Difficulties & Delights

I wanted to do a Christmas post. But then, my sister came over for a few days and I was too busy having fun with her. So…maybe, next year!

One of the ‘hazards’ associated with my course is regular (read: daily & multiple) assignments. Most of them involve writing. Recently, after submitting one such assignment, I got the comment that my article/report lacks the ‘joy of writing’. I was truly surprised. For one thing, whatever I might lack in my writing, I’ve always known it would never be devoid of the joy or pleasure. Secondly, I was startled because I realized that what the ma’am had said was true. That particular article did not have any sign of involvement. The reason was pretty simple – there was not much or no involvement at all.

I don’t know how it is with other writers. But I definitely find it difficult to write properly when I’m given strict parameters to follow. I lose the spark, the urge to come up with something creative if I feel restricted. Which is probably why my assignments lack the ‘connection’ that is so evident over here. It’s all the more frustrating if the topic is boring (happens always!).

I understand this is part of what I have to endure. But I have to admit, it’s annoying. Not to mention, draining. Forcing myself to write (about the least engaging stuff) when I don’t have the least bit of interest to do so…that’s no small feat!

On a different note, there is something positive that my course has made me realize. I seem to have developed an inclination and liking for designing subjects. As part of my course, I have been learning certain page-making and editing softwares. Even though I was sort of apprehensive, initially, I’ve come to love working on them. I never thought I’d be saying this.Β I’m amazed at myself, to be honest. It’s sort of challenging because there are so many intricate details to be considered, so many little things that matter. I enjoy the experience of putting myself into the work and trying to figure out the specifics. It’s actually fun. πŸ™‚ It’s amusing that I’ve discovered such enthusiasm for this aspect while I find the writing assignments quite daunting. No wonder they say life is full of surprises!

I have Christmas & New Year holidays till next Monday. I’m planning to make use of it to spruce up this space. It is yet to be seen whether those plans will materialize or not. I’m hopeful, though. As always. *wink*

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Don’t you Miss my Blah Blah? (Please Say Yes!)

Please ignore the stupidity of the title. I can be really crazy, sometimes. And, dumb, at other times.Β 

I had a wonderful weekend at home, lazing around, watching movies, eating and talking to Ann. I did everything that I can’t do when I’m staying in a new place – sing out loud, play loud music, talk whatever I want for as long as I want, enjoy the familiarity that home always offers. It was almost painful to come back and get to work.

But, well, here I am, sitting in front of a system that gets super-slow every once in a while, bored of doing whatever I’m doing.

The downside of being here is that I’m alone. In a lot of ways, I appreciate the solitude, especially since it helps me learn to live by myself and take care of myself. But, when it comes to going out, having a meaningful conversation or wanting to see a familiar, comforting face, loneliness sucks! Like I wrote in a

I should use that line, sometime!

I should use that line, sometime!

mail to a friend, I have even lost my appetite because I HATE eating alone (does not mean I enjoy eating with strangers). Every day, I keep hoping time will do the trick, that things will change. Because I’m sure it will. Maybe today. Or tomorrow.

Anyway, another problem with new people is: you tend to hide (or atleast, try not to let them notice) the weird habits/behaviour or quirks you have. On my second day here, when I found out that one of my colleagues lives in the same building as me, I thought I’d have company to commute to work. I almost asked him something of that sort, then quickly dropped it. Why? Because he would come to know some of my quirks. [Awkward confession time…Man, this is difficult!]Β I’m strangely apprehensive about going down a staircase and look kinda weird while doing so. And thanks to my awesome lack of balance, escalators and electronic walkways are…umm…a tiny bit scary. Just a bit.

So, the thought of a new person noticing this was more than what I was comfortable with. Anyhow, today morning, both of us happened to be waiting for the metro, at the same time. Which, inevitably, means we came to work together. Thankfully, though, this guy happens to be a little too much into himself to notice my innocent quirks. Or maybe he didn’t find me interesting enough to notice (since I hide my awesomeness when I go to work; why invite all that jealousy to oneself?). Well, so, I guess everything’s fine; my secret is safe. πŸ™‚

What makes blogging so much of a relief right now is the fact that I haven’t found a friend toΒ dump my thoughts onΒ have a proper, open conversation with. Until I do (and until I start talking some sense), I’m sure you wouldn’t mind listening.

Bottom line: quirks or no quirks, friend or no friend, life’s good. πŸ™‚

Β 

New Girl in the City

Any time there’s a major change, whether it’s going into a relationship, getting out of a relationship, moving to a new city, a death – that usually provides a catalyst for an explosion of creativity.
– Lucinda Williams

So, the major change, in my case, might not have led to an ‘explosion of creativity’, but, I’m feeling a lot better than when I wrote the previous post. Well, inspite of my lack of interest, I took up this utterly boring front-desk job at an advertising agency in Dubai. The motivating factors? The thought of moving to a new city, meeting new people, exploring new opportunities, going through new experiences. And that’s how the move to Dubai happened. I work 5 days a week and come home to RAK for the weekend.

