Blah Blah from the Whirlwind Zone

The past few days have been something like a whirlwind. Now, when I look back, all of it seems to have blended together and I’ve lost track of what happened when. I don’t seem to have time for anything, but ask me what I’m busy with and I have no answer to that!Β This place (the whole locality, not just my home) does not have life, especially not when you’re away from people you love. So, being busy helps me take my mind off other (read: depressing) thoughts.

Over the past few days, I’ve had some experiences revolving around friendship. A recent friend of mine – someone whom I know through chats and mails for the past two months or so – chose to be completely honest with me. It was unexpected because he is a stranger and I’d never have found out the truth. And, to be frank, it wouldn’t have mattered much even if he hadn’t told me. But he did. And I loved him for that. That shows how much he respected our friendship.

Another person who was supposedly something akin to a best friend did something that I wouldn’t even dream of doing to a best

BFFs πŸ™‚

friend. Again showing the person’sΒ respect for our friendship. And the third incident…I got a new friend, through another awesome friend of mine. From what I’ve felt so far, we seem to be connecting very well. I was feeling kinda low when we spoke today (I didn’t tell him that, though). Anyway, talking to him distracted me enough to make me laugh and feel better. πŸ™‚Β It takes time to identify good friends…and don’t even ask about true friends. Those are rare species!

I was chatting with Ann today. I miss her so much, I miss our stupidities, crazy times, silly fights, everything. As if to add to my despair, almost everything around me reminds me of home. Right when I’m trying to forget. In the past one week, today was the first time I truly & seriously wished that I hadn’t come back, that I hadn’t left home. Not just because I miss Ann. There’s a lot more to it. But then, how would I get to experience something new if I stayed in the comfort zone of my home sweet home? How else would I know what it feels like to be part of a whirlwind (job-hunting, home-hunting, blah blah)? Atleast, that’s what I tell to console myself. πŸ™‚

[While thinking of a suitable title, I connected my habit of rambling and the whirlwind I’m in…and TADAAA! I got a crazy, stupid title! Please excuse the absurdity for now, this was the best I could come up with!]

Miss Me While I’m Gone…

By this time tomorrow, I’ll be in a different country…and when I say different, I mean different in every possible way. As different as heaven and hell, if you ask me. And the funniest part – that is supposedly myΒ homeplace! I know this (leaving) is completely my decision and nobody else’s. But that doesn’t stopΒ me from feeling sad. Nothing will, in fact.

I know I haven’t posted anything during the past few days. Well, I’ve been shopping, trying to spend time with Ann, packing, blah blah. I must have opened up the ‘add new post’ page atleast twice each day…but never felt like writing anything. And, even if I had, I’m positive it wouldn’t have been worth publishing. I hate lamenting in public (all those depressing, emo status updates in Facebook? I HATE THEM!). I didn’t want to end up doing something I hate.

Time to leave, I suppose…

So, I’m leaving tonight…will reach God’s Own Country by early morning. I don’t know how long I’ll have before I leave to Bangalore. But I have a lot of travelling to do before that. I’ll probably have to meet Merlin on Wednesday, go to college to get some certificates and stuff, meet up some friends, so on. I’m glad I’ll have enough to keep me distracted. I wouldn’t want too much time by myself, I know I’ll be reminded of the fact that I’m away from home.

I have no clue when I’ll be posting next. It will take some time. So, while I’m away trying to settle down into a new phase in life, do bear with my silences and occasional laments. I’m going to miss this space, just as much as I’ll miss home. I’ll try my best to be back soon. Wish me good luck. And, most importantly…Miss me! πŸ™‚

Never Plan Too Much!

Never plan too much about anything. I think that’s something I should have learnt long back. But seems like I’m still in the process of accepting it as a valuable lesson for life. Guess what? I’m at Merlin’s place right now. I didn’t want to go home, so came over to her place. On the way, she mentioned about how this must be like a second home to me, considering the many times I’ve been here. πŸ™‚ And yes, it is so much like a second home to me. Even though her relatives may not be very familiar with me, I’m more than comfortable with her family; I feel so much at home over here. So, it’s no wonder that I seem to have words pouring out of my ‘fingers’…

Well, so…I have this super-bad headache. Don’t know why. But to add to it, there are a couple of issues that have come up. Like some plans being ruined, guess I mentioned that yesterday. I’m all muddled up right now because of the issues running around in my head. It bugs me like hell when things go wrong, like way too wrong. I can accept some deviations, some unexpected surprises/shocks…but not too much of it. I just hope I find some way out of this mess. There’s so many places I need to go to/be at, which includes my exams, vacating from the hostel,Β  a cousin’s marriage and an important interview!! And I’m trying hard to squeeze in everything as best as I can. It just gets to my nerves when dates get rescheduled and I have to change the whole plan…especially when I don’t have enough time for anything to be postponed.

