Silence, Voice, Clouds

Not so long ago, there was a time when I felt smothered by the voices all around me. And I felt I couldn’t find my own voice amidst all the commotion. Last day, I had an experience which was exactly opposite to the other.

Sometime towards the end of the day at work, I was feeling really dull and drained. I needed a break, very badly. So, I stepped out of the office. The window right outside my office opens up onto a mini-balcony (or something like that). I go out there, at times, to watch the rain or, like today, to take a break. There was a colleague standing near the window, looking outside. I spoke to him for a few minutes, someone else came by and he moved onto another conversation. All the while, even when I was talking, I wasn’t really paying attention to the person or the talk.

I was looking around, taking in the sights with an intensity that surprised me. There were a lot of dark clouds, signifying impending rain. I spent a long time looking at the buildings around, the clouds, the people on the road, the clouds, the greenery in the distance, the clouds, the sky. Mostly the clouds. I watched this guy, on the street below, crossing the road, weaving his way through the evening rush of vehicles. It reminded me of a maze; I smiled when he found his way out at the other end. Somehow, it didn’t seem as life-threatening as it really is.

Tired of looking at the buildings around, I lifted my gaze up to the sky, the clouds. I took my own time, admiring the breathtaking shades of grey and white in the clouds, enjoying the slight breeze. I wondered if I would get drenched, on the way home from work. A lot of thoughts passed through my mind. Meaningful lines I had read in a book, people in my life, words spoken, incidents, so many thoughts. I thought of how I could feel a happiness and peace that had been lacking in the past two weeks. I reflected on the reason for this new-found joy.

After spending some time, lost in thoughts, when I came back to my senses, I realized that I had been having a quiet talk with my inner voice. Inspite of all the noise (vehicle horns blaring, colleagues talking, blah blah), I had found a calm silence within. I could hear my inner voice so clearly, feel a silence that conquered the noise around me. This is what I meant when I said that I had gone through an experience completely opposite to the one mentioned in the earlier post. I found an amazing sense of inner calm and clarity of voice, even while surrounded by commotion. And it’s like I’ve found myself all over again, learning to listen to my thoughts over the clamour of others’. After all, awesome things happen to awesome people! [Since I was so overwhelmed by the whole thing, I got a colleague to take some photos of the cloudy sky. Hope you like them.]

So, have you ever lost and/or found your voice? And do you feel fascinated by clouds? 🙂 Happy weekend, people!


Finding My Voice…

[Written yesterday afternoon] 

Sometimes, you get silenced by the voices around you. And when you find so many voices around you, drowning out yours, you feel kind of lost. I went through an experience of that sort. Maybe it’s the novelty of the situation or the so many new people around me. And yes, another reason could be that I’m still trying to get comfortable and settled with the people and surroundings.

Todayafternoon (that is, yesterday), I went through something like this. While I sat at one end of the table, having lunch, I observed my colleagues around me. I listened to their conversation, flowing easily, exuding the comfort that comes with friendship. My head was so filled with those voices and thoughts…to such an extent that I realized it was drowning out mine. At that moment, I felt lost…in a lot of ways.

I couldn’t find my voice, I couldn’t make sense of my thoughts…and I found myself trying hard to find words, find my voice. I’ve come across some intriguing people, who muddle up my thoughts when I try to figure them out. To be frank, it’s the first time I’m experiencing something like this. I’m amused, but also disturbed. Amused because I like trying to figure out these people. Disturbed because it’s a horrible feelings hen you lose your voice. I feel restless, scared, intimidated, suffocated and, yes…utterly, helplessly LOST!