A World Where Safety is a Distant Dream

Winter has set in, very abruptly. One morning, when I woke up, it was unusually cold. Like, very perceptibly cold. And when the same happened the next day, it was supposed to mean that winter had arrived. Well, winter or not, there is no respite from the sweltering heat during the rest of the day!

Anyhow, I don’t intend to delve deeper into small talk. Getting straight to the point, all of a sudden, I feel like I’m being pelted with news/stories of brutalities. First, I was emotionally perturbed since I was reading Lucky. And then, there was the Connecticut

Victims of the shootings at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut and Nancy Lanza and her son Adam

Victims of the shootings at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut and Nancy Lanza and her son Adam

massacre last week. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. While reading the news article, I felt confused, helpless and terrified. Not terrified by the incident, terrified by man. Has the world come to such a situation that any random person (mentally unstable or not) can just go around killing innocent people? Kinda makes you wonder how sane the person next to you is. Just in case they decide to pull out a gun and shoot you down (and NO, I am not joking…James Holmes & Adam Lanza should serve as enough evidence). [Another recent incident I found while googling]

On Sunday, I watched Talaash, a new Bollywood movie starring Aamir Khan, Rani Mukherjee and Kareena Kapoor. It is a mystery thriller, revolving around the red-light district in Mumbai. Apart from having an excellent script, acting, dialogues and cinematography, the movie was emotionally gripping for me. Even after nearly a week, it still hasn’t left my mind. It led me to think very deeply about sex workers and their lives. Like Kareena’s character mentions in the movie, they are not even counted as part of the population and nobody cares about what happens to them.

And, just when I was slowly getting over it and falling back into the routine, I hear of this gang-rape that happened in Delhi. A 23-year

Follow the image link to read another moving post

Follow the image link to read another moving post

old girl was gang-raped in a moving bus in India’s capital city, brutally tortured, stripped and thrown out of the bus, along with the male friend who had been with her. The doctors testify that they have never seen such brutality on a victim of sexual assault. The girl has undergone a few surgeries, doctors hope she will recover but then, even if she does, she won’t be able to lead a normal life. Thanks to a bunch of demons who were too blind to see the suffering they were inflicting on another human being.

When I read about this incident, more than hurt or anger, I felt mentally weak and numb. Like I was weary, fed up, irritated at the government, people, everyone for letting it happen over and over again. I hadn’t known much of the gruesome details but happened to come across this FB post. I’m disgusted, appalled and numbed by shock. I try to create the situation in my head but, whatever I do, I cannot understand how a man could do something so destructive, let alone the thought of 5 others supporting and joining him.

I don’t know much about the girl. I don’t even know her name. But, like me, she was a young girl, who had dreams and aspirations for her life ahead…all of it shattered within hours. I can imagine the pain and torment she must have gone through, even though my imagination would be nowhere near what she actually endured. Come another controversy, and we might forget this girl, she will recede in our memories as the victim of the Delhi gang-rape. But I hope she pulls through, lives (in the true sense of the word), and does it with a strength that will put her rapists to shame. I hope she fulfills all those dreams that seem broken now, and retrieves the happiness that seems lost to her now.

I’m not vain enough to think that my blog post or FB update or heated discussions can actually make a big impact. But whatever impact it may create, I need to react. And this is my way of reacting, raising my voice against such atrocities and supporting the girl.

Hoping for a safer, better, brighter future ahead…[sounds too cliché? I haven’t completed the sentence]…for every girl in the country! 🙂

When the going gets tough…

 

 

After a lot of typing and hitting the backspace, this is my third attempt at coming up with something that is not depressing. No, today was not depressing. But I’m getting bothered by certain minor issues, which would not have happened if I had found a good friend out here. I miss sitting down and talking to someone (like a specific someone), just letting out my emotions, frustrations and everything…so that I can get it all off my mind and have new experiences. Right now, I’m trying to create the void, the empty space which I could fill up with new memories and experiences. I seem to be failing very badly. Loneliness is a bitch, I tell you. Yesterday, while walking back from my workplace, I was so intensely reminded that I have nowhere else to go (except work and home)…more than that, I was painfully reminded that I have no one I can be with. I mean, I don’t have a close friend with whom I can make after-work plans, spend time with, talk to, laugh with; a person I can always turn to.

Do you see what I meant by the first line? I don’t want to sound helplessly depressed. So, moving on…last night, I had an awesome experience. I was up whole night, talking to one of my house-mates. She is leaving in a couple of days. So, we were just having some coffee and talking. After a while, when it began raining, both of us sneaked out of the house, went up onto the terrace and stood there for some time. We talked, watched the sky, thought about our lives, got lost in our own worlds and shared the same awe and fascination as we looked up at the moon, the clouds, the stars. At that moment, I felt an inexplicable connection with her. Connection, and a pain when I realized she wouldn’t be with me, after a couple of days.

Everyone’s busy with their lives, caught up in their own joys, sorrows and problems. But experiences like this literally pull you out of your little bubble. And you open your eyes to what you’re missing.

We (my housemate and I) were up until almost 4:30 am, talking, spending time. I loved being with her. And wished she didn’t have to go. But, sometimes, letting go is the only way you can get something for yourself, only way to realize how much it means to you. Doesn’t make sense? I think I should go back to my nonsense and crap. Atleast that way, you’d know there is no point in trying to make sense of it. 🙂

 

 

Love…Breakups…Life

Just now, I read a post in a random blog. And loved it so much that I wanted to share it!! Well, ultimately, it is about forgiving oneself (about which I last posted). But apart from that basic theme, it is about a relationship that the author went through. She talks about how she fell out of love with the guy. At a certain point, she realized that she could not feel the same love for him as before; she felt a need to move on, ‘get out of it and find herself’ to quote her words. I could relate to it so well, because I have been through something of that sort, too. I fell out of love, too… I knew he loved me like crazy but I had reached a point where I just could not give my 100% to the relationship. In short, I had changed while he still remained the same… I needed to get out of it, discover myself, discover life. Breaking up with him must have been one of the most difficult and painful ‘task’ I have ever had to do. But it had to be done. Because nothing good could have come out of a relationship where one person isn’t happy.

I knew he would be devastated…but there was nothing else I could do. Pretending would have been the worst of what I could do to him. So, I did what was inevitable, what was meant to happen. We broke up. After that, it took me a long time to seriously think of anyone else. Almost 4 years have passed by… Now, when I think about it, I know that it was supposed to happen. We could not have been happy with each other, how much ever he might have loved me. But I do not regret the relationship we shared. I don’t consider it a mistake. It opened my eyes to a lot of truths… It made me understand what I actually want. And that’s a big deal! 🙂 Yes, I could have avoided the pain I caused him, if the relationship hadn’t happened. But then, we wouldn’t have had all those moments of happiness and laughter that we shared. I know he still treasures them. I do, too, to be frank. 🙂

Even now, I unknowingly compare other guys I meet to him. Some songs remind me of him. But I have learnt to cherish those memories and not hate them. I don’t need to turn the happiness I had with him into a reason for guilt. Like I always say, life goes on. I hope he has all the happiness and love in the world! 🙂

Anyway, this is the link to the post that I loved so much, and which inspired me to write about my similar experience.

Forgive Yourself More – Le Love