Wish I Had Nothing To Do :P

I think I’ve caught a cold. Even though I don’t mind it much, I hope it goes off very soon.

Yesterday was kinda weird. I was confused, sad, disturbed but happy in some ways. Last night, while chatting with Ann, I was feeling so low and wasn’t saying anything much. And then, she wrote out this quote: “Stand tall, smile bright, and let them wonder what secret’s making you laugh!” Surprisingly, it’s from Angels & Demons (one of my top favourite books) and I didn’t know it. She made my day and I tried to go to sleep with a lighter heart. And well, today was a better day. Although I did get bored at work!

Janet is coming over tomorrow. 🙂 I’m really excited. Initially, I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so happy. But then, today I understood. During the past one week or so, I’ve been amidst a lot of strangers. I did become good friends with some but, at the end of the day, you can’t deny the fact that they are strangers (who are 1 week old, for me). And after being with strangers for so long, tomorrow I’m going to see someone I know, someone I’m very much familiar with. The mere thought is so exciting! 🙂 So, I guess I have a great weekend coming up.

Today, while going through a magazine, I read this line – ‘Do nothing planned this weekend… Read, listen to music, stay quiet, watch

Miss this so badly… 😦

the rain…‘ It was such a tempting idea…sounds exactly like the kind of thing I want to do! It’s been a while since I got time to do something like that – do nothing. Maybe it’s just because the whole situation is new to me, and I need to get used to it, find time for other stuff. As much as I enjoy work, I do miss lazing around and being able to do nothing. Hah! Knowing me, before long, I’ll be talking about how I’m bored of having nothing to do! 😀

Moving On Can Be Super-Scary!

I just have two more weeks left! I don’t believe this. I can’t believe almost two months have gone by so fast! I’m already going crazy, thinking of the hell lot of stuff I’ll have to do once I get back. And apart from the tension, one emotion that’s been disturbing me is the sorrow of leaving. Once I start working, I have no idea when I’ll be able to come here on a vacation like this. For now, I’m just pushing aside that thought. For later.

It might sound stupid to some and crazy to some others. Even I’m amazed at what I’m about to embark on. I have absolutely no idea about what to do or how to go about with things, once I get back to India. I’m planning to move to a city that’s completely new and strange to me. I don’t even have close friends there! And I have no plan, not even a rough idea of how I intend to make this happen. Am I scared? Hell, yes, I am. Am I tensed? Yes, very much, even though I’m keeping a large part of it for later.

I seriously don’t know how I am going to find a place to stay, live by myself, manage everything by myself in a completely new city… I did NOT tell my parents about how scared I’m. I don’t think I ever will. They are already pretty freaked out and tensed. They tried tempting me with the idea of working over here. But I stayed firm on my decision. Anyway, I don’t want them to know I’m super-clueless, too. All that worry could be injurious to their health. 🙂

I did talk about this with some friends. Some of them said they believed I could do it, that I’d be able to pull through these situations. But a couple of my closest friends (one of them being Saba) were really concerned and asked me to think well before deciding. Saba, in particular, was super-worried. She tried her best to talk me into staying here. And, to be frank, she made me think about a lot of aspects that hadn’t occurred to me. Anyhow, eventually, she supported me in my decision. Not because I convinced her or anything (I doubt I’ll ever be able to do that!). But because she knows me.

For one thing, I’m firm (read: stubborn) when it comes to my decisions. Another thing, as she rightly pointed out, is that if I fall for my parents’ suggestion and stay back, I’ll never be able to feel fully happy. I will always wonder how things would have turned out had I gone forward with my plan. And it will keep gnawing at my happiness. So, she told me that it’s better that I go ahead with my decision. Otherwise I’ll never be happy. 🙂 I love her for saying that!

I’m aware of the risk I’m taking. I know things can go wrong. Very wrong. But, let’s just be positive. And, even if something goes wrong, I know I’ll deal with it somehow. That’s what life is about, after all. That’s how you learn to live! Exactly why I want to take this risk. I want to get out of the comfort zone that I’ve been in all these years, know what it is like to live by myself, deal with problems on my own…experience life. 🙂

Lot of hopes, dreams…and yes, a tiny bit of worries. Let’s wait and see how things turn out to be! 🙂

Realizations formed out of Hardships

TADAAAA!!!! I’m back. And I can’t explain how happy I’m!!! 🙂 I actually felt relieved thinking of college reopening…not because I’m eager to sit in the boring classes but because I can get back to what I love the most – blogging! I know I sound obsessed. I am, to be frank! As expected, I have lots to blabber about. I just can’t wait to get started.

This Christmas, as feared, was the worst I have had until now. And the worst I will ever have, I hope. Before I go into that, I want to share a compliment I received from one of my teachers. He is a lot more than a teacher for me; he is more like a fatherly figure…someone who understands me a lot. Recently, when I spoke to him, he told me that he had gone through my blog, read a few posts and that he loved it. He has always encouraged me and urged me to write more. So, he was really happy to see that I’m writing with the same vigour as before. He said that I have matured in my thoughts and perceptions, which clearly echoed in my writing. One thing he pointed out to me was that even though I wrote about some negative experiences, I always brought it out in a positive way; maybe in the way it is presented, maybe in the way I see it, so on. It was something I hadn’t noticed but when he said it out loud, I realized that he was right. My writing reflects positive vibes, even when the matter maybe negative. I think that is great, because I’m a person who gives a hell lot of importance to being and thinking positive. Wow! You rock, Rosh! 😛

About the Christmas tragedy, thanks to the uncle and aunt here who cannot seem to say a word without sounding rude, I have been depressed since the moment I stepped into that house. And believe it or not, I actually cried on Christmas day, of all days, because I could not stand it anymore! That’s as bad as they can get! Anyway, while talking about this with the teacher, he consoled me and said that I will be able to find something positive from these experiences…that I will be able to reach out to others in the same situation when I write about it. As expected, it has turned out to be true.

On Christmas day, I went to a relative’s place in the evening…actually, I went to a couple of families. And all of them were so warm, loving and really sweet. I could see that they were genuinely happy to have me there, that they cared. After all the disturbing episodes, this realization was so much like a contrast…but one that I loved! I understood that I have a family (relatives, that is)…one that loves me and cares for me, even though a select few may behave otherwise. I realized that just because of those few, I should not think everyone else will be like them. I’m lucky to have so many people who love me, even though they may not really know me. Isn’t that more important than all the negative experiences I went through?

All of us want happiness and good experiences. Nobody would ever wish for a bad one. But we tend to forget that the bad experiences are the ones that pave the way to happiness…they help us understand what happiness is. I’m not saying you should start wishing for something bad to happen. All I’m saying is: next time something unhappy occurs, try not to be too blinded by depression; keep your eyes open to the joy that is about to come your way. Know that every tear you shed is ultimately meant to symbolize the times you will laugh later on…soon enough. Sometimes, you might wonder how some people can be so strong in the face of trouble. Now, you know how. They just have to welcome the stark reality that bad times are like a ‘prelude’ to happiness! 🙂

This is taken from the book P.S I Love You by Cecelia Ahern (a beautiful book that I would always love to read again and again). A very beautiful line. I felt it so wonderfully brings out what I’m trying to say.

“Nobody’s life is filled with perfect little moments. And if it were they wouldn’t be perfect little moments. They would just be normal. How would you know happiness if you never experienced downs?”