the first few lines of a blog post. It sounded SO much (read: SO SO SO SO much) like what I was going through and I immediately knew I’d connect to it.

I read it. I loved it! I can’t tell you how much. I know it will seem negative and depressing to most of you, but I loved it because I know what the blogger is going through; because I echo everything she has said in the post. I don’t know if it’s mean to say this (I already told this to the blogger, anyway) but it felt comforting, in a lot of ways, to know that I’m not alone in my weird situation, that there is someone else going through the very same. Reading that post did quite a lot to lift my spirits a tiny bit higher. 🙂 I’m so glad she (the blogger) decided to post it, even though it was way too personal. Thank you so much, hastywords. This is the post I’ve been talking about, the post that inspired me to write the one I’m writing now – Mess In A Dress.

So, after reading that post, I’ve decided that I can blog about what I’m going through. The fact that someone else has already done it gave me courage. But apart from that, I also realized that there may be others out there who are feeling the same as me and I might be able to reach out to them, give them a little comfort, and let them know they aren’t alone. I know some of you will get bored…it’s going to be depressing for some. I suggest you turn back now, if you think you don’t want to deal with this (like you don’t have enough of your own, right?). Now (assuming there’s no one crazy enough to continue reading), I guess I’m free to ramble on to myself (love talking to myself!).

Well, I’ve been feeling so weirdly down, disturbed, confused and irritated for the past few days. And I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my usual spat of down-time. Whatever it is, I hate it! There’s this good friend of mine who has been asking me what the reason is, trying to help me as much as he can… How can he possibly help me when I don’t know the reason myself? It is frustrating when you know that you’re hurting your loved ones, and you can’t seem to do anything to stop it. I want to try to open up, but can’t seem to get the words out. It’s all there in my head, just can’t seem to bring it out (though it seems to be working over here!). How do I tell someone that I’m disturbed but don’t know why?

I don’t feel like doing anything, talking to anyone; nothing seems to make sense right now. I know I have so many loving souls around me, yet I can’t feel happy. I’ve tried figuring out why but haven’t got an answer yet. It’s surprising, though, how I can’t talk about this to any of my close friends but can tell it out so publicly here on a freaking blog!

Exactly, baby! You’re so right!

Well, so…that’s my problem. I’m disturbed, feeling so low and frustrated but I don’t know why. I feel almost suffocated by the overload of distress in me. I feign a happiness I don’t feel, I smile and talk pleasantly while inside, there’s this immense heaviness pulling me down, tearing me apart from within.

I’m not expecting any of you to flood me with comforting comments or anything. Hell, I don’t even expect you to read this! I suppose this was just an attempt to let out what’s in my head, what’s been there for quite a few days now. And if anyone reading this is experiencing the same down-time: “Hey there, I know how you feel. But I guess it’s ok. They say there’s a brighter side to everything. Maybe we should just stick together (all of us depressed souls) until we get to that side.”

 

P.S: I’m already feeling kinda better. 🙂

Waiting To Get Home…

I have slept a lot during the past few days. Don’t know why. Even if I sleep for a while during the afternoons, I still feel so damn sleepy by the end of the day. I try to stay up and maybe, spend time talking or watching a movie, but it’s unusually hard for me. Maybe this is how the down-time takes its toll on me. 🙂

So, post-weekend, my situation hasn’t changed much. Maybe just a tiny little bit. I’m actually making an effort to not let myself be so bothered by problems that are out of my control. And I think I’ve kinda come up with some possible solutions. Just hope it works out. I’m just days away from leaving college. Tomorrow will be my last exam. And within two days, I’ll be vacating from hostel and going back home. I won’t be part of this hostel or college anymore, won’t have to come here often (or at all, in fact)… All those people whom I have seen and spoken to and been with for the past 3 years will be scattered in different places, they are going to be akin to strangers. I can’t even be sure if we will recognize each other if we happen to cross paths some 10 years from now.

