I know the sudden disappearing came without warning. But, it was unintended, which is why I never got to warn. 🙂
Anyway, I’m back. I have had an awesome bunch of 5 days at Merlin’s place. It was seriously like a second home. I felt so comfortable and at home. We didn’t exactly do anything much except talk, sleep and talk a lot more. There was one time when we went on talking, late into the night and slept off by 4am or so. Apart from all that, these few days have also brought us closer in a very special way. We got to know a lot more about each other… And guess what? Remember the problems I mentioned about in my previous post? All the worries about not having time and stuff? It’s all solved! I’m so relieved! Just hope nothing new comes up to bring back my worries. 🙂
These past few days haven’t been eventful in the general sense. But, emotionally, they have been truly remarkable. So much has been happening with me…and I’ve been thinking like hell. Thinking A LOT!! And realizing a lot, too; thanks, partly, to Merlin. I’ve been reanalyzing the way I feel for some persons, how I had taken it on until now, so many such thoughts. Not just about people or emotions, but also about future, life and a lot more.
I’ve been thinking about where I’ll end up. That happens to be something I have always wondered about…yet can’t come up with a satisfying enough possibility in reply. Recently, one of my teachers mailed me saying (among other things) he is waiting for the day when he will see me in a good position, one that I deserve, befitting my talents and abilities. I was touched. But confused. Because I don’t exactly know what position I should end up in. There is so much that I want to do, so I don’t really know what I’d like to end up as. A writer? Yes! A psychologist? Sure (I guess I have never mentioned it but I’ve always loved psychology and wanted to do a lot in it)!! Basically, if you ask me, what I want most is to be someone who has contributed substantially (in my own way) to the world…someone who has made a difference in people’s lives, touched them in some way…someone who has done her part in making the world a happier place. That’s what I want, ultimately. Though, I wonder what kinda ‘position’ that would make me end up in. 🙂
I’ve always loved the thought of having a cause to live for, work for and maybe, fight for. It could be anything. In normal life, I guess it would be something like a particular assignment, some specific work, a project to be completed, anything. I’ve noticed that once I get a particular task to be completed, I put myself into it, fully. My thoughts and efforts seem to be concentrated solely on that task, and I never seem to stray until I complete it properly. That’s exactly what happened with the Class Exhibition thing, last month. But I’m talking about having a cause that’s far higher, beyond trivial tasks and stuff. Like, for instance, I’m fascinated by the lives people must have led during the freedom fighting times. Be it anywhere. Since I’ve learnt specifically about the whole Indian freedom fighting era, I guess I’ll be referring to it. For people of those times, everything they did must have revolved around the concept of attaining freedom. Their lives must have been completely devoted to the cause of freedom…not just for themselves, but for all. Their work, efforts, thoughts, everything was focused on this cause. All of them must have tried to contribute to it, even if it were in a small way. In the end, when the goal was achieved, each Indian must have had the happiness of knowing that they had done their part in this achievement, that it had been their cause, too, however indirectly it may have been.
I’ve always been in love with that thought. The thought of having a cause as strong as that…something that I could focus on, work for and live for. I guess it’s quite impractical in the present world…but, you never know. Or maybe, I could create something of my own to work for. Anyway, this was one thought that kept coming back to mind during the last couple of days.
So, tell me one (or two) recurrent thought(s) that’s been in your mind for the past few days. It can be absolutely anything!