Even though my job is boring and least challenging, I like the fact that I have a lot of time on hand. I spend most of my time online, reading blog posts & news articles or replying to some mails. While the youngsters at my office aren’t very welcoming or friendly (in fact, hardly any of them talk to me), the older ones are quite friendly. It’s kind of weird; maybe, they just need time to accept me. Anyway, for now, all I need to keep me going is the prospect of exploring the new city and the experiences it has to offer. The absence of a good friend to talk to or confide in can be overlooked, I suppose. Atleast for now.

After moving in to a comfortable place to stay (with some friendly, sweet people for roommates), my first challenge was finding my way around, to and from work. You will be able to understand the horror of the situation, if you know how terrible my sense of direction is. I had to travel by metro (for the first time) and the first time I reached office by myself, I felt this intense sense of achievement. Like I had done something. Definitely not something difficult or unattainable;but something new, which is what matters to me, after all.

Of course, there’s the foot ache, slight neck pain (from sitting in front of the computer for too long) and the constant feeling of disorientation and being lost. Yet, at the threshold of each new experience, I sense a burst of zeal, because I’ve been yearning for it.Β Inspite of being a stranger, I love the way the city welcomes me, without being too intimidating. The people I’ve come across have been extremely helpful, even if it meant sacrificing a few minutes of their busy schedule.

Now, I have time for everything. Even with the 8-hour job, the travelling and everything, I have time to write, to read and time for myself.Β Maybe I had to have these new, strange experiences to get myself back to normal. And, of course, that would inevitably mean: more to blog about! πŸ™‚

Kind of what I look like at work, minus the nail file, of course! πŸ˜€

Day One…

So, so, so… I never thought I’d actually be saying this so soon. But I’m working/employed. πŸ™‚ Today was my first day at work. I moved to my new ‘home’ last night. It was fun! I had to come here all by myself, finding the way somehow. Apart from me, there are 5 other girls staying here, all of them elder to me but just by a couple of years or so. And I found someone who matches my wavelength to a great extent. Her name’s Nancy. All the girls are friendly but it’s going to take some time for me to feel ‘at home’ over here.

Anyway, today was my first day at my first work. The workplace is within walking distance from my PG (Paying Guest) home. Nancy works in the same area; so, I had company to walk to work. It wasn’t as pleasant as I wanted it to be. Because it started raining and I got kinda wet. Anyway, that definitely didn’t dampen my spirits. πŸ™‚ I reached the office well ahead of time. After the initial intro-talk, I was assigned to a senior. She turned out to be a super-sweet person and made me feel so much at ease. I was introduced to everyone in the office; a couple of them spoke to me.

I liked my first day, even though it was kinda tiring and a tiny bit boring. Everyone around me ran around, busy with stuff to do, while I sat there with absolutely no idea of what to do! πŸ™‚ And even they didn’t know what work to give me ,since I didn’t know anything in depth. For today, I just got some basic, boring work to do…just stuff to help me get an idea of what lies ahead. πŸ™‚ In short, I liked it. Let’s see what Day 2 holds in store!

It gets a little intimidating, at times, since I’m the youngest over here. I’m trying my best to grasp what I’m supposed to do. I guess it will take some time. Right now, I feel like I’m in some other world. So away from family…basically, away from anyone I know, leading a completely different life from the one I’ve had till now. And trying to be happy with it! πŸ™‚

A Dose of Random Nonsense

This year is going to be phenomenal. Everyone’s been asking me what I’ll be doing next (after college) and I keep giving the same vague reply of job, work, blah blah. To be honest, I don’t know how things will turn out to be. Even though I’m looking forward to this new phase, it does get a little scary, at times. When I think of where I will be, some 5 months from now, all I come up with is a hazy picture with no clear idea! Mom keeps bugging me with questions of what I’m planning to do, she doesn’t seem to be placated by my vague response about work and stuff. Typical of moms, I guess. I’m so glad Dad is giving me the space and freedom I need right now. He is fine with whatever decision I take, as long as I’m sure about it. And I love him for that. I adore him for giving me the liberty to choose what I want to do, for acknowledging that I’m capable enough to decide what I want in life. πŸ™‚ Sometimes, that is all you need…your dear ones to trust you with your decisions and life. Though, I don’t know how Dad will react to the decision of colouring my hair in some crazy shades. πŸ™‚

Last day, I was talking to Merlin about all the many things we don’t know about – the universe, its workings, natural phenomena, origins, history, … (well, you get the idea!). I have been studying for the past 17 years and I still have such a GREAT lot to learn. There’s so much I don’t know. Doesn’t it kinda amaze you and leave you in awe? I feel that way every time I think about what I don’t know. When I consider the unknown, what I know pales in comparison! I was always into knowing more; learning, rather than studying. And over these years, I’ve noticed that even though I may have forgotten all that I studied at school and college, I still remember all the odd facts that I’ve accumulated in my head. In fact, I’m still picking up such odd bits of information, every now and then. πŸ™‚ Kinda makes you wonder why you bothered studying at all!!

