Changing Times…

This post is so totally about me! So, it could be boring. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you! So, if you want to turn back (ie. if you have something better to do), please do so NOW!

Time seems to have gone by so fast. I still can’t believe I’m going to be done with college within a couple of months (hardly). But when I think about it, I realize that even though these 3 years may have gone incredibly fast, it has had a great impact on me. I have changed a lot…a lot more than what meets the eye. In essence, yes, I’m still the same. But in many ways, trivial and significant, I have changed. My thoughts and perceptions about so many aspects of life have undergone a transformation. The bond I share with some friends and my family have changed.

When I thought about it, I realized that I’m a different person now…a lot different from the person I was on the first day of college. I can feel it in me. Now, sometimes, when I talk, I think inside my head how new it all sounds to me, how much my views have changed. It strikes me that this isn’t me…or atleast, not the person I was. Initially, I was surprised. I had never expected this. But I love whatever changes have happened. And that gave me an idea – to write down the major or relevant changes in me, over the past 3 years.

Before: I used to believe one should have an ambition and should work hard towards accomplishing it. I always thought it was essential to find that one perfect job where you could find happiness for the rest of your life.

Now: I don’t think it’s necessary to stick to a certain career line for a whole lifetime. I think life should be experienced…and that, inevitably, involves doing what you want, what gives you happiness. Yesterday, in class, a teacher said that the youngsters of today don’t have a clear-cut goal or a sense of where they want to be. Well, I may not have a clear-cut goal but I’m truly happy with that. How can you plan for a future that is completely unpredictable? Yes, you can have dreams but a goal makes your life rigid…focused only on that particular outcome, not letting you do something else you might like better. I prefer keeping my options open, not restricting myself to anything. There’s a lot of things I want to do, lot of places I want to be… A goal wouldn’t let me live all that! Though maybe, you could say that my goal is to fulfill all my different, crazy dreams! 🙂

Before: I was really pious and an absolute believer.

Now: My perceptions about religion and God have changed so drastically. Now, I have formed my own concept about what’s God (as opposed to who it is). And I don’t believe in religion. Sometimes, I think God is more like an entity that men created so that they could blame someone for what’s happening to them. Well, that’s just another weird thought I had. No offense meant! Anyway, I guess that shows how much I have changed in this aspect!

Before: I believed that there existed a Mr. Right for me, somewhere out there, someone who was exactly the way I wanted my guy to be, someone for whom I would be a perfect match, blah blah.

Now: I do NOT believe in a Mr. Right anymore. You might find someone you truly love, someone who understands and accepts you as you are. But the whole concept of a Mr. Perfect is a total fantasy and nothing more (I have already blogged about this, and in case you want to check it out – Seeing Through Mr. Perfect…). My perceptions about relationships have changed like hell, too. I have become a lot more broad-minded and less demanding. I believe a relationship does not have to mean being together 24*7. It involves giving each other the time and space they need (something everyone might know but rarely put into practice), letting the other have a life of their own, knowing that you are always an inseparable part of it. It is about respecting each other’s choices and decisions…and a lot more, of course!

Before: I never had a particular attachment to my family. Yes, I loved them but I didn’t miss them when I was away or feel anything very deep.

Now: I’m extremely attached to my family! I may not be close with my parents beyond a certain extent but I’m really attached to them and my sisters. I miss them so badly. Even as I type this out, I wish I were back at home with them! 😦

Before: Until I got to college, I had only seen a small part of the world, known very few people. I didn’t know much of how diverse people could be. I never knew how fickle some could be.

Now: After coming to college, I have met so many different kinds of individuals. Now, I understand people a lot better and deeper. I have come to understand that there are people with so many different perspectives, behaviours and characters. And I have learnt to accept all of them, learnt to see through them, atleast to an extent. I have also realized the meaning of true friendship. Back at school, I had so many friends. We used to have this great gang and I thought we would be in touch even after school got over. I was very very wrong! But those who are still with me, I’m sure, will stay for life. And I know it will be the same after college. Those who stay, will stay.