By the way, I’ll be going home soon…and when I say home, I mean ‘home’…like home home! That’s Ras-Al-Khaimah (an Emirate in UAE, not very fast-paced like Dubai but beautiful and awesome enough for my taste). That is the place I call home, in the true sense of the word. And I’ll be flying off to RAK soon, probably by the end of this month. πŸ˜€ I think that is the only thing I’m happy about, right now. Like, really happy…like, my only spot of sunshine! πŸ™‚ Looking forward to it! I can’t wait to get there…I can already feel the familiar heat of April, the smell of the desert all around, see the barren trees everywhere… (inspite of seeing so many lush green trees out here, I still miss the sight of those bare, dry trees for some reason…probably because they symbolize home, for me). So, the thought of being back there, with my family, in a place where I belong, is what drives me on right now. πŸ™‚

So, I guess I’ll just pull myself together and go on, trusting that whatever happens will be for good! Good day to you all! πŸ™‚

P.S: These are a couple of photos I loved, from the day out with friends.

LOVE this pic! πŸ™‚

 

We were laughing at some random stupid comment...and this was clicked unexpectedly...Yet this happens to be my top fav, because of the wide smiles on everyone's face! πŸ™‚

 

Steering Through Sheer Homesickness

Today, when I read what I posted last time, I was like “OMG! What crap did I post?” I don’t know if it made sense to you. And in case you’re still trying to make sense of it, don’t worry, it won’t be often that I go so crazy as to write total insensible bullshit! Mostly, I stick to writing plainly stupid bullshit! πŸ˜€ Well, my weekend was great! I had one day of fun and another of pure lazing around. I would have loved one more day, though. But the prospect of going another day without blogging made me change my mind and look forward to the next day. πŸ™‚ I definitely know a couple of readers who missed me. πŸ˜‰

Since the very first day I joined college, I have missed home so intensely. During the first few weeks, I cried it out. There were many a nights on which I would curl up under my blanket and cry silently into the pillow, wishing I could somehow go back home and not have to come back to this hell. I used to feel instantly homesick when I listened to ‘Someone’s Watching Over Me’ by Hilary Duff because that’s a song that reminds me very intensely of home and the good ol’ times. Eventually, I got used to the homesickness. I still missed home but I slowly learnt to live with it. I found a handful of great friends, who helped a lot. It felt really comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in my sorrow. And who wouldn’t wish for a shoulder to cry on in the midst of all this misery? I did…and I will always be grateful for the friends I found here.

The first year was hard for me. Being uprooted from the place I call home, I found it difficult to cope with the atmosphere at college and especially with the ‘traditions’ and way of thinking prevalent in Kerala. I could not stand the stifling customs and norms according to which I was expected to behave. Apart from my family and friends, what I missed most terribly was the freedom I enjoyed back at home. I was born and brought up in Ras-Al-Khaimah (UAE). Even now, when I fill in my details, I cannot think of any place other than RAK which can fill the blank against Homeplace/Hometown. I know it may not be home forever…but that is where I belong.

 

Over the past 3 years, I have realized and come to understand a lot about myself. For instance, I never knew I could withstand so much of pain. Every time I came back after a vacation (inevitably to RAK), it would take me weeks to get over the fervent longing to be back at my home, with my family. Somehow, I managed to live through the struggle of those weeks with a strength that still surprises me.

If you ask me whether I’m fine with it now, I would say, to be very honest, I AM NOT! I still miss home so badly…my dad, mom, sisters…the evenings my sisters and I used to sit and talk…mom pestering me to have food…the boring Fridays…the heat during the summers…the slight fog during the winter mornings…Christmas time (!!! :()… I miss the way we used to listen to music 24*7 in the room (that’s something I MISS with a super-capital M)…hanging out with friends, checking out guys and once in a while, getting into trouble…the way I used to talk to friends over the phone for hours…the awesome food… Most of all, I miss the freedom I enjoyed there. I felt so damn free… I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I was never so bothered about what others would say or think; not as much as I have to be bothered now, anyway. I could stay out with friends for as

Home, very truly, is where the heart is!

long as I wanted (provided dad didn’t know :D), I could sit up late into the night reading or watching movies or listening to music or talking or doing WHATEVER I wanted! I miss that so damn badly!

This place has a way of getting to your nerves, suppressing you…suffocating you so terribly that you can’t stay in your senses for a moment longer. Here, I have had to ‘smother’ myself to a certain extent or quieten myself in a situation where I would have liked to speak out. All because of the conservative people and their rules…because they can’t live and let live. I had never felt so demotivated and depressed as I felt then. I’m glad I finally sorted it out and came out of that phase. And the most important thing, I never let myself be changed by the rules, customs or anything. I’m so glad I always remained true to myself, never giving in to the pressure of this place and its people. I can’t say the same for some of my friends, though.

Wherever you go, whatever you do, just don’t let anything force you to change. If you are happy with yourself, then you have no reason to change. Nothing or nobody is worth that much effort. And anyway, people who truly love you will accept you for who you are and not demand you to change. When you go through hard times in life, try to be strong and be true to yourself. I still miss home, especially right now, since it’s Christmas time (which is family time, for me) and because all my best friends are there right now…without me! 😦 But I know it will pass, like always. Maybe not completely. In fact, never completely. But I will be able to survive, live through it all with a smile…because eventually, I know I will get home…reach that place where I belong, where I’m truly happy, where I’m free to be myself.