‘Trying to Figure Out Love’ OR ‘Love…WTF is it?’

I knew this new phase and all the new experiences would mean a lot of new stuff to blog about. But I never expected I’d have so many new thoughts, that it would actually push me to come up with two posts in a day! ๐Ÿ™‚ Well, so here I am. Remember the thought I had while brushing my teeth? Yeah, so I thought I’d get to that.

I was thinking about love (yeah, weird time to think about love, I suppose). Sometimes, the choices in life are odd, difficult. Hard to figure out. Hard to choose. Like, what would you choose if you had two versions of perfection before you (like, two perfect jobs, two perfect people, two perfect anything)? And, yes, you can choose only one. And…the worst part? You love both options! Especially when it comes to something as intricate as love, this kinda choice is sure to drive you mad.

But today morning, I was struck by a thought, something like an enlightenment, I guess. ๐Ÿ™‚ While in college, during some programme, one of my favourite teachers mentioned about an article he had read. And he read out this line about love. I had written it down, tried to find it but couldn’t. Anyway, the gist of it is that: ‘Love is not about me, but about you; how I can enrich your life, how I can bring happiness into your life’. Something in those lines. The actual lines were so beautiful, I feel so bad forย replacingย destroying it with my stupid lines.

Anyway, the point is…love is something far above normal human emotions. Love takes on an entirely new (& true, I think) meaning when you think about someone else far more than you do about yourself. I’m not saying love means never thinking about yourself. You know this person is special, you would NEVER want him/her to be unhappy, you would do everything in your power to see them happy, even if the person is not someone you’re personally close to. Now, that is love, in its purest form. Just the need to see someone happy, smiling, alive. Isn’t that what we want for our loved ones? Above everything else? That is love. Simple, isn’t it? And when I put it in this perspective, I realized that it’s not really important whom you choose when you’re faced with a choice. Because love does not have rules, love would never force you to choose (and yeah, choosing one does not mean you completely stop loving the other). It doesn’t have limits, no conditions on how many people you can choose to love.

There are a lot of people I love; people I care about and for whom I would do anything! Anything to see them happy. Is that bad? So, basically, what I’m trying to do is…I’m trying to justify the situation wherein you might have to make a choice and yet have love for both!

Moving On Can Be Super-Scary!

I just have two more weeks left! I don’t believe this. I can’t believe almost two months have gone by so fast! I’m already going crazy, thinking of the hell lot of stuff I’ll have to do once I get back. And apart from the tension, one emotion that’s been disturbing me is the sorrow of leaving. Once I start working, I have no idea when I’ll be able to come here on a vacation like this. For now, I’m just pushing aside that thought. For later.

It might sound stupid to some and crazy to some others. Even I’m amazed at what I’m about to embark on. I have absolutely no idea about what to do or how to go about with things, once I get back to India. I’m planning to move to a city that’s completely new and strange to me. I don’t even have close friends there! And I have no plan, not even a rough idea of how I intend to make this happen. Am I scared? Hell, yes, I am. Am I tensed? Yes, very much, even though I’m keeping a large part of it for later.

I seriously don’t know how I am going to find a place to stay, live by myself, manage everything by myself in a completely new city… I did NOT tell my parents about how scared I’m. I don’t think I ever will. They are already pretty freaked out and tensed. They tried tempting me with the idea of working over here. But I stayed firm on my decision. Anyway, I don’t want them to know I’m super-clueless, too. All that worry could be injurious to their health. ๐Ÿ™‚

I did talk about this with some friends. Some of them said they believed I could do it, that I’d be able to pull through these situations. But a couple of my closest friends (one of them being Saba) were really concerned and asked me to think well before deciding. Saba, in particular, was super-worried. She tried her best to talk me into staying here. And, to be frank, she made me think about a lot of aspects that hadn’t occurred to me. Anyhow, eventually, she supported me in my decision. Not because I convinced her or anything (I doubt I’ll ever be able to do that!). But because she knows me.

For one thing, I’m firm (read: stubborn) when it comes to myย decisions. Another thing, as she rightly pointed out, is that if I fall for my parents’ suggestion and stay back, I’ll never be able to feel fully happy. I will always wonder how things would have turned out had I gone forward with my plan. And it will keep gnawing at my happiness. So, she told me that it’s better that I go ahead with my decision. Otherwise I’ll never be happy. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love her for saying that!

I’m aware of the risk I’m taking. I know things can go wrong. Very wrong. But, let’s just be positive. And, even if something goes wrong, I know I’ll deal with it somehow. That’s what life is about, after all. That’s how you learn to live! Exactly why I want to take this risk. I want to get out of the comfort zone that I’ve been in all these years, know what it is like to live by myself, deal with problems on my own…experience life. ๐Ÿ™‚

Lot of hopes, dreams…and yes, a tiny bit of worries. Let’s wait and see how things turn out to be! ๐Ÿ™‚

…… :-/

I know it’s been a couple of days since I wrote anything. And right now, I’m like so full of emotions and dying to write out all that’s on my mind. But unable to do so, because there’s College Day coming up and we (my friends and I) are doing a dance and I need to go for the practice session sometime soon. So, that means I’ll have to wait till tomorrow. Today was our last day in college…like the last proper regular working day… like the last day to sit in class and listen to the drone of teachers, dream away, read or sleep… Somehow, none of us can actually believe that college is over. It doesn’t feel like it, nobody seems to behave like it’s over. But I know it is. I look at everyone in a new way, knowing that I might not get to see them for long after today. I’m so overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts. I need to write them all out because it feels unbearably heavy when I have to suppress something within. Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait till tomorrow. Anyway, there’s something I can’t keep for tomorrow…

It’s my youngest sister (Ann)’s birthday tomorrow. And since I won’t be able to wish her at 12, I thought I would wish her here, in advance! ๐Ÿ™‚ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABYYYYY! Hope you have many more birthdays, filled with happiness and a lot of that wide smile of yours(which I LOVE!!!). ๐Ÿ˜€ Love you!

For my Baby Princess... :-*