In the Wake of the Void…

People keep coming into your life. It’s all part of the ride. But then, meetings inevitably lead to partings. And, you know what’s the worst part (atleast, for me) when a person leaves, be it for the time being or for good? The void they leave behind…that inescapable hollow feeling when you sense the empty space in your life that they once occupied. As much as I love being with dear ones, I hate having to confront this void.

As mentioned in the previous post, my sister was here for a few days. She left on Saturday. And I was left face-to-face with a gaping hole that was the remnant of her presence here with me. Coming back to the room, knowing I was going to be by myself all over again…it was hell! Next day, I couldn’t bring myself to go out because I knew I would be reminded of all the times we had passed by those paths in the past few days. So, I stayed in.

Later, sometime at night, I had a talk with Kiran. I was surprised when she mentioned something along the same lines. She said that the worst part about people stepping out of your life was the memories they left behind. All you have to remember them by are those memories. My youngest sister, Ann, also said something similar – “The pain will be there as long as you are surrounded by stuff that reminds you of them.”

I might get over this situation in a couple of days. But it led me to think of all the friends I miss or have lost contact with…friends who have left a void and faded off, the intensity of it diminishing with each passing day yet refusing to disappear completely. And I felt a little lost. Disoriented would be a better word, I suppose. Take a moment and think of every single person who has moved out of your life, whom you miss in your own ways…and you might understandMemories what I’m talking about. Isn’t it disconcerting when you ponder over how much everything has changed, right from the person you are to the people in your life? That’s precisely what I felt when I had this train of thought yesterday.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I miss my sister. I miss some of the people who had been with me at different points in life. Nevertheless, I guess I’ve learnt to live with this emotion and all that it entails (writing helps immensely!).

Considering it’s the end of the year, I thought it would be the right time to put out this post. For everyone who has been/is part of my life, thank you for leaving me with a treasure trove of memories. I miss you in my own way. 🙂

 

[ P.S: For all the assholes who were in my life, the above message isn’t applicable to you. But yeah, thank you..for all the lessons I learnt, the hard way…for being the reason I could recognize your kind, later in life. You’re lucky I’m stopping at that. ]

Of Palms, Feet & Spaces

Yesterday, I went out with my housemate, her brother and my sister (Janet). It was tiring, but enlightening in some ways. We went to this book fair, spent time checking out books… It’s always bliss to have books all around me! We had lunch, roamed around a bit, blah blah. It was past 5pm or so when we got back home. Completely drained and dead tired.

The enlightenment was more like an insight into myself. While travelling in the bus, on the way to some part of the city, I realized that I have a kind of claustrophobia. It’s not that I’m always afraid of all closed/cramped/tight places. For instance, I’m not at all uncomfortable while using an elevator. But then, sometimes, when I see walls all around me or can’t see beyond to an open space, I feel this rush of anxiety, a weird sense of suffocation. I was surprised when it struck me; I had never noticed it until now.

How I came to realize this fact about myself – While the bus was passing by a building, the wall was visible right outside the window (to my right). I could just reach out and feel its rough surface. And when I looked to my left, there were people crowding around, and I couldn’t see beyond the wall of human bodies. I felt like I’d begin to suffocate…a clutch of panic in my mind. That was when I understood that I’m claustrophobic, to some extent.

Another enlightenment I had was in the book fair, when I chanced upon a certain book. During the past couple of days, I’ve been talking, reading and thinking a lot about certain unconventional fields of study – astrology, palmistry. What drew me to them is the fact that they combine science (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE) and ethereal, metaphysical elements (which I find intriguing).

At the book fair, yesterday, I saw this book – The Complete Illustrated Guide to Palmistry. I flipped through it, stopping for longer on some pages; the images, texts and concepts all jumping out at my inquisitive mind. Apart from the fact that it was detailed, illustrated and written in an interesting way, I loved the book because of the sheer curiosity it awakened in me. Anyone who saw me could have seen the unmasked excitement on my face!

I’m sure my face must have looked even more animated when I found another book below the palmistry one – The Complete Illustrated Guide to Reflexology. I have always liked the concept of reflexology but didn’t know anything much about it. Beyond the basics, that is. So, seeing the book, I went through it, trying to get a deeper idea of a topic I like. And, I was surprised to find myself going on turning pages, falling in love with the book. I loved the illustrations, explaining how to massage, where and how to apply pressure at the right points for the right reasons.

