Today has been a day of realizations. A lot has happened and I’m almost bursting with all that I want to tell.
So, for the past few days, I’ve been kinda disturbed by certain issues. On Thursday, after work, I went to this book store that had a book fair going on. That was my way of dealing with the pain and depression. And, I’m so glad I did that. I’ve found my sure-fire way of beating depression – being around books. It makes me feel so giddy with happiness, so high…and I have to try my best to stop myself from jumping around! Which is exactly what happened the other day.
I had some emotionally wringing moments last night. And that was the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up today. I knew it was going to be a bad day. I had it all fixed in my head. At work, I had a completely unproductive time. I was disturbed and moody, in no mood to do anything and, well, ended up doing nothing! After work, I wanted to do something, anything…crazy, impulsive, reckless. Just something. And I began walking. By tiring out my legs and mind, I thought I would distract my mind from the distressing thoughts. I just kept walking. Not aimless, because there was this place ahead where I knew I would find something like a book fair. So, I kept walking, knowing I would reach there eventually. And I did.
The place is huge (bigger than what I had in mind) and very much disorganized. I found a few books I really liked, the remaining were boring, mushy romance novels or something in those lines. I spent a long time there, just taking in everything; I knew I had found a spot of happiness for myself. After spending some time there, I decided to go home since it was getting late. On the way back, I felt like having coffee and got into this coffee shop near my place. Apart from an old lady, I was the only person there. So, I was just sitting there, by myself, thinking about life, my situation and all that. I tried to have a conversation with the guy who came to serve me (because I badly needed someone to talk to, right then). When the old lady got up to leave, I smiled at her. But she didn’t respond. And I was wondering what had happened to people. They no longer had the courtesy to smile back at someone, no time to talk, no… Before I went any further with my thoughts, she came upto me and spoke to me, started by suggesting some dishes I could try.
I was surprised. She asked me what I was doing, where I stayed and other typical questions. She spoke a lot about herself. After 10-15 minutes of conversation, I knew all about her family and quite a lot about her life. She said she lives in the same building and comes down to the coffee shop when she needs peace, silence and time by herself. I felt she was kinda lonely (so was I) and that she was glad to get someone to talk to (which was mutual). We had a good conversation…about how her daughter and family had left the previous day and she wanted some time by herself to deal with the sudden loneliness. She asked me to drop by whenever I wanted to, since she was alone at home. I really liked her a lot. A very intelligent, friendly and awesome person. And I loved the way she went on talking. 🙂
When I stepped out of there, I had this great feeling within, sort of like a light shining. I could not stop smiling. I felt this sense of exhilaration, just happy about being alive. Height of happiness (*sheepish grin*) – I even mooed back at a cow that was mooing when I passed by (just didn’t want it to feel lonely, mooing by itself…and guess what? It replied to my moo!!). This is embarrassing, but I thought I’d tell you anyway (like you don’t already know I’m crazy).
I had decided the day would turn out to be bad. I was wrong. Even though it started off bad, it ended on a very happy note. Lot of awesome moments and realizations. I’ve always believed that life is about having new experiences. That’s how you live. And today, I had a handful of them – taking impulsive decisions, going off to an unknown place by myself, talking to a stranger I met in a coffee shop (should I include the mooing?). I loved it. While walking back home, I had some striking realizations.
- When we have problems, it kind of feels like there’s a void within, and lot of pain, and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well, I realized something. A void is the best way to have new experiences in life. When there’s an emptiness, you are open to new experiences. When you are in pain, the small joys in life take on a whole new meaning, and that lets you experience life better. So, like Paulo Coelho said in ‘The Zahir’, fill up that void with new experiences. 🙂
- You cannot figure out everything in life. Sometimes, you feel certain things, unusual emotions for people, places, things, anything. And you don’t know why. But we, human beings, for some reason have to make sense of it all (after all, we are supposed to be far more superior than any other creature on Earth, or so we think). And we spend a hell lot of time, bent over figuring out what we feel, why we feel…and finally, screw up whatever happiness we had. What I’m trying to say is: Don’t try to figure out everything in life. It’s ok to have emotions that cannot be explained. Don’t be adamant about getting an explanation for everything in life. It doesn’t work that way, not if you want to live life.
- (This one’s a re-realization) Do what you want, be with people you love, make sure you don’t lose the ones who mean the most to you. Life happens only once.
Happy weekend! 🙂