Before: I used to study, atleast for the exams.

Now: I don’t bother to study. I go for the exams without even touching the books. The reason is simple enough: I hate the stuff I’m studying!

These are the major changes I could think of. Apart from these, some relevant changes would be: I started blogging (best thing that happened to me in 2011!!!); my perceptions about guys have changed a LOT; I have understood myself better; I discovered something I would love to do in life. And so many more imperceptible changes. I think I have begun loving changes!!! 🙂

Seeing Through Mr. Perfect…

My best friend, Kiran, once said, “It’s a good thing that we became friends. I help in keeping you rooted to reality and you remind me not to stop dreaming.” I loved what she said. Because it was wonderfully phrased and very true. I’m a person who is half-lost in my own world of dreams while she is more rational and sensible. One subject on which our opinions are poles apart is true love. She does not believe in anything of that sort; I do.

For her, true love exists in books and movies alone. It does not happen in real life. It’s just not sensible enough to be possible. True. But I love the idea because of this very lack of sense. I know it’s a really teenag-ish thought…something adolescents choose to dream about, But I have always been a firm believer in the concept of true love. It does exist. Some time in life, you will encounter your version of it. Just keep your eyes and heart open to its magic. 🙂

Anyhow, one valuable lesson I have learnt, the hard way, is that even though true love may happen, there is no such thing as a Mr./Ms. Perfect. Everyone has a certain picture of the person they want in life…the person’s qualities, appearance, behaviour…their own portrayal of Mr./Ms. Perfect. Being the super-dreamy person I am, I had a picture of my Mr. Perfect, too. Not physical attributes, just a kind of checklist listing out the qualities and traits I would want in my guy.

I always held this ‘guy’ close to heart, unknowingly or subconsciously seeking him in every guy I liked. But there would always be something missing, something wrong. I held onto the belief that I would meet him someday in life…someone who is a living embodiment of my concept of Mr. Perfect. I never lost hope. I kept waiting…thinking I would find happiness, love and eternal bliss once I met him.

Did I meet him? Well, I think I did. I met a guy who matched my concept perfectly (only exception being: he wasn’t an avid reader). I was on cloud nine (of course)!!! We connected so well, so amazingly well. We knew each other to a very surprising extent; we could even predict the other’s response to certain comments or situations. He made me laugh like hell, which is something really important for me. He was my definition of happiness. Everything was great, perfect. After all, I had met ‘my guy’.

It took me some time to realize that I was very drastically wrong. He might have been exactly like the guy I had in mind and all that. But I understood that he wasn’t really what he showed himself to be. In a lot of ways, he was not genuine. As in, he did have all that I was looking for, but was wrong in so many other ways. My friends, particularly Kiran (being ever so sensible), did see through his pretenses but I was never ready to believe any of it. Until I understood it myself. Yes, it was painful but I could not ruin my own life, being with a guy like that, however perfect he maybe. So then… I saw light! 🙂

You might have a checklist (virtual or real) of attributes your Mr./Ms. Perfect will possess. It is certainly good that you know what you want. But the ugly truth is: he/she, most probably, does not exist (barring unnatural exceptions)! You can make yourself believe that someone is perfect for you, but that does not necessarily have to be true. Another possible problem is: while you are so eagerly busy searching for this perfect person, you could pass by your soulmate (someone who is meant for you, even if he/she maybe different from your idea of ‘perfect’) without even noticing him/her. Personally, I think that would be far worse than not finding someone adhering to my concept of Mr. Perfect.

Since I dream a lot, too, I know so many out there will disagree with me. They will choose to hold onto their fantasy of meeting their Mr./Ms. Perfect. If it were earlier, I would have done that, too. But, in the long run, a relationship acquires meaning when you are able to accept the person’s flaws and love him/her in spite of it all. However perfect the person maybe, if his flaws outbalance the perfectness, how can it possibly work?

So, I had to go through this very painful, awful ‘relationship’ to learn this very valuable lesson. Like they say, everything happens for good. Maybe my enlightenment was the good intended to come out of the said relationship. 😀