It’s been a boring, lazy day. I did nothing except read some blogs, talk a little…and then write this post (which I think is absolute nonsense, because it doesn’t make sense to me!). This is what happens when I’m going through a dull day, feeling dead and bored! πŸ™‚ Hope you are having a better time out there!

WATSUPPP?????

There’s this one question that people ask each other most often. Yet it also happens to be the most overlooked question ever. In significance, that is – “How are you?” (currently replaced by the cooler What’s up/Watsup/Wazzup/Sup/some other weird variant). I might have to answer this question a hundred times in a single day…probably, more than that. But for some reason, everyone, including me, have this reply that we are trained to give: “I’m fine” or some variant of it. We, almost never, take the effort to answer honestly. I don’t understand why. I guess I should be asking myself first. My reply: I think it must be because I’m, in a way, taught to give that certain reply than bothering to honestly tell the person how I am. Or maybe it’s just too difficult and complicated to explain how I am to a person, especially if the person is someone who isn’t very close (read: someone who isn’t interested in knowing how I am) and if I’m supposed to give a short answer. Still, have you thought about what exactly you are questioning when you ask a person how they are? It has so much significance…yet we never bother to give a thought to the depth of the question we are asking. It has become a very casual question, now, and even when we ask it, we don’t really expect any in-depth response, probably just a casual response, matching the tone of the question. So, why don’t we take a genuine effort to know how the other person is? Why not ask the question and mean it, want to know it? I read something about this in a book, and since then, it has always struck me as weird. We ask something so profound but never bother to listen to the answer. How many of us would want to sit and listen to exactly how a person is doing? Very less, I’m sure. Maybe, with the rat race we all are caught up in, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Hell, do we even take the time to ask ourselves how we are?

I’ve started trying to ask others how they are and listen to them; I’m beginning to take an effort to mean it when I ask how they are, toΒ actually listen to what they have to say. Spread the message, all of you. And by the way, how are you? πŸ™‚

If you ask me how I am, well, it’s been a boring day. I woke up feeling kinda weird, moody and dull. So, my day started off bad. I did cheer up later, but the underlying dullness is still there. So, not one of my best days, I suppose. Perfect day for some crazy chocolate-indulgence! πŸ˜€ What do you do/have to fix up your bad day?

 

…… !!!????!!!

I don’t know if anyone else out there has experienced this. But I certainly have. I have noticed that life seriously is a lot like a rollercoaster. It has so many ups and downs, sometimes really abrupt ones. And after every up, there’s this downward plunge, too. What I mean to say is, after every happy time, there will be an unhappy time. Almost always. After a month or so of some great ‘up-time’, I think life has taken its journey along the downward curve, for me, that is. I’m going through a down-time right now. πŸ™‚ It’s really weird. I try to explain it to people. But I find that I can’t. I am not sad or unhappy. I’m just not happy. How do you explain an emotional state like that? A kind of no-emotion-state. While something good happens, I might feel some happiness, but that evaporates right when the moment is gone. Nothing seems to be touching me enough to make me truly happy. I wouldn’t say there’s nothing happening. There is, definitely, a lot happening around me. But somehow, none of it seems to be ‘happening’ enough. I’m so bored and feeling so dead. I guess that’s part of life, part of having an amazing up-time. πŸ™‚ Well, I hope this weird phase passes off soon.

Right now, as I sit down to write something, I find myself at a loss of words. I can’t think of anything. And I am not happy with whatever I do manage to write about. See…this is what comes out of my down-time. I have been indulging in a lot of thoughts, as always. And I did want to blog about some of them. But now, I don’t feel inspired enough to write about any of them. Maybe some other day. Hopefully. πŸ™‚

Well, so…it’s yet another weekend. Time seems to be flying, like, literally. All I can remember are weekends, one after the other. All the days in between seem to have blended together to form one big, boring day. Wow! I can be so positive! Anyway, all my friends have gone home, except one sweet soul (thank god for her)! So, it’s going to be a peaceful, lazy weekend with lots of time for myself. That also means lots of time for writing out, listening to lots of music, reading, dreaming, thinking…and doing all the nonsense I want to. πŸ˜› And of course, I hope it helps me get over this weird episode of writer’s block I’m facing. πŸ™‚