When the going gets tough…

 

 

After a lot of typing and hitting the backspace, this is my third attempt at coming up with something that is not depressing. No, today was not depressing. But I’m getting bothered by certain minor issues, which would not have happened if I had found a good friend out here. I miss sitting down and talking to someone (like a specific someone), just letting out my emotions, frustrations and everything…so that I can get it all off my mind and have new experiences. Right now, I’m trying to create the void, the empty space which I could fill up with new memories and experiences. I seem to be failing very badly. Loneliness is a bitch, I tell you. Yesterday, while walking back from my workplace, I was so intensely reminded that I have nowhere else to go (except work and home)…more than that, I was painfully reminded that I have no one I can be with. I mean, I don’t have a close friend with whom I can make after-work plans, spend time with, talk to, laugh with; a person I can always turn to.

Do you see what I meant by the first line? I don’t want to sound helplessly depressed. So, moving on…last night, I had an awesome experience. I was up whole night, talking to one of my house-mates. She is leaving in a couple of days. So, we were just having some coffee and talking. After a while, when it began raining, both of us sneaked out of the house, went up onto the terrace and stood there for some time. We talked, watched the sky, thought about our lives, got lost in our own worlds and shared the same awe and fascination as we looked up at the moon, the clouds, the stars. At that moment, I felt an inexplicable connection with her. Connection, and a pain when I realized she wouldn’t be with me, after a couple of days.

Everyone’s busy with their lives, caught up in their own joys, sorrows and problems. But experiences like this literally pull you out of your little bubble. And you open your eyes to what you’re missing.

We (my housemate and I) were up until almost 4:30 am, talking, spending time. I loved being with her. And wished she didn’t have to go. But, sometimes, letting go is the only way you can get something for yourself, only way to realize how much it means to you. Doesn’t make sense? I think I should go back to my nonsense and crap. Atleast that way, you’d know there is no point in trying to make sense of it. 🙂

 

 

Sleepy & Babbling

I’m disappointed. And irritated. And angry. All at myself. I haven’t been trying to find time for what I love the most. Even when it comes to diary-writing, I wrote something on Sunday, after a gap of almost three weeks. I’m so NOT liking this.

I haven’t had any dearth of topics to write about. There were times when I felt moved to write about some incidents. But, well, that never happened (evidently). For the past two days, I’ve been working on this one post and it hasn’t gotten anywhere yet. So, today, I got tired of feeling bad and not doing anything about it. I decided I would post something, even if it turns out to be random nonsense (like always!).

Life’s going fine. Work is good. I’ve almost got used to the surroundings and started fooling around with people (which happens only when I’m comfortable). I’m not saying it’s all good and happy every day. It does get on my nerves, at times. I miss lazing around. But that’s ok, I suppose I’ve done more than enough of that during my three years at college. 🙂

During these three weeks, I’ve learnt a lot. I have observed people, understood a lot about some, realized some painful truths and yes, learnt some lessons, gained some experiences. One basic lesson is : Do NOT trust anyone blindly; take your time. People can be really weird and I’ve realized that I should take my time before I decide to trust someone (Exceptions possible). I think I have heard and seen enough to get it into my head.

Apart from that, I’ve had a lot of thoughts (nothing new there!). Serious thoughts about what I’m doing, my future, the people in my life, what I want in life… Yet to find answers, though. By the way, have you noticed? The Freshly Pressed posts have been awesome, during the past two days particularly. Very thought-provoking, beautiful posts.

Today, I was sort of moody. So, on the way back, I got into this bookshop near my home. Having a lot of books around me helps in lifting my spirits. Works always, worked today. But I think I’m back to the moody phase. I’ll get over it, I’m sure. Meanwhile, thanks to all the strong emotions in my head, I have been writing a good lot of nonsense stuff in my diary. 🙂 Am I rambling too much? Maybe I’m just sleepy…