Back to an Empty House

I must admit, I absolutely enjoyed writing the previous post. For one thing, I love writing letters. And when it’s to oneself, there’s quite a lot of introspection that goes into it, so much that it feels like an experience in itself. But then, working on a great post (if I may say so myself) has a downside. The thought of writing another one that matches up to it or even gives you the same level of satisfaction is pretty pressurising. Pair that up with the sense of laziness that constantly hits me (especially when it comes to facing a blank page!) and you’ve got one sad blog-space.

However, that’s not all. There is another reason behind my reluctance (or slackness, whatever you’d like to call it) to blog more regularly. To put it simply, it’s not the same anymore. The bloggers I used to interact with don’t write much anymore (or they have abandoned me since this place has been gathering dust for quite a while), same goes for the ones I used to ‘follow’ and truly loved. It’s a bit like coming back to an empty house.

What’s more, even the Freshly Pressed (FP) page on WordPress (WP) has changed. And truth be told, I don’t like it! Freshly Pressed was where I used to come across some of the best pieces across the WP-world. From posts that made me laugh (and click the Follow button instantly) to ones that gave me a much-needed dose of inspiration, I’ve found it all in the FP section. Not to mention the secret, vain dream of someday getting featured there. But then, its replacement — the Discover page — doesn’t seem as ‘personal’ as the older version. In fact, the collection seems too carefully curated. Apart from posts from popular blogs, the seemingly random picks are all too eloquently written and rather impersonal. Or atleast there were hardly any that I could connect with, let alone be inspired by.

In short, adding to what I said earlier, it’s a bit like coming back to an empty house in a completely transformed neighbourhood. Which is basically what pulls me back or confuses me every time I fight lethargy and open up the ‘Add New Post’ page.

Nevertheless, sometimes the urge to write just wins (as it should) and a rambling like this is what comes out of it. Hopefully, it won’t take as long next time around.

Happy. Thank you. More Please!

I’m home (read: RAK) for two weeks! I have been reading, talking to my bratty sister, devouring mom’s awesome food and, well, having a good time! In short, I am happy. It sounds almost surreal to say that. But I actually am happy. For now, atleast. Anyway, so, I have also been watching quite a lot of movies. Last day, I happened to watch one that I really, badly wanted to blog about. So, here I am. Sometimes, amidst the flurry of superhero, horror, thriller, comedy, drama and romance movies, you come across something refreshing. Predictable yet different. Happythankyoumoreplease (2010) was one such movie for me. It’s a romance-comedy-drama film that I stumbled upon while checking out some other flick in IMDB. The synopsis seemed interesting and I added it to my to-watch list. For the past 3-4 months, it had been gathering virtual dust in my laptop, until I decided to watch it yesterday. And I’m glad I did! There are three parallel stories in the film, told seamlessly, delving into the lives, relationships and problems of a handful of characters. Sam (Josh Radnor, who is also the director-writer) is a struggling writer who develops a complicated friendship with a lost child. His best friend, Annie (Malin Akerman), an Alopecia patient, tries to fix her messed up self-image and, in turn, her love life. Sam’s cousin, Mary Catherine (Zoe Kazan) and her boyfriend face certain problems in their relationship. Also in the picture is Mississippi (Kate Mara) – a charming, young waitress with issues of her own – who Sam falls for. OK, so, I know it sounds completely cliché. I agree, it is. And yet, I absolutely loved it. It felt like a breath of fresh air to me with its simple premise and extremely likeable, not to mention relatable, characters. I really don’t know why I found it so good. Maybe it just happened at the right time, like, I probably needed something light after the bout of “heavy” movies I had been watching. Perhaps, it’s because I found a genuinely feel-good movie after a long time. Or, maybe, it’s truly as awesome as I think it is! Whatever be the reason, it doesn’t really matter. Because the bottom line is: I loved the movie! It’s refreshing, light, happy, warm and…(the best part) even uplifting, in some ways. I think I could see bits and pieces of myself in the characters and their difficulties. The dialogues are another aspect I really liked. Sample this: “I realized the problem. You write short stories… and I think you like living short stories, but I’m kinda ready for the novel.” I was also quite taken by the music; some of the songs had really interesting lyrics. By the time the end credits were rolling, I was feeling quite happy in a way I can’t seem to explain. Probably because  it’s not usual for me to feel that way after a movie. This one, inspite of being predictable, had a lot more sense and warmth than many other rom-com-dramas. It’s not even about that, to be honest. You don’t always come across a light-hearted movie which actually lifts your mood, even makes you feel…inspired-happy, for lack of a better word. That’s the effect Happythankyoumoreplease had on me. And I can’t remember the last time a movie made me feel so good! So there! I think I’m done with the gushing. Your turn! Oh, that reminds me. I hate the “like” option WordPress has enabled for comments. Maybe I am overreacting, but I suppose I can still have my say. Earlier, the only way to respond to a comment was by, well, replying to it. The plain old reply in words thing. Now, you have the option of merely “liking” the comment, offering the gesture as a possible response. I hate that! It cuts off conversation! I suppose it might be Facebook-inspired. But then, it’s fine in FB, because you can conveniently end an unnecessary comment thread by just clicking the ‘like’ button (I do that all the time!). I don’t think it is required on a platform like WordPress where bloggers actually intend to communicate. And, that marks the end of my rant. For now!

