The Lemons Life Gave Me

They say life gives you what you want (it might give you lemons, if that’s what you want). I wonder who said that. Because he seems to have said it right.

A week ago, I was depressed because I was homesick, lonely and yearned to see a familiar face. And now, for the past few days, I have been spending time with or running into some familiar faces. Also, I’ve found an awesome friend in someone who has a very familiar face.

I met up with Merlin on Saturday, after 1 month of silence. It was a very special experience for both of us. I stayed over at her place for the night. We talked until around 2am or so, caught up with each other’s lives. When I woke up in the morning, it almost felt like I was back in hostel. I had never thought I would be meeting Merlin, atleast not in the way it actually happened. I’m glad we did, though. We got to spend some really good time with each other. She is about to embark on a very significant journey in life, a totally new phase. And I’m glad I was there with her before she left.

There are very few people with whom you can trust yourself. I realized it in full force, once I started living by myself. I had to be careful about who I chose to trust, about divulging personal information… After all this, it’s a complete relief to be with someone you can trust, with whom you can be yourself and say all the nonsense you want to. I spent (almost) the whole of Monday with someone who fits this description perfectly! I was truly happy and enjoyed the time we spent. Maybe I was meant  to go through that period of loneliness, or I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the happiness I felt yesterday. I had an absolutely awesome time. We talked a lot, had some food, walked around, fooled around a bit, laughed…basically, made most of the time we had.

Yesterday, on my way back from work, I saw a guy who was my senior in college. Both of us recognized each other even though we hadn’t spoken during the 3 years of college. So, life’s giving me what I want, more or less. I got to meet some well-known faces.  I have a handful of friends who genuinely care about me. During the past one week, I’ve also got closer to someone who is so scarily similar to me. I enjoy and love his presence in my life. I wonder what I should ask for next! 🙂

So, do you think life gives/has given you what you want? 

Strangers Breed Homesickness

Most of my friends were really happy after reading the previous post. Maybe I should write more of those – happy, chirpy posts.

Just now, while chatting with Ann, she asked me why I wasn’t posting anything. I told her I didn’t know what to write and I didn’t want to post nonsense. She, being far cleverer than me, pointed out that our mind is never devoid of thoughts, that all I had to do was pick one, write about it. And then, it struck me – she is right! There are such a lot of thoughts in my head. Now, when I sat down to blog, all the thoughts came rushing into my mind. And I don’t know what to write about.

Ann was telling me about how I used to post everyday, once upon a time…and how she used to love it. Well, I miss those times, too. Those were times when I used to stay back at the college lab until 8pm just so that I could blog in peace. Times when I couldn’t go a single day without blogging (which was kinda bad on you readers, since you had to read all the bullshit I came up with).

I think I’ve gone down a notch in terms of confidence, because you need a hell lot of confidence to write shit and publish it for the whole world to see. And now, when I think of doing that, I hear this voice in my head pulling me back, telling me I should not do anything that could make my readers hate me. You know what? I’m done listening to the stupid voice. Because, more than pleasing readers, I’m here to write, find happiness in it and just be myself. So, I took a decision. I’m not going to try too hard to please anyone, I’m just going to write/blog and be happy. Makes sense, right?  🙂

There are times when I miss college very badly. More than the place, I miss the experience of having familiar faces all around. I knew people, they knew me. There’s a certain sense of comfort when you’re surrounded by people you know, finding some familiar faces everywhere. Like there’s always someone or the other you can go to, you are not alone (unless you want to be). That’s something I miss about college.

Over here, I see so many strangers while walking to and from work. I meet so many strangers at work. Strangers I’m getting closer to. But strangers, nonetheless. And it gets really distressing, sometimes. You don’t know if you can open up, trust or be yourself with someone. After a certain point, you get tired of being careful, and wish you could let your guard down. You long to see a face you know, a face that would beam with recognition on seeing you. I’m going through that phase right now. The initial excitement of being at a new place, meeting new people and all that has subsided (begun to, actually), giving way to the homesickness that I had been ignoring all this while.

