Of Writer’s Block & Joys of Teaching

This is what I wrote in a mail to a friend: “I want to blog so badly. It’s like there’s so much in my head that I want to blog about but for some reason, I don’t feel that urge to write…or even when I try to write it out, I don’t feel satisfied. Like, I was typing out something right now. But I feel like it’s a half-hearted attempt… I don’t feel anything driving me on from one sentence to the next…after every sentence, I come up against a dead-end and I kinda push myself.  At the end of a paragraph, when I read what I just wrote, I feel like it’s not me, not true, not complete. Like I haven’t put myself into it, which is true, of course. ”

Maybe this is a kind of writer’s block, wanting to write but unable to do it. When I read some blog posts, I get reminded of how much I have to write about and how I keep pushing it aside for later. So, right now, I thought I’d just write out something to pacify the guilty voice plaguing me.

So, I joined as a teacher in my school…completed over a week. And, yes, I’m happy. I’m still not very used to the whole system and I keep talking to some colleagues to get a better idea of what I’m supposed to do. The tasks that come along with teaching and being part of a school system aren’t very appealing. But I love the experience of teaching. I love the rush of emotions when I’m able to successfully put across a topic. I absolutely adore my students. Yes, there are a few who get on my nerves and are difficult to handle. But that doesn’t make them less loved. I enjoy getting to know them, bit by bit, each day.

At the end of the day, I come home tired and drained, usually with a sore throat and a headache. But ask me how my day was and I’ll always tell you it was good. Because when I look back at what I did in those classes, I feel a sense of happiness I can’t explain. It was fun, yes. But more than that, it meant something to me…standing there and teaching them, even if all that they grasped from it was a single word. I feel so lazy when I think about the next day. But once I’m there, I have to admit I’m happy in a way I can’t explain.

So, that’s what has been happening with me. Enjoying the new experience while trying to learn the ropes of the system. And trying to overcome this writer’s block. Or whatever it might be.

 

 

Taken Over By Laziness… :P

I know I’ve been really lazy and my recent posts sound like nonsense, more than ever  (this one will probably beat it!!). And I feel really bad about it. Trust me, I do. I haven’t been feeling all that great during the past couple of days. I did try to write something, to be honest. But I was completely blank, didn’t know what to write, couldn’t think of anything good enough to post. Today, I thought I should finally sit down and post something…just push myself to do it, or I would never get over my lazy phase. 😛 And here I am! Tadaaaa!

I’ve been sitting in front of the computer screen for almost an hour. And yet, this is all I was able to come up with. Must be a serious attack of writer’s block, I suppose. By the way, I finished the book I was reading – Flesh & Blood by Jonathan Kellerman. I read the outline on the back cover and I bought it because it seemed to have a lot of psychology in it. And I absolutely love psychology! Later, when I  googled the author, I found out that he is, in fact, a psychologist. Anyway, the book was a great read. It maintains the level of suspense right from the beginning till the end. I was really engrossed in it, never found it boring at any point. But for some reason, I wasn’t exactly satisfied with the way it ended. I don’t know what else I wanted, because there was nothing wrong or bad with its ending. Yet, somehow, I just didn’t feel complete after I finished it.

Anyway, I had a lazy weekend. Went out on a couple of days, loafed around, read a book, watched some movies, blah blah. Nothing new. And yes, I tried to get over the low I seem to be experiencing. I tried books, coffee, music, going out…the usual. I wouldn’t really say it worked, but yeah, I’m feeling a tiny bit better.

I’m planning to watch some of my all-time fav movies…I kinda have a feeling that could do the trick! Let’s see. 🙂 Do hang around, anyway. I’m sure I’ll come up with something better next time, and you wouldn’t want to miss it! 😛

 

Writer’s Block Strikes!!!

I know I have been away for a couple of days. And, honestly, I have no idea why (I know that sounds super-dumb!). I think I’m experiencing a bout of writer’s block. Because, last day, when I tried to write in my diary, I couldn’t do it. Not in a satisfying way, I mean. So, until I snap out of this, do bear with me. 🙂

On Monday, four of my classmates from school and I had gone to my school. It hasn’t changed much in the way it looks. But almost all the teachers we knew have left. Hardly a handful of our old teachers are left in school, right now. And I bet it won’t be long before they leave as well. Anyway, our favourite teacher is still there. We met him, spoke to him for a while, met a couple of other teachers and then walked  around for a while.

All the students we knew had passed out after their schooling and we weren’t familiar with any of the ones still in school. Earlier, school meant meeting all those old faces…teachers who had taught us for years, juniors we had known for so long… But now, school has lost that ‘homey’ feeling. There are hardly a few whom we know. All the students,  right now, are strangers to us. School doesn’t feel the same anymore. It’s weird when you walk into your old school and realize that you don’t know anyone over there, all those whom you knew have left. It feels like you have kinda lost that connection with the place.

Anyway, after the time at school, the 5 of us went out and spent some time together. I wouldn’t really say it was fun but, yes, I did enjoy the time. Moreover, that day, I had been feeling  really low since morning. So, the change and the time with them did me a world of good! 🙂 I came back home, all happy and feeling great! 🙂

I’ve had some (quite) profound realizations and thoughts over the past two days. And I wanted to blog about them. But thanks to my awesome writer’s block, I couldn’t get around to doing it! I promise I’ll do it soon. How soon, I have no idea! 😀

…… !!!????!!!

I don’t know if anyone else out there has experienced this. But I certainly have. I have noticed that life seriously is a lot like a rollercoaster. It has so many ups and downs, sometimes really abrupt ones. And after every up, there’s this downward plunge, too. What I mean to say is, after every happy time, there will be an unhappy time. Almost always. After a month or so of some great ‘up-time’, I think life has taken its journey along the downward curve, for me, that is. I’m going through a down-time right now. 🙂 It’s really weird. I try to explain it to people. But I find that I can’t. I am not sad or unhappy. I’m just not happy. How do you explain an emotional state like that? A kind of no-emotion-state. While something good happens, I might feel some happiness, but that evaporates right when the moment is gone. Nothing seems to be touching me enough to make me truly happy. I wouldn’t say there’s nothing happening. There is, definitely, a lot happening around me. But somehow, none of it seems to be ‘happening’ enough. I’m so bored and feeling so dead. I guess that’s part of life, part of having an amazing up-time. 🙂 Well, I hope this weird phase passes off soon.

Right now, as I sit down to write something, I find myself at a loss of words. I can’t think of anything. And I am not happy with whatever I do manage to write about. See…this is what comes out of my down-time. I have been indulging in a lot of thoughts, as always. And I did want to blog about some of them. But now, I don’t feel inspired enough to write about any of them. Maybe some other day. Hopefully. 🙂

Well, so…it’s yet another weekend. Time seems to be flying, like, literally. All I can remember are weekends, one after the other. All the days in between seem to have blended together to form one big, boring day. Wow! I can be so positive! Anyway, all my friends have gone home, except one sweet soul (thank god for her)! So, it’s going to be a peaceful, lazy weekend with lots of time for myself. That also means lots of time for writing out, listening to lots of music, reading, dreaming, thinking…and doing all the nonsense I want to. 😛 And of course, I hope it helps me get over this weird episode of writer’s block I’m facing. 🙂