Have you seen the movie? Let me know what you think. And, while you’re at it, I’d love to know what you think about the “like” option for comments, as well. 🙂

A Crappy Phase

For someone who has loved blogging so much, I’m shocked at what’s happening. I used to read almost all the Freshly Pressed posts, regularly visit the blogs I follow and write out the stupid thoughts in my head. And now, WordPress is a site that is near yet far away. I check out the titles of the FP posts every morning but don’t find the time to read any. Though, yesterday I read a couple of them. And I realized that it had been ages! While commenting on a post I liked, I felt like my blogging skills had gotten kinda rusty. It felt a bit foreign to me; I had been out of touch for far too long.

It’s been gnawing at me for quite a few days now. Many of my friends have been asking me about why I haven’t blogged for so long. Their questions have added to the pangs of guilt that I’ve been experiencing lately. So, since it was a peaceful, lazy Sunday, I thought I’d get down to it…and retrieve one of my most ardent passions.

The only excuse/reason I have for my prolonged absence is – lack of time and motivation! Nothing else. I’m seriously demotivated as far as work is concerned. There’s a lot of crap happening and it takes its toll on me, personally…ruins my happiness and peace of mind. Each day, I wake up, I dread the thought of going to work…but pull myself up and go through the day, longing to get back home and hit the bed! I had nothing to blog about, except a bunch of messed up, negative thoughts. I felt no urge to write out.

But then, when you’re passionate about  something and you stay away from it for some time, it doesn’t take long for you to notice how much you miss it. And that’s how I began missing blogging. I missed the excitement of opening up my Dashboard page every day, reading the comments, replying to them, thinking up new posts, looking forward to the response for it…

I’ve had people trying to motivate me, make me feel better. But, somehow, nothing works. At the end of the day, it has to come from me, I suppose. And, why it hasn’t come from me? Because there’s something missing. Something required to help me motivate myself. I can’t quite put my finger on it. What I know for sure is that there’s a void in my mind, right now. I’m trying, thinking of possible ways to fill up that yawning space within. There’s no lack of happiness, if you ask me. It’s the motivation to go on that’s absent. The feeling that I should give it my best and be the best.

Anyway, on a good note, I’m looking forward to the super-awesome phase that will certainly follow this super-crappy phase. 🙂

Malum consilium quod mutari non potest ;)

Hey! 🙂 Well, I hadn’t expected to be back so soon. But I am! 🙂 With lots to talk about. Obviously!

So, I’m back in Kerala. It’s been around 5 days since I got here yet it feels like I’ve been here for a long time now. I’m staying with my cousin and sister. It’s a relief having them here…helps me get over the occasional bouts of loneliness  that hit me. We went out on a couple of nights. I had my first experience of shopping for foodstuff by myself (with the cousin). We had to think of what all we would need for the week, stay within the budget and make sensible buys. It was interesting…and fun, in some ways. 🙂 After the first couple of days of eating out, we have been trying to cook stuff at home. And, even though it may not be as good as what mom used to make back at home, we seem to be doing fine for now. 🙂

There has been a huge change in my plans. Yes, I’m still planning to work…no change there. But in a different place. A city nearer to home but far away (way better, that is) in terms of lifestyle. And during the past couple of days, I’ve been busy job-hunting. I’m supposed to be disturbed by the sudden twist…but to be honest, I’m excited. The new plan, if everything goes fine, would mean double the experiences I’d have had with the previous plan. The idea is this: my cousins suggested that instead of moving off to a completely new place in a completely different state, I could work in a place over here (in Kerala) for a few months. That way, I’d get a taste of how it is to live by myself and will be better able to handle things when I go to a new place. Makes sense. And since it involves more places, more opportunities and more of everything, I thought I would give it a try. When else would I get to do this? So, I’m surprisingly very happy about the change in plans… 🙂 Looking forward to it.

And, that’s about what I’ve been upto. I’ve missed blogging…I’ve missed putting my thoughts into words and letting it out over here. Yesterday, when I opened up the WordPress homepage, it felt so awesome and I couldn’t stop smiling. It felt like I was back in a space where I belong…after a very long time (even though I keep reminding myself it’s just been 5 days or so!). I have a lot of catching up to do, I’ll get to that, eventually. 🙂

I Confess…I’m Addicted!

Sometimes, it takes seemingly small incidents to make you realize great truths! Like how I realized I’m super-addicted to blogging. And that I actually talk about my fellow bloggers like I’ve known them for ages! When I thought about it, I couldn’t stop laughing. It sounds so ridiculous, honestly! Because when

Uhhh…I don’t think I’ve reached this level of addiction, though! 😉

you get addicted to a social networking site, I understand it must be because you have your friends to connect to. So, how do you justify your addiction to WordPress? I have no clue. And, anyway, it’s not like I care!

Yesterday, Janet was talking about onesies. I don’t remember what but she mentioned onesies and I told her that Tinkerbelle hates it. She asked, “And who is Tinkerbelle?” I can imagine how stupid it must have sounded to her when I told her that it’s a blogger I follow. 🙂 And she had this expression on her face that seemed to shout out ‘You Are Super-Weird!’. I told her how reading someone’s blog gets you closer to the person writing it, because you’re literally reading their thoughts. But it was still too crazy for her to accept as normal.

And then, later during the day, I was telling Ann about how David has got back to his blog since it’s his vacation. Yet again, it struck me how I was talking about him like he was some close friend. As if I’ve known him for a long time. When I don’t even know if David is his real name (not that it couldn’t be, of course)!

Is this a symptom of how addicted I’m to blogging? Maybe. Or maybe not! 🙂 Have you been through a similar situation? 🙂