Such a scary thought. Yet it’s inevitable. It evokes a lot of insecurity but there’s nothing I can do to pause it or avoid it. So, I’m trying to face it as it comes. Right now, I push away the saddening thoughts and think of the awesome time I’m going to have once I get back to RAK, to my family. That is one thought that helps me remain sane right now. 🙂 I was just googling through some photos of the city I call home. And I’m hit by this wave of nostalgia…of the times I’ve spent there, the random buildings I remember seeing while going from one place to another, the landmarks… For a moment, it felt almost like I was back there, actually seeing it all. Well, I may not be there there, right now. But within two weeks’ time, I’m going to be right there!!! 🙂 Now, for those of you who don’t know much about Ras-Al-Khaimah, here are a couple of  links you might like!

Ras Al Khaima in the past… (Note: See the RAK hospital? My home’s quite near to it. Seeing it made me feel kinda close to home!)

The Official Site of RAK

A Dose of Down-Time :(

Today is one of those days. I’m feeling so low. OK, not without a reason, I admit. Some issues have come up with the schedule and it’s getting on my nerves…which is VERY VERY BAD! Because I’m not in the mood to deal with anything of this sort, at the moment. But of course, Mr.Life (or is it Ms. or Mrs.)  has this way of flinging problems my way whenever I’m trying to deal with another. Does he/she think it’s funny? Because if he/she does, then it’s NOT! It’s seriously not funny to have to worry about something when I’m already a little low…when I want to be happy… Mr. Life, I think you should quit your job and let some awesome people (=ME, obviously) take over! I could do so much better than you! So, if you want to keep your job, pull yourself together, and get your act right!

Ha! That felt a lot better. It always helps me calm down when I have someone/something to shout at… 🙂 So relieving! What do you do to let out steam? (Just in case you love shouting out, like me, consider this a perfect platform for your pent-up anger! Always welcome, people!)

I’m sorry I won’t be coming up with interesting thoughts or experiences today, because all I want to do right now is let out the frustration I’m feeling. And I think I did that quite fine, for now! It’s weird how my blog has become something like a place where I (kinda) talk to myself (since I’m not saying all this to anyone in particular; I’m just saying it, right?)…I blurt out whatever’s in my head, good, bad, happy, sad, everything. It’s weird how I find joy in it! And now, I come over here just to shout out my anger, at nobody in particular! Isn’t that, like, super-cool? Thank you, WordPress! You rock! Happy weekend, people! 🙂

P.S : Maybe Friday the 13th is actually unlucky for me! Anyway, Happy Friday the !3th, everyone! 😀

:)

It’s amusing how I seem to be able to get so many ideas to write about when I’m feeling down. And when I’m happy, I’m too ecstatic to think of anything to write about. It’s no different this time. Don’t ask me why I’m feeling low. Because I can’t put a finger on it, myself! I know that sounds weird but, well, that’s the truth! 🙂 But making most of this down-time, I’ve been getting a lot of thoughts that I want to blog about. And I also heard of this hilarious experience that a friend had recently. When I heard it, I knew, right away, that I wanted to write about it. So, I guess that means an awesome lot for you to read, coming soon.:D

I’ve been kinda quiet, lately. I don’t blabber too much in class and spend most of the day doing what I want, silently. Unlike before, when I used to go around saying crazy nonsense to others and just chattering like an insane idiot! A classmate remarked about my sudden change and he thinks I’ve become better because I stopped the blabbering and the nonsense. OK, so wasn’t I good all this while? How can I be labeled good/better, all of a sudden, just because I became quiet? I mean, what exactly is the connection between being quiet and being good? Well, this thought process may not apply to everyone out there. But over here, I’ve noticed that this is the general idea – that all those quiet, gentle, ones are good and all those hyper, crazy ones are not-so-good. I have no clue about how this misconception came about but it’s been there from the time I remember. And I’ve always been puzzled by the logic behind this reasoning. Well, not like it matters much to me. I’m not here to please anyone or pretend to be goody-two-shoes! It amuses me to know people make such weird connections, though.

Well, I’m looking forward to putting into words all that’s running through my mind. And I’m seriously super-happy to know there are some sweet souls out there who consider their day (almost) incomplete without reading my blog post. Thank you so much, all of you…especially my awesome friends out there! 🙂 You make my day!