I miss people, being around people I know. I miss my family. I miss places, knowing where to go, seeing familiar places & spots. I know it will pass. Until then, I just have to deal with it. 🙂

Have you ever experienced anything of this sort? If yes, how did you get over it? 

Memoirs of a (Creatively Messy) Roommate

I know it’s been a few days since I wrote something. Janet (my younger sister) left on 6th. And I’ve been too emotionally distracted to actually sit down and write anything. I miss her a lot. I’ve noticed that when there’s someone with you for a while and then they leave, it feels so painful. And even though you maybe used to being alone, you still miss the person very badly, and the solitude hurts in ways you can’t explain. Anyway, I don’t think I should go into that right now.

Today, I read a post that gave some ideas on how not to let blogging take up too much of your time (that is, if you don’t seem to have time for anything else). Simple yet different and effective ideas. One was that once in a while, you could post a photo and write a paragraph about it. I loved the idea. And it inspired me to think of another one. We meet so many people in our daily lives…friends, strangers, so many people. And I’m sure there will be something about them (quality, habit, behaviour, anything) that comes to mind when we think of each person. Blog about that; do you like it, elaborate on the specific characteristic, how it affects you (if it does), so on. I’m going to put these ideas to use when I go blank and don’t know what to write about. Of course, there can never be a dearth of interesting people in your life! 😀

Last night, I was copying some numbers from my phone into a diary and Ann was sleepily reading through some book (for school). I came across a friend’s number…and that evoked a hell lot of memories. I spoke to Ann about this friend for a while and she shared a similar experience with me.

The person I’m talking about, she was my hostel roommate, while in college. For 2 years! We are shuffled every year, but sometimes, we might get one or two of our ex-roommates. And that’s how I got Jisha as my roommate twice, during the second and third years. Talking about Jisha, she isn’t exactly my type of person. We aren’t best friends; far from it, in fact. To be honest, during the first year as roommates, I used to get constantly irritated by her. She was (nearly) obsessed with everything being clean and…you know, I hate it when someone forces me to clean my space. Not that I’m untidy. Like I always say, I like my own creative order. And Jisha used to think it’s messy. So, we did have our tiffs initially.

But, eventually, as time passed, all 5 of us (roommates) got closer to each other. We used to have a lot of late-night talks, discussions on everything from movies to current affairs to the usual class gossips. And, with time, I got used to Jisha. There were certain things I disliked in her, but everyone has flaws. And her’s was nothing I couldn’t overlook. Because she has so many other positive qualities that I still admire. Apart from her amazing knowledge of current affairs and stuff, she is a very good person at heart. She is extremely helpful, goes out of her way to help people, compassionate beyond limits, patient, rational, capable of getting things done, quick at learning new stuff, hardworking and a lot more. In short, a very awesome person!

When we became roommates during the third year, both of us were really happy about it. She is one person I miss a lot, whenever I think of the times at hostel. Even though we weren’t close in a personal way, the two years had led us to grow comfortable with each other. We had got so comfortable and used to each other. She knew my habits, my likes and dislikes and I knew hers. She knew when I didn’t want to be disturbed, I knew when she didn’t want my constant barrage of questions. There are a LOT of other things I could tell you about our friendship (like the numerous memories that never fail to make me smile, or even laugh out loud!) . But, basically, what I wanted to put through is how we were never close yet knew each other and were comfortable with each other, almost like close friends.

Before I came to RAK, Jisha had called me. I was surprised, because I hadn’t expected her to call, honestly! Anyway, when she did, I was extremely happy and our conversation had an intimacy that I hadn’t noticed before. When I told Ann about my bond with Jisha, she said she has a similar friend – someone who isn’t personally close but knows her so well and is very comfortable with her. Sometimes, sharing space with someone for a certain period of time is enough to develop a strong bond, almost similar to the one between best friends. You grow so used to the other’s presence, his/her habits, likes, dislikes and quirks…and most importantly, sharing space will also mean you create a lot of memories together…like Jisha and I did. Memories that will live forever!

Have you ever had someone like that in your life? 