When I moved towards my sister and away from the book, I felt this longing, pulling me back… I had fallen in love with the book. I had discovered interest and zeal for something so unexpected. And I knew I wanted to learn, know more about it.. So, I’ve been trying to get more information on the subject, checking out possible courses, blah blah. And I couldn’t help sharing it with y’all. 🙂

As far as work is concerned, the bad phase is slowly starting to brighten up. I just completed my first major event, quite successfully. More on that later! I’m still demotivated, more or less, but I’m sure that will pass. Janet is here for a couple of weeks, so it feels really good. I’ve become aware of the presence of an awesome friend. I’ve been having a lot of chocolate. 🙂 Seems like good times are just around the corner.

Diary-Writing=Blogging????

Yesternight, my younger sister – Janet – came home after her first year exams! 🙂 So, after many months, all of us are together again! 🙂 It feels great, obviously. But today has been kind of a bad day. Don’t know why but I’ve been feeling a little low. Actually, I hate Fridays; I’ve always hated them for some reason or the other. And I’ve rarely had happy Fridays (except maybe when I was back in college).

Even right now, sitting here, thinking of what to write for today, I’m blank. There’s a certain kind of monotony settling in right now, a sort of pattern in the way I spend my days. And I HATE that! I absolutely hate monotony in life and can get easily demotivated by it. Which is probably why I’m feeling low right now. Because I seriously can’t put my finger on any other possible reason!

You know what? Janet never really reads my blog. But recently, when I asked her, she told me that she read the last few posts, through the updates in Facebook. I was extremely happy when I heard that. So, when she came, I asked her what she thought about it. She was like “It’s more like diary writing, I thought blogging was supposed to be like talking about a specific topic.” She joked that it would have been better if I just started diary writing over on my blog. OK, I admit I was a little disappointed by the nonchalance and lack of appreciation in her comment. But apart from that, I was struck by what she said.

So many people think blogging is about voicing your opinions on serious issues (like politics, current affairs, blah blah). Yes, it is about all that. And so much more. Much much more. Blogging is a platform for you to write about absolutely anything you want. It could be about your thoughts, your take on some issue, improving your writing, talking about experiences, reaching out to similar writers, displaying your talent (photography, writing, art), sharing new information (recipes!!!), just random banter…anything under the Sun.

A blog isn’t exactly a place where people discuss and/or argue about the latest political developments or social issues, although it is certainly a part of blogging. You could just be blogging about your day, what you did or what you went through, or even something as simple as what you ate for lunch. And it would still be called blogging!

(I hope) This is how my readers look like while reading my nonsense 😛

I know my blog is of a personal nature and might seem more like journal entries. But this isn’t how I write in my diary. I CANNOT blog about everything that happens in my life, I can write that in my diary. I do not write elaborately about my crazy thoughts in my diary, I save those for my blog. I do not find like-minded people through my diary, I do it over here. I do not let anyone read my diary (Hell NO!); on the other hand,I want people to read my blog (which clearly points out this is NOT diary-writing for me!). Reading my diary would be utterly boring for others,  while my blog is far more interesting (atleast, that’s what  I hope!). I do not want ‘likes’ and comments on my diary, but I want them here. And, I have to admit, I write a lot more of bullshit in my diary! 😀

I could come up with so many more differences between the two. But, I guess this will do, for now (can’t wait to get my sis to read this!). Let me also add this one bit – I LOVE diary writing! Just as much as I love blogging (though I’m a lot more regular with the latter!). Damn, where did I begin and where have I ended up? Like every other time!! Nothing new, I suppose. Anyway, I hope I’ve made the idea of blogging a tiny bit clearer to all those who thought it was diary-writing! 🙂

Happy weekend to y’all! 🙂

 

Where I Disappeared To… ;)

It has been a whirlwind week. Literally. I just got back to college after a week full of fun, activities and travelling. During the past 7 days, I went through parts of 4 different districts of the state, met a handful of amazing people and had some awesome time! And thought a great lot of stuff. Along with the crazy fun, there were so many instances when I was struck by profound thoughts. Every time I got a thought like that, I jotted it down so that I would remember it all to be posted here later, when I get back. 🙂

 

Well…to start from the beginning. On 22nd, all of my classmates from the hostel went out on a day out. It was more like trekking and I get easily tired by that. But we had a great time. We took a hell lot of photos (which isn’t really my thing, to be honest), chattered a lot, laughed so much and, basically, had a lot of fun! I’ll try putting up some pics in another post, coming up soon. Anyway, I loved the time we had. We checked out the stuff in the shops. I found this shop selling second-hand books and there were a handful of books that I have been longing to read. I bought ‘The Romanov Prophecy’ by Steve Berry. That was enough to make the rest of my day super-awesome! 🙂 I should mention that the lunch wasn’t satisfying enough but the fun parts outshine the disappointment. So, never mind!

 

Thekkady Boating Ticket Counter and Tourist In...

One spot we went to, if my memory is right!

