New Girl in the City

Any time there’s a major change, whether it’s going into a relationship, getting out of a relationship, moving to a new city, a death – that usually provides a catalyst for an explosion of creativity.
– Lucinda Williams

So, the major change, in my case, might not have led to an ‘explosion of creativity’, but, I’m feeling a lot better than when I wrote the previous post. Well, inspite of my lack of interest, I took up this utterly boring front-desk job at an advertising agency in Dubai. The motivating factors? The thought of moving to a new city, meeting new people, exploring new opportunities, going through new experiences. And that’s how the move to Dubai happened. I work 5 days a week and come home to RAK for the weekend.

Even though my job is boring and least challenging, I like the fact that I have a lot of time on hand. I spend most of my time online, reading blog posts & news articles or replying to some mails. While the youngsters at my office aren’t very welcoming or friendly (in fact, hardly any of them talk to me), the older ones are quite friendly. It’s kind of weird; maybe, they just need time to accept me. Anyway, for now, all I need to keep me going is the prospect of exploring the new city and the experiences it has to offer. The absence of a good friend to talk to or confide in can be overlooked, I suppose. Atleast for now.

After moving in to a comfortable place to stay (with some friendly, sweet people for roommates), my first challenge was finding my way around, to and from work. You will be able to understand the horror of the situation, if you know how terrible my sense of direction is. I had to travel by metro (for the first time) and the first time I reached office by myself, I felt this intense sense of achievement. Like I had done something. Definitely not something difficult or unattainable;but something new, which is what matters to me, after all.

Of course, there’s the foot ache, slight neck pain (from sitting in front of the computer for too long) and the constant feeling of disorientation and being lost. Yet, at the threshold of each new experience, I sense a burst of zeal, because I’ve been yearning for it. Inspite of being a stranger, I love the way the city welcomes me, without being too intimidating. The people I’ve come across have been extremely helpful, even if it meant sacrificing a few minutes of their busy schedule.

Now, I have time for everything. Even with the 8-hour job, the travelling and everything, I have time to write, to read and time for myself. Maybe I had to have these new, strange experiences to get myself back to normal. And, of course, that would inevitably mean: more to blog about! 🙂

Kind of what I look like at work, minus the nail file, of course! 😀

Thoughts, On The Way

Some people can intimidate you. It’s normal. Some books can have the same effect on you (or is it just me?). Again, normal. But, last weekend, while travelling, I realized something strange. Places intimidate me. Like hell. And when I say places, I’m not merely referring to tall buildings, huge structural wonders. I’m talking about the place, as a whole. When I travel to new (or even old) places, I realize how less I know about it. More like how much of it is left for me to know, to see. And that is extremely intimidating. For me, atleast. I know it sounds weird. But then, that’s why I’m telling you about it.

When I go to a new place, the first emotion is always fascination, the awesome feeling that comes with knowing something new. And then, realization sets in. I look around and I see how much there’s left to be seen. Last weekend, I went to a friend’s place. The journey was special, because, after a long time, I got time by myself. Completely by myself. I observed some people, looked out at the passing sights, let my mind wander and thought up a hell lot.

Another weird thought that occurred to me was when I was just leaving the city where I currently reside. For a moment, I felt this pang of emotion. I can’t explain what exactly it was. Something similar to what I’d feel when I go away from home. I felt like I was leaving a place where I (kinda) belong, a place that has begun to feel like home for me. I was surprised at the thought. Because it’s only been a month since I moved to this city. And realizing that it has already begun to fit into the concept of ‘home’ was sort of overwhelming in some ways. Seems like I’ve accepted the city, though I’m not yet sure if the city has accepted me as a part of it. It probably doesn’t make sense to you. Or maybe it does (if you’re weird enough).

 

And I would run away…

Have you ever felt the need to just run away? Run away from the place you’re in right now, the situation… Actually, not run away from anything. Just run away. Take a break, a deep breath, just not let anyone know…go away to some random place. You get the idea (don’t you?)! So, have you ever felt an urge to do it? It’s been on my mind for the past couple of days. No, nothing bad happening. Just that I’m not very happy with some situations and am kinda fed up. The thought of running away to some far-off place with nobody bothering me, nothing to worry about is extremely tempting.

To be honest, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of running away. When I have nothing else to think about, I sit and think up possible plans for survival if (and when) I run away. My family’s never given me a reason to do it yet (luckily!). So, I decided that a reason wasn’t necessary. Today morning, I was seriously considering the idea. And that led me to think why I want to do it, in the first place. Well, you know what? I think it must be the sheer sense of freedom that it gives me. The knowledge that I can just let go of everything and go off somewhere, that I can just disappear one day. Knowing that I can be completely free.

Wondering why it’s necessary to run away to be completely free? Because, right now, I can’t really do what I want. Not always. I might have to keep my mouth shut so that I don’t lose my job, I might have to hold back something so that I don’t hurt some people… Doing what I want isn’t as easy as it sounds. So, loving the idea of running away should come as no surprise! I might not take off today, probably not tomorrow or the day after…but, hopefully, soon (Am I glad my parents aren’t reading this!).