 

Meet-ups & Memories :)

Guess what? I met up with Saba on Wednesday! We were seeing each other after a year and a half (almost half, that is). And it was super-awesome! 🙂 I loved it. We met at her place. And even though we didn’t do anything much except talk and eat, I loved the few hours I spent with her. In fact, I couldn’t believe it when it was time for me to leave. And we hadn’t even begun to talk, like you know, talk talk. We had been catching up on each other’s lives, talking about ex-classmates and my future plans…we had just begun! 😦

It’s always been like that. Every time I’m with Saba, time seems to pass ever so fast…and before we know it, hours would have gone by like minutes! Anyway, she lives nearby now. So, I guess that means lots more meet-ups! 🙂

It’s always such a delight to meet someone so dear to you, after so long. And even though so much time has passed by, you still feel the same…and you kinda know, deep within, that things will always be the same. 🙂 Even though you grow older or whatever, some bonds don’t change.

Today, I spent a lot of time talking to my youngest sister – Ann. I was telling her about my school time memories and fun. About this sir who was so not like a teacher, how he changed so suddenly and then we tried to get back at him by trying to break his chair (didn’t work out, anyway!). About the super-mad boys in my class (12 Std.) who used to say such crazy stuff that I could never go through a single hour without laughing out (atleast once). School was so much fun…even though we didn’t really realize it then. Miss those times! I suppose I’ll be saying the same about college, quite soon (or maybe, I’ve already started)! 🙂

 

Friends Who Care – a Rare Species :)

While it feels great being back at home, my writing has taken a backseat since I got here. It’s been ages since I wrote my diary; actually, it’s been long since I wrote anything at all… I know I should get to it, but I get caught up with other activities and hardly find the peace I need to sit and write.

On the day before I had to leave, I was text-messaging some friends from college. And…well, I got to learn a lot of things that I never knew about them. I realized that I have gained some friends in life who might not be very close to me, who might not be my BFFs but who still love me and consider me a good friend of theirs. I was touched! One among them is Martin. We have always been good friends, even though not on the personal level. I enjoy being with him and will always cherish our silly fights. He was one of the first persons to read my blog and follow it! Whenever he felt I was kinda low, he used to come ask me what the matter was. He is one friend I will miss, now that college is over! 😦

I also happened to have some intriguing experiences with certain individuals on that day… I don’t think I can explain all that, though. Anyway, next morning, I had to leave from home by around 5am. Sometime around then, while in the car, I was surprised to find messages pouring in from some friends, asking me whether I had left from home, when the flight was, so on. I mean, they had actually woken up early (for some reason or the other) and cared to ask me where I was. I can’t say the same for some of my friends who were supposedly part of ‘my gang’. Anyway, this incident kinda opened my eyes to who among my friends actually cared about me and who didn’t. Not that I needed a confirmation about who didn’t. But the other category – those who did care – included a couple (or more) of unexpected people. That, again, was touching. 

So, moral of the story? Look around you. You might be too into a certain friend circle/gang or a particular friend, and might be overlooking someone who truly cares about you. Don’t lose a true friend, especially not for someone who doesn’t care half much as that person does! Sometimes, it takes time for us to realize how much we mean to someone…but don’t let it be too late! 🙂

Thrilled, Touched & Horrified OR What I Did Last Night :D

Yesternight, I realized something else I hate in people. I HATE it when people watch a movie and then come publicize (read: go around shouting) the twist/suspense in the movie, just so that they can spoil the experience for others who haven’t watched the movie yet or are planning to watch it soon. I hate it so much that I can’t even begin to tell you how much! And yesterday, it happened to me. Till now, I have had to go through this twice, but both the times, it wasn’t about a movie I was keen on watching. So, it didn’t matter if I knew the suspense beforehand. But last night,  a roommate of mine got this movie I had been longing to watch ( ‘Kahaani‘ – a Hindi movie starring Vidya Balan). She watched it and when she came to the room, she started saying something about the movie and I stopped her, I told her I wanted to watch it. Right away, she came and blurted out the suspense part to me! I got so irritated. Anyway, I kept quiet because I didn’t want us to have an issue just before leaving.

