Back Again

It’s been ages since I blogged. And you have no idea how many have been asking me to blog, saying they keep checking for new posts. To be honest, I’m flattered. The reason why I haven’t been blogging for so long is – hectic schedule (thanks to work) and pure laziness (thanks to me)! Right now, seeing the ‘Add New Post’ page, having my fingers literally flying over the keyboard, it feels so damn good.

Today has been an awesome day! In fact, I have been having a bit of awesomeness in each day during the past one week. Which is probably why I felt moved enough to blog today. Well, apart from the fact that I’ve made a couple of new friends, a lot has been happening. And I just had to write it out.

The past one week has been eventful. My work has begun to get a little pressurizing, at times. Even though I get irritated, I know that it will eventually turn out to be a great experience for me. So, I grit my teeth (literally, almost always) and go through these trying situations, knowing that it will pass.

I have grown closer to a really sweet person at work. Her place is right beside mine, and every now and then, we find something or the other to talk to each other. It might be stupid office-gossip, personal stuff, work-related tidbits or whatever! And, last week, when I faced a very confusing situation, I wanted to talk it out. And she was the first person to come to my mind. I loved the conversation we had. For one thing, it made me realize how close we had grown to each other. Another reason is – I LOVED the way she cleared up the whole issue, making me feel so much better.

I have made another new friend, too. A total random stranger. We started texting by chance…and then met up last week. And, well, we might not be personally close or anything. But I enjoyed the time I spent with him. He is easy and fun to be with, someone who will make you laugh, feel comfortable. So, that’s how I found a new friend.

I moved to a new place today. It’s a really cute, awesome place. Very silent, tranquil area…friendly house-mates… After I got here, I was unpacking. And it struck me. Unpacking (or even packing, for that matter) is a sort of draining process. It’s like you’re unpacking your life; you pack up every remnant of the life you spent in a place, and then you unpack that life in another place, where these things look odd, misplaced. But, eventually, those things start to belong in the new space… I hope I’ll be able to blend in with this place soon.

I have so many other thoughts running around in my head. But, right now, I need to go get some sleep. I’ll try not to let this space rot. I’ve missed blogging so much.

Strangers Breed Homesickness

Most of my friends were really happy after reading the previous post. Maybe I should write more of those – happy, chirpy posts.

Just now, while chatting with Ann, she asked me why I wasn’t posting anything. I told her I didn’t know what to write and I didn’t want to post nonsense. She, being far cleverer than me, pointed out that our mind is never devoid of thoughts, that all I had to do was pick one, write about it. And then, it struck me – she is right! There are such a lot of thoughts in my head. Now, when I sat down to blog, all the thoughts came rushing into my mind. And I don’t know what to write about.

Ann was telling me about how I used to post everyday, once upon a time…and how she used to love it. Well, I miss those times, too. Those were times when I used to stay back at the college lab until 8pm just so that I could blog in peace. Times when I couldn’t go a single day without blogging (which was kinda bad on you readers, since you had to read all the bullshit I came up with).

I think I’ve gone down a notch in terms of confidence, because you need a hell lot of confidence to write shit and publish it for the whole world to see. And now, when I think of doing that, I hear this voice in my head pulling me back, telling me I should not do anything that could make my readers hate me. You know what? I’m done listening to the stupid voice. Because, more than pleasing readers, I’m here to write, find happiness in it and just be myself. So, I took a decision. I’m not going to try too hard to please anyone, I’m just going to write/blog and be happy. Makes sense, right?  🙂

There are times when I miss college very badly. More than the place, I miss the experience of having familiar faces all around. I knew people, they knew me. There’s a certain sense of comfort when you’re surrounded by people you know, finding some familiar faces everywhere. Like there’s always someone or the other you can go to, you are not alone (unless you want to be). That’s something I miss about college.

Over here, I see so many strangers while walking to and from work. I meet so many strangers at work. Strangers I’m getting closer to. But strangers, nonetheless. And it gets really distressing, sometimes. You don’t know if you can open up, trust or be yourself with someone. After a certain point, you get tired of being careful, and wish you could let your guard down. You long to see a face you know, a face that would beam with recognition on seeing you. I’m going through that phase right now. The initial excitement of being at a new place, meeting new people and all that has subsided (begun to, actually), giving way to the homesickness that I had been ignoring all this while.

I miss people, being around people I know. I miss my family. I miss places, knowing where to go, seeing familiar places & spots. I know it will pass. Until then, I just have to deal with it. 🙂

Have you ever experienced anything of this sort? If yes, how did you get over it? 

Finding My Voice…

[Written yesterday afternoon] 

Sometimes, you get silenced by the voices around you. And when you find so many voices around you, drowning out yours, you feel kind of lost. I went through an experience of that sort. Maybe it’s the novelty of the situation or the so many new people around me. And yes, another reason could be that I’m still trying to get comfortable and settled with the people and surroundings.

Todayafternoon (that is, yesterday), I went through something like this. While I sat at one end of the table, having lunch, I observed my colleagues around me. I listened to their conversation, flowing easily, exuding the comfort that comes with friendship. My head was so filled with those voices and thoughts…to such an extent that I realized it was drowning out mine. At that moment, I felt lost…in a lot of ways.

I couldn’t find my voice, I couldn’t make sense of my thoughts…and I found myself trying hard to find words, find my voice. I’ve come across some intriguing people, who muddle up my thoughts when I try to figure them out. To be frank, it’s the first time I’m experiencing something like this. I’m amused, but also disturbed. Amused because I like trying to figure out these people. Disturbed because it’s a horrible feelings hen you lose your voice. I feel restless, scared, intimidated, suffocated and, yes…utterly, helplessly LOST!

Writer’s Block Strikes!!!

I know I have been away for a couple of days. And, honestly, I have no idea why (I know that sounds super-dumb!). I think I’m experiencing a bout of writer’s block. Because, last day, when I tried to write in my diary, I couldn’t do it. Not in a satisfying way, I mean. So, until I snap out of this, do bear with me. 🙂

On Monday, four of my classmates from school and I had gone to my school. It hasn’t changed much in the way it looks. But almost all the teachers we knew have left. Hardly a handful of our old teachers are left in school, right now. And I bet it won’t be long before they leave as well. Anyway, our favourite teacher is still there. We met him, spoke to him for a while, met a couple of other teachers and then walked  around for a while.

All the students we knew had passed out after their schooling and we weren’t familiar with any of the ones still in school. Earlier, school meant meeting all those old faces…teachers who had taught us for years, juniors we had known for so long… But now, school has lost that ‘homey’ feeling. There are hardly a few whom we know. All the students,  right now, are strangers to us. School doesn’t feel the same anymore. It’s weird when you walk into your old school and realize that you don’t know anyone over there, all those whom you knew have left. It feels like you have kinda lost that connection with the place.

Anyway, after the time at school, the 5 of us went out and spent some time together. I wouldn’t really say it was fun but, yes, I did enjoy the time. Moreover, that day, I had been feeling  really low since morning. So, the change and the time with them did me a world of good! 🙂 I came back home, all happy and feeling great! 🙂

I’ve had some (quite) profound realizations and thoughts over the past two days. And I wanted to blog about them. But thanks to my awesome writer’s block, I couldn’t get around to doing it! I promise I’ll do it soon. How soon, I have no idea! 😀