The Lemons Life Gave Me

They say life gives you what you want (it might give you lemons, if that’s what you want). I wonder who said that. Because he seems to have said it right.

A week ago, I was depressed because I was homesick, lonely and yearned to see a familiar face. And now, for the past few days, I have been spending time with or running into some familiar faces. Also, I’ve found an awesome friend in someone who has a very familiar face.

I met up with Merlin on Saturday, after 1 month of silence. It was a very special experience for both of us. I stayed over at her place for the night. We talked until around 2am or so, caught up with each other’s lives. When I woke up in the morning, it almost felt like I was back in hostel. I had never thought I would be meeting Merlin, atleast not in the way it actually happened. I’m glad we did, though. We got to spend some really good time with each other. She is about to embark on a very significant journey in life, a totally new phase. And I’m glad I was there with her before she left.

There are very few people with whom you can trust yourself. I realized it in full force, once I started living by myself. I had to be careful about who I chose to trust, about divulging personal information… After all this, it’s a complete relief to be with someone you can trust, with whom you can be yourself and say all the nonsense you want to. I spent (almost) the whole of Monday with someone who fits this description perfectly! I was truly happy and enjoyed the time we spent. Maybe I was meant  to go through that period of loneliness, or I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the happiness I felt yesterday. I had an absolutely awesome time. We talked a lot, had some food, walked around, fooled around a bit, laughed…basically, made most of the time we had.

Yesterday, on my way back from work, I saw a guy who was my senior in college. Both of us recognized each other even though we hadn’t spoken during the 3 years of college. So, life’s giving me what I want, more or less. I got to meet some well-known faces.  I have a handful of friends who genuinely care about me. During the past one week, I’ve also got closer to someone who is so scarily similar to me. I enjoy and love his presence in my life. I wonder what I should ask for next! 🙂

So, do you think life gives/has given you what you want? 

Strangers Breed Homesickness

Most of my friends were really happy after reading the previous post. Maybe I should write more of those – happy, chirpy posts.

Just now, while chatting with Ann, she asked me why I wasn’t posting anything. I told her I didn’t know what to write and I didn’t want to post nonsense. She, being far cleverer than me, pointed out that our mind is never devoid of thoughts, that all I had to do was pick one, write about it. And then, it struck me – she is right! There are such a lot of thoughts in my head. Now, when I sat down to blog, all the thoughts came rushing into my mind. And I don’t know what to write about.

Ann was telling me about how I used to post everyday, once upon a time…and how she used to love it. Well, I miss those times, too. Those were times when I used to stay back at the college lab until 8pm just so that I could blog in peace. Times when I couldn’t go a single day without blogging (which was kinda bad on you readers, since you had to read all the bullshit I came up with).

I think I’ve gone down a notch in terms of confidence, because you need a hell lot of confidence to write shit and publish it for the whole world to see. And now, when I think of doing that, I hear this voice in my head pulling me back, telling me I should not do anything that could make my readers hate me. You know what? I’m done listening to the stupid voice. Because, more than pleasing readers, I’m here to write, find happiness in it and just be myself. So, I took a decision. I’m not going to try too hard to please anyone, I’m just going to write/blog and be happy. Makes sense, right?  🙂

There are times when I miss college very badly. More than the place, I miss the experience of having familiar faces all around. I knew people, they knew me. There’s a certain sense of comfort when you’re surrounded by people you know, finding some familiar faces everywhere. Like there’s always someone or the other you can go to, you are not alone (unless you want to be). That’s something I miss about college.

Over here, I see so many strangers while walking to and from work. I meet so many strangers at work. Strangers I’m getting closer to. But strangers, nonetheless. And it gets really distressing, sometimes. You don’t know if you can open up, trust or be yourself with someone. After a certain point, you get tired of being careful, and wish you could let your guard down. You long to see a face you know, a face that would beam with recognition on seeing you. I’m going through that phase right now. The initial excitement of being at a new place, meeting new people and all that has subsided (begun to, actually), giving way to the homesickness that I had been ignoring all this while.