 

The day passed so fast, hours passing by in a blur of laughter, photos and the happiness of being with your friends. 🙂 We got to meet this cute guy who came to talk to us and even clicked some photos for us! I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, but I really liked him. He was…ummm…fun in a mischievous way! 😉 We did meet a couple of other guys, too. Anyway, all of us were exhausted but super-happy by the time we got back to hostel. Next day, all of us went home. It kinda felt like we were leaving forever, but I was glad to know I’d be coming back! 🙂 I never thought I would actually feel that!!

At home, I spent time with Janet (that’s my sister). We spoke a lot, caught up with each other’s lives, laughed a lot, talked about childhood memories and fought a tiny little bit. 🙂 As usual. We also went out, one evening. Just to the town, roamed around a bit, chattering all the while. 🙂 There were some issues she was caught up in. So, that kinda dampened our moods, in between. I had a fight with dad and some other issues, too. Both of us were really depressed when we left home but since I was going to my friend’s place, I pushed everything out of my head. I could deal with it later, anyway…

At my friend’s place (Betsy is her name), we just spent some time, lazing around, watching some movies, sleeping, talking and loafing around. On 28th, I went to meet Kiran at her hometown. 🙂 It felt so good to see her after so long (more than a year). I was introduced to her friends from college. I found them to be a pack of really sweet, friendly, crazy and super-awesome girls who were absolute fun to be with. There were 6 of them. Yes, I did feel kinda weird, initially, since I was meeting them for the first time. But I slowly got over it. That night, we wanted to do something fun or mischievous. But most of them were sleepy and wanted some proper sleep. So, there were just 3 of us (plus me and Betsy) – Pranavi, Meghna and Disha – sitting on the bed, talking. We shared some ghost stories (with the lights off)! It was fun because all three were kinda scared yet wanted to listen to all the horror stuff. Pranavi was so scared and used to scream at the slightest of noises and stuff. She got super-scared and yelled when Meghna touched her by mistake! We spent the whole night talking! We were babbling till almost 4:45am!

After the horror story session, we spoke about random stuff like science, religion, God, so on. Then, we had a game of Truth (& Dare, but since we were not in a situation to do Dares, we stuck to playing just Truth!). It was SUPER-AWESOME! I loved it! We asked each other a lot of wayward questions, some insane, some perverted, some just stupid! We laughed so much at the bullshit we were saying, shared so many experiences and made most of those few hours we had with us! I know I might not be personally close to any of them, but I had enough fun that night to form a sort of bond with them. 🙂 Next day, we had to get up at 7 or so. We got ready and went for the wedding.

It was the first time I was attending a Hindu marriage. I was fascinated by their rituals and customs. Since the minute it began, I was paying close attention to what was happening and was so lost in it that I didn’t see anyone/anything else. I really loved it! Apart from the fact that it was short, sweet and simple, there was a lot of meaning in their rituals. And I should admit, I would love to have a Hindu marriage! 🙂 Seriously! After the marriage, we had lunch, spoke to Kiran for a while and then, had to leave. Betsy and I bid our farewells and went on our way home, after two great days with some really wonderful people! 🙂 I got back to hostel the next day (ie, yesterday). So, that’s what I’ve been upto during the past one week. It has been hectic, I admit. But I would do it all over again, any day! Without a doubt, or a moment’s hesitation! 🙂 I loved the experience…and all that came with it – the people, the good times, thoughts, everything. Yes, I know I haven’t mentioned the thoughts…more of that coming up. And I’ll try getting some pics for the upcoming posts! 🙂

One for now... 🙂 that's us, hostelers from my class, at Thekkady

…… :-/

I know it’s been a couple of days since I wrote anything. And right now, I’m like so full of emotions and dying to write out all that’s on my mind. But unable to do so, because there’s College Day coming up and we (my friends and I) are doing a dance and I need to go for the practice session sometime soon. So, that means I’ll have to wait till tomorrow. Today was our last day in college…like the last proper regular working day… like the last day to sit in class and listen to the drone of teachers, dream away, read or sleep… Somehow, none of us can actually believe that college is over. It doesn’t feel like it, nobody seems to behave like it’s over. But I know it is. I look at everyone in a new way, knowing that I might not get to see them for long after today. I’m so overwhelmed by emotions and thoughts. I need to write them all out because it feels unbearably heavy when I have to suppress something within. Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait till tomorrow. Anyway, there’s something I can’t keep for tomorrow…

It’s my youngest sister (Ann)’s birthday tomorrow. And since I won’t be able to wish her at 12, I thought I would wish her here, in advance! 🙂 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABYYYYY! Hope you have many more birthdays, filled with happiness and a lot of that wide smile of yours(which I LOVE!!!). 😀 Love you!

For my Baby Princess... :-*