Down. And I Don’t Know Why!

Yesterday, I was almost about to blog about this. But then, I thought it would be too emotional, too personal. After all, this is a blog, not my personal diary. I know this will be read by so many others and I wouldn’t want them to get bored with TMI about my emotions. So, I stopped myself from it. But today, I was checking out other blogs using the WordPress Reader, in an attempt to find some thread to blog about. While deciding which one to pick first, I saw the first few lines of a blog post. It sounded SO much (read: SO SO SO SO much) like what I was going through and I immediately knew I’d connect to it.

I read it. I loved it! I can’t tell you how much. I know it will seem negative and depressing to most of you, but I loved it because I know what the blogger is going through; because I echo everything she has said in the post. I don’t know if it’s mean to say this (I already told this to the blogger, anyway) but it felt comforting, in a lot of ways, to know that I’m not alone in my weird situation, that there is someone else going through the very same. Reading that post did quite a lot to lift my spirits a tiny bit higher. 🙂 I’m so glad she (the blogger) decided to post it, even though it was way too personal. Thank you so much, hastywords. This is the post I’ve been talking about, the post that inspired me to write the one I’m writing now – Mess In A Dress.

So, after reading that post, I’ve decided that I can blog about what I’m going through. The fact that someone else has already done it gave me courage. But apart from that, I also realized that there may be others out there who are feeling the same as me and I might be able to reach out to them, give them a little comfort, and let them know they aren’t alone. I know some of you will get bored…it’s going to be depressing for some. I suggest you turn back now, if you think you don’t want to deal with this (like you don’t have enough of your own, right?). Now (assuming there’s no one crazy enough to continue reading), I guess I’m free to ramble on to myself (love talking to myself!).

Well, I’ve been feeling so weirdly down, disturbed, confused and irritated for the past few days. And I don’t know why. Maybe it’s my usual spat of down-time. Whatever it is, I hate it! There’s this good friend of mine who has been asking me what the reason is, trying to help me as much as he can… How can he possibly help me when I don’t know the reason myself? It is frustrating when you know that you’re hurting your loved ones, and you can’t seem to do anything to stop it. I want to try to open up, but can’t seem to get the words out. It’s all there in my head, just can’t seem to bring it out (though it seems to be working over here!). How do I tell someone that I’m disturbed but don’t know why?

I don’t feel like doing anything, talking to anyone; nothing seems to make sense right now. I know I have so many loving souls around me, yet I can’t feel happy. I’ve tried figuring out why but haven’t got an answer yet. It’s surprising, though, how I can’t talk about this to any of my close friends but can tell it out so publicly here on a freaking blog!

Exactly, baby! You’re so right!

Well, so…that’s my problem. I’m disturbed, feeling so low and frustrated but I don’t know why. I feel almost suffocated by the overload of distress in me. I feign a happiness I don’t feel, I smile and talk pleasantly while inside, there’s this immense heaviness pulling me down, tearing me apart from within.

I’m not expecting any of you to flood me with comforting comments or anything. Hell, I don’t even expect you to read this! I suppose this was just an attempt to let out what’s in my head, what’s been there for quite a few days now. And if anyone reading this is experiencing the same down-time: “Hey there, I know how you feel. But I guess it’s ok. They say there’s a brighter side to everything. Maybe we should just stick together (all of us depressed souls) until we get to that side.”

 

P.S: I’m already feeling kinda better. 🙂

A Dose of Down-Time :(

Today is one of those days. I’m feeling so low. OK, not without a reason, I admit. Some issues have come up with the schedule and it’s getting on my nerves…which is VERY VERY BAD! Because I’m not in the mood to deal with anything of this sort, at the moment. But of course, Mr.Life (or is it Ms. or Mrs.)  has this way of flinging problems my way whenever I’m trying to deal with another. Does he/she think it’s funny? Because if he/she does, then it’s NOT! It’s seriously not funny to have to worry about something when I’m already a little low…when I want to be happy… Mr. Life, I think you should quit your job and let some awesome people (=ME, obviously) take over! I could do so much better than you! So, if you want to keep your job, pull yourself together, and get your act right!

Ha! That felt a lot better. It always helps me calm down when I have someone/something to shout at… 🙂 So relieving! What do you do to let out steam? (Just in case you love shouting out, like me, consider this a perfect platform for your pent-up anger! Always welcome, people!)

I’m sorry I won’t be coming up with interesting thoughts or experiences today, because all I want to do right now is let out the frustration I’m feeling. And I think I did that quite fine, for now! It’s weird how my blog has become something like a place where I (kinda) talk to myself (since I’m not saying all this to anyone in particular; I’m just saying it, right?)…I blurt out whatever’s in my head, good, bad, happy, sad, everything. It’s weird how I find joy in it! And now, I come over here just to shout out my anger, at nobody in particular! Isn’t that, like, super-cool? Thank you, WordPress! You rock! Happy weekend, people! 🙂

P.S : Maybe Friday the 13th is actually unlucky for me! Anyway, Happy Friday the !3th, everyone! 😀

…… !!!????!!!

I don’t know if anyone else out there has experienced this. But I certainly have. I have noticed that life seriously is a lot like a rollercoaster. It has so many ups and downs, sometimes really abrupt ones. And after every up, there’s this downward plunge, too. What I mean to say is, after every happy time, there will be an unhappy time. Almost always. After a month or so of some great ‘up-time’, I think life has taken its journey along the downward curve, for me, that is. I’m going through a down-time right now. 🙂 It’s really weird. I try to explain it to people. But I find that I can’t. I am not sad or unhappy. I’m just not happy. How do you explain an emotional state like that? A kind of no-emotion-state. While something good happens, I might feel some happiness, but that evaporates right when the moment is gone. Nothing seems to be touching me enough to make me truly happy. I wouldn’t say there’s nothing happening. There is, definitely, a lot happening around me. But somehow, none of it seems to be ‘happening’ enough. I’m so bored and feeling so dead. I guess that’s part of life, part of having an amazing up-time. 🙂 Well, I hope this weird phase passes off soon.

Right now, as I sit down to write something, I find myself at a loss of words. I can’t think of anything. And I am not happy with whatever I do manage to write about. See…this is what comes out of my down-time. I have been indulging in a lot of thoughts, as always. And I did want to blog about some of them. But now, I don’t feel inspired enough to write about any of them. Maybe some other day. Hopefully. 🙂

Well, so…it’s yet another weekend. Time seems to be flying, like, literally. All I can remember are weekends, one after the other. All the days in between seem to have blended together to form one big, boring day. Wow! I can be so positive! Anyway, all my friends have gone home, except one sweet soul (thank god for her)! So, it’s going to be a peaceful, lazy weekend with lots of time for myself. That also means lots of time for writing out, listening to lots of music, reading, dreaming, thinking…and doing all the nonsense I want to. 😛 And of course, I hope it helps me get over this weird episode of writer’s block I’m facing. 🙂