I miss people, being around people I know. I miss my family. I miss places, knowing where to go, seeing familiar places & spots. I know it will pass. Until then, I just have to deal with it. 🙂

Have you ever experienced anything of this sort? If yes, how did you get over it? 

Memoirs of a (Creatively Messy) Roommate

I know it’s been a few days since I wrote something. Janet (my younger sister) left on 6th. And I’ve been too emotionally distracted to actually sit down and write anything. I miss her a lot. I’ve noticed that when there’s someone with you for a while and then they leave, it feels so painful. And even though you maybe used to being alone, you still miss the person very badly, and the solitude hurts in ways you can’t explain. Anyway, I don’t think I should go into that right now.

Today, I read a post that gave some ideas on how not to let blogging take up too much of your time (that is, if you don’t seem to have time for anything else). Simple yet different and effective ideas. One was that once in a while, you could post a photo and write a paragraph about it. I loved the idea. And it inspired me to think of another one. We meet so many people in our daily lives…friends, strangers, so many people. And I’m sure there will be something about them (quality, habit, behaviour, anything) that comes to mind when we think of each person. Blog about that; do you like it, elaborate on the specific characteristic, how it affects you (if it does), so on. I’m going to put these ideas to use when I go blank and don’t know what to write about. Of course, there can never be a dearth of interesting people in your life! 😀

Last night, I was copying some numbers from my phone into a diary and Ann was sleepily reading through some book (for school). I came across a friend’s number…and that evoked a hell lot of memories. I spoke to Ann about this friend for a while and she shared a similar experience with me.

The person I’m talking about, she was my hostel roommate, while in college. For 2 years! We are shuffled every year, but sometimes, we might get one or two of our ex-roommates. And that’s how I got Jisha as my roommate twice, during the second and third years. Talking about Jisha, she isn’t exactly my type of person. We aren’t best friends; far from it, in fact. To be honest, during the first year as roommates, I used to get constantly irritated by her. She was (nearly) obsessed with everything being clean and…you know, I hate it when someone forces me to clean my space. Not that I’m untidy. Like I always say, I like my own creative order. And Jisha used to think it’s messy. So, we did have our tiffs initially.

But, eventually, as time passed, all 5 of us (roommates) got closer to each other. We used to have a lot of late-night talks, discussions on everything from movies to current affairs to the usual class gossips. And, with time, I got used to Jisha. There were certain things I disliked in her, but everyone has flaws. And her’s was nothing I couldn’t overlook. Because she has so many other positive qualities that I still admire. Apart from her amazing knowledge of current affairs and stuff, she is a very good person at heart. She is extremely helpful, goes out of her way to help people, compassionate beyond limits, patient, rational, capable of getting things done, quick at learning new stuff, hardworking and a lot more. In short, a very awesome person!

When we became roommates during the third year, both of us were really happy about it. She is one person I miss a lot, whenever I think of the times at hostel. Even though we weren’t close in a personal way, the two years had led us to grow comfortable with each other. We had got so comfortable and used to each other. She knew my habits, my likes and dislikes and I knew hers. She knew when I didn’t want to be disturbed, I knew when she didn’t want my constant barrage of questions. There are a LOT of other things I could tell you about our friendship (like the numerous memories that never fail to make me smile, or even laugh out loud!) . But, basically, what I wanted to put through is how we were never close yet knew each other and were comfortable with each other, almost like close friends.

Before I came to RAK, Jisha had called me. I was surprised, because I hadn’t expected her to call, honestly! Anyway, when she did, I was extremely happy and our conversation had an intimacy that I hadn’t noticed before. When I told Ann about my bond with Jisha, she said she has a similar friend – someone who isn’t personally close but knows her so well and is very comfortable with her. Sometimes, sharing space with someone for a certain period of time is enough to develop a strong bond, almost similar to the one between best friends. You grow so used to the other’s presence, his/her habits, likes, dislikes and quirks…and most importantly, sharing space will also mean you create a lot of memories together…like Jisha and I did. Memories that will live forever!

Have you ever had someone like that in your life?