Silence, Voice, Clouds

Not so long ago, there was a time when I felt smothered by the voices all around me. And I felt I couldn’t find my own voice amidst all the commotion. Last day, I had an experience which was exactly opposite to the other.

Sometime towards the end of the day at work, I was feeling really dull and drained. I needed a break, very badly. So, I stepped out of the office. The window right outside my office opens up onto a mini-balcony (or something like that). I go out there, at times, to watch the rain or, like today, to take a break. There was a colleague standing near the window, looking outside. I spoke to him for a few minutes, someone else came by and he moved onto another conversation. All the while, even when I was talking, I wasn’t really paying attention to the person or the talk.

I was looking around, taking in the sights with an intensity that surprised me. There were a lot of dark clouds, signifying impending rain. I spent a long time looking at the buildings around, the clouds, the people on the road, the clouds, the greenery in the distance, the clouds, the sky. Mostly the clouds. I watched this guy, on the street below, crossing the road, weaving his way through the evening rush of vehicles. It reminded me of a maze; I smiled when he found his way out at the other end. Somehow, it didn’t seem as life-threatening as it really is.

Tired of looking at the buildings around, I lifted my gaze up to the sky, the clouds. I took my own time, admiring the breathtaking shades of grey and white in the clouds, enjoying the slight breeze. I wondered if I would get drenched, on the way home from work. A lot of thoughts passed through my mind. Meaningful lines I had read in a book, people in my life, words spoken, incidents, so many thoughts. I thought of how I could feel a happiness and peace that had been lacking in the past two weeks. I reflected on the reason for this new-found joy.

After spending some time, lost in thoughts, when I came back to my senses, I realized that I had been having a quiet talk with my inner voice. Inspite of all the noise (vehicle horns blaring, colleagues talking, blah blah), I had found a calm silence within. I could hear my inner voice so clearly, feel a silence that conquered the noise around me. This is what I meant when I said that I had gone through an experience completely opposite to the one mentioned in the earlier post. I found an amazing sense of inner calm and clarity of voice, even while surrounded by commotion. And it’s like I’ve found myself all over again, learning to listen to my thoughts over the clamour of others’. After all, awesome things happen to awesome people! [Since I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, I got a colleague to take some photos of the cloudy sky. Hope you like them.]

So, have you ever lost and/or found your voice? And do you feel fascinated by clouds? 🙂 Happy weekend, people!


Musings on Deep, Dark Nights

Did you notice the pun? I just did…and I’m impressed with myself (clearly, it isn’t always that I come up with clever stuff like that!). And I have this thing for titles…I love spending time to think up really good, catchy titles…and I usually tend to read books which have catchy titles. Anyway, I digress… (nothing new, of course!)

If I were asked what I really love writing about, one answer you would definitely get is ‘night’. Apart from the more natural topics like myself, my life and experiences, night is a ‘theme’ I love to write about. Even though I love bright, sunny days, I have a great fascination for the dark nights, the starry sky and everything about this time of the day. One interesting definition I found in the dictionary is ‘the time of darkness between sunset and sunrise’. I loved it… I loved the thought of night being a span of time connecting the sunset and the sunrise.

I have realized that I’m always at my creative best at night. There is a more easy flow of words when I write at night, as if the voice in my head is most active then. Most of my ‘best stuff’ were written at night. Back at home, there were times when I stayed up late into the night, writing till I felt satisfied, till that inner voice fell quiet. I miss all those times. Whenever I sit up at night, I can’t help but feel that I’m the only one up while the rest of the world sleeps (that doesn’t apply to the other end of the world where the sun must be just coming up). There is a kind of calm silence enveloping me, no noise except those of the reigning night. Sometimes, I feel I can actually ‘hear’ my inner voice (let’s name it Norah, because that’s a name I LOVE!!) narrating my thoughts to me, imploring me to put them down on paper. The silence around me makes me feel I’m all alone, happily so, lost in my world of thoughts while everyone else around is deep in slumber. It’s just me, awake and alone…me and my thoughts. The night-time and its attributes (the tranquility, silence, darkness) have a way of connecting to me, to my soul and yes, to Norah. Maybe that’s why words just pour out from my mind (through the pen) and onto the paper, almost without any effort, when I sit down to write at night.

I love the night sky. The blanket of darkness spread over the world, studded with twinkling dots of stars, never fails to mesmerize me and leave me in awe. The vast expanse of the sky, its infiniteness and the depth of its pervading darkness… I can’t stop admiring it, whenever I let myself be enraptured by the stupendous night sky. Last day, I witnessed the lunar eclipse. I spent a long time looking at the shining bit of the moon, fascinated by the stars thrown all across the sky… It has been a long time since I got the opportunity to indulge in the night sky-watching practice. So, it felt really good as I sat at the window, looking out at the sky, as if it held the answers to all the questions in the universe (which, maybe, it does)…as if I had never seen anything more interesting than it. The familiarity of this experience was somehow immensely comforting.

What I loved most was the thought that all my dear ones would see this very sight, if they looked up. However distant or far apart we maybe, it felt soothing, knowing that we were all connected, living under this same blanket of sky. I find nights to be one of the most miraculous and captivating phenomena of all. There’s a certain joy that creeps into my mind, as the last rays of sunlight touch the face of earth…The joy of experiencing yet another wonderful night, harbouring hopes for yet another beautiful day ahead.