Anyhow, what I mean to emphasize here is the fact that I totally hate people who do this. I don’t know what they get from it but it’s one of the worst things they could do to someone who loves movies and the experience that each one offers. Like me. Well, it didn’t stop me from watching the movie anyway. I watched it, last night, with Merlin. And, inspite of knowing the twist, I LOVED it! So much that it failed to leave my mind… 🙂 Vidya Balan has done an amazing job… I guess she is the only person who could have done it; somehow, the other Bollywood actresses don’t really have the ‘guts’ (yes, you need guts to pull off a role like that) and the talent…atleast according to me. Well, Kahaani is a movie I’d highly recommend to everyone out there. Do try to watch it when you can! 🙂

After watching Kahaani, Merlin and I weren’t sleepy. So, we went on to watch this Malayalam movie that both of us LOVE. We had already seen it once (in fact, I had seen it twice) but wanted to watch it once more. So, that’s what we did. The movie I’m talking about  – Traffic (2011) – is one of the best Malayalam movies I’ve got to watch in the recent years. It moved me in ways I cannot explain; it touched me like no other Malayalam movie ever has. It is one movie that will always make it to my top 10 list; one movie that I could watch over and over again, and still be moved as much as I was when I saw it first. The background score is AMAZING (actually everything about he movie is!)…brilliantly woven into the plot and evokes a lot of emotions in me. It showcases excellence in almost every facet, be it acting, script, dialogues, music. Apart from all this, Traffic is thought-provoking, and always leaves me thinking of how we make mountains out of molehills when all we need to do is take it easy and live life. 🙂

After Traffic, Merlin and I watched Amusement, an American 2008 horror film. OK, I know we seem to be mixing up every genre. But we happened to be extremely ‘unsleepy’. 🙂 Though, unlike the awesome reviews for the previous 2 movies, I don’t have anything good to say about Amusement. I didn’t like it at all. Amusement sucked! I don’t know why they even made the movie, it made no sense to me. Like most horror movies I have come across, to be frank. That gives me an idea for another post. Meaning: more coming up on horror movies…SOON! 🙂

So…last night, we stayed up until almost 4:30am, watching 3 movies of 3 different languages & genres, back-to-back. One experience I might not get again! 🙂

Waiting To Get Home…

I have slept a lot during the past few days. Don’t know why. Even if I sleep for a while during the afternoons, I still feel so damn sleepy by the end of the day. I try to stay up and maybe, spend time talking or watching a movie, but it’s unusually hard for me. Maybe this is how the down-time takes its toll on me. 🙂

So, post-weekend, my situation hasn’t changed much. Maybe just a tiny little bit. I’m actually making an effort to not let myself be so bothered by problems that are out of my control. And I think I’ve kinda come up with some possible solutions. Just hope it works out. I’m just days away from leaving college. Tomorrow will be my last exam. And within two days, I’ll be vacating from hostel and going back home. I won’t be part of this hostel or college anymore, won’t have to come here often (or at all, in fact)… All those people whom I have seen and spoken to and been with for the past 3 years will be scattered in different places, they are going to be akin to strangers. I can’t even be sure if we will recognize each other if we happen to cross paths some 10 years from now.

Such a scary thought. Yet it’s inevitable. It evokes a lot of insecurity but there’s nothing I can do to pause it or avoid it. So, I’m trying to face it as it comes. Right now, I push away the saddening thoughts and think of the awesome time I’m going to have once I get back to RAK, to my family. That is one thought that helps me remain sane right now. 🙂 I was just googling through some photos of the city I call home. And I’m hit by this wave of nostalgia…of the times I’ve spent there, the random buildings I remember seeing while going from one place to another, the landmarks… For a moment, it felt almost like I was back there, actually seeing it all. Well, I may not be there there, right now. But within two weeks’ time, I’m going to be right there!!! 🙂 Now, for those of you who don’t know much about Ras-Al-Khaimah, here are a couple of  links you might like!

Ras Al Khaima in the past… (Note: See the RAK hospital? My home’s quite near to it. Seeing it made me feel kinda close to home!)

The Official Site of RAK