The Reader Appreciation Award – Just Made My Day!

[The following was written last night, actually yesterday early morning. In the end, I was so unhappy with it that I couldn’t bring myself to publish it. But these are thoughts I want to put across…so, here goes!]Β 

So, I’ve been staring at this empty space for quite a while, now. And I thought I should be writing something… It’s 1:00am. I’m not sleepy. But my little sister (who loves staying up with me) is already dozing off near me. I tried keeping her busy by giving her some Β funny stuff to watch but that doesn’t seem to be working.

I guess I should just blog and be done with this, so that Ann and I can go sleep. πŸ™‚ When I wrote the post about how I was feeling down, I mentioned a blog that had inspired me to write it out – hastywords. I was catching up on her posts, today. And I found another post that I could relate to so amazingly – My Heart The Traitor. Basically, it’s about how she discovered the source to her negativity and the way to destroy it. Beautiful post. And there were so many parts in it which touched me beyond words!

I loved her thought about positivity being all around us, how looking up at the stars and the miracles all around us can give us a sense of it. ‘From darkness…there is light.’ So so so true! It’s something I believe in but when it turns dark, I forget to remember that I’ll find light at the other end.

Anyway, I think I’m getting there…finally seeing light. Trying to break through the layer of darkness and see beyond, into the enlivening light.Β And go sailing in a small boat on the vast ocean…

Photography by Martin Vincent

I think I should get to sleep…or I’ll sleep-blog! πŸ˜› By the way, it’s just past 2am and Ann’s already gone off to bed.Β [ Luckily, I stopped right here, or you would have had to read some of the nonsense I write when I’m on the verge of sleeping off!]Β 

A new day. And guess what? When I logged in to my WP account, I was in for a wonderful surprise. It just made my day! πŸ™‚ Matt (aka theotherwatson) at Wanton CreationΒ nominated me for the Reader Appreciation Award!!!! πŸ™‚ I can’t tell you how happy I was. Even though I know you love me so much, these awards are like an awesome extra-bit of appreciation! And it always feels great! But the best part, for me, is that these awards seem to come right when I need them. As in, when I’m going through a low-time or having writer’s block, I get nominated for an award and it completely changes my mood! πŸ™‚ Thank you so so so much, Matt. You have no idea how happy I’m! πŸ™‚

Like with every other award, this one comes with some rules. Apart from Β linking back to the person who nominated me (check), including the image (check) and nominating 6 other bloggers, I’m supposed to say something about what I’ve been upto.

Well, I had been experiencing a down-time. But now, I’m almost out of it. I’ve been watching some movies, listening to a lot of music, reading some really lovely blogs, talking to and spending time with Ann and basically, just making most of my time here at the heaven I call ‘home’! Yesterday, Ann and I did some crazy stuff together. And yeah, I made her stay up while I was writing a post that I didn’t even publish! πŸ˜€ So, that’s what I’ve been upto!

Now, to pass on the award… Well, there are so many bloggers I like. And I’m going to choose 6 bloggers whom I haven’t nominated before. So, here goes:

emotional saladΒ – Love her thoughts! πŸ™‚

Live, Learn, MatureΒ – My awesome blog-friend πŸ™‚

kkeillyΒ – I stumbled upon her blog one day. And it was love at first sight!

hastywords – She’s sort of an emotionalΒ soul-mate, as you might have understood by now!

Personal ConcernsΒ – Because I love the thought-provoking stuff he writes!

PIECESΒ – Love his poems! πŸ™‚

Check out their blogs, I’m sure you’ll find them super-awesome!

Love y’all! πŸ™‚

Waiting To Get Home…

I have slept a lot during the past few days. Don’t know why. Even if I sleep for a while during the afternoons, I still feel so damn sleepy by the end of the day. I try to stay up and maybe, spend time talking or watching a movie, but it’s unusually hard for me. Maybe this is how the down-time takes its toll on me. πŸ™‚

So, post-weekend, my situation hasn’t changed much. Maybe just a tiny little bit. I’m actually making an effort to not let myself be so bothered by problems that are out of my control. And I think I’ve kinda come up with some possible solutions. Just hope it works out. I’m just days away from leaving college. Tomorrow will be my last exam. And within two days, I’ll be vacating from hostel and going back home. I won’t be part of this hostel or college anymore, won’t have to come here often (or at all, in fact)… All those people whom I have seen and spoken to and been with for the past 3 years will be scattered in different places, they are going to be akin to strangers. I can’t even be sure if we will recognize each other if we happen to cross paths some 10 years from now.

Such a scary thought. Yet it’s inevitable. It evokes a lot of insecurity but there’s nothing I can do to pause it or avoid it. So, I’m trying to face it as it comes. Right now, I push away the saddening thoughts and think of the awesome time I’m going to have once I get back to RAK, to my family. That is one thought that helps me remain sane right now. πŸ™‚ I was just googling through some photos of the city I call home. And I’m hit by this wave of nostalgia…of the times I’ve spent there, the random buildings I remember seeing while going from one place to another, the landmarks… For a moment, it felt almost like I was back there, actually seeing it all. Well, I may not be there there, right now. But within two weeks’ time, I’m going to be right there!!! πŸ™‚ Now, for those of you who don’t know much about Ras-Al-Khaimah, here are a couple ofΒ  links you might like!

Ras Al Khaima in the past… (Note: See the RAK hospital? My home’s quite near to it. Seeing it made me feel kinda close to home!)

The Official Site of RAK

Where I Disappeared To… ;)

It has been a whirlwind week. Literally. I just got back to college after a week full of fun, activities and travelling. During the past 7 days, I went through parts of 4 different districts of the state, met a handful of amazing people and had some awesome time! And thought a great lot of stuff. Along with the crazy fun, there were so many instances when I was struck by profound thoughts. Every time I got a thought like that, I jotted it down so that I would remember it all to be posted here later, when I get back. πŸ™‚

 

Well…to start from the beginning. On 22nd, all of my classmates from the hostel went out on a day out. It was more like trekking and I get easily tired by that. But we had a great time. We took a hell lot of photos (which isn’t really my thing, to be honest), chattered a lot, laughed so much and, basically, had a lot of fun! I’ll try putting up some pics in another post, coming up soon. Anyway, I loved the time we had. We checked out the stuff in the shops. I found this shop selling second-hand books and there were a handful of books that I have been longing to read. I bought ‘The Romanov Prophecy’ by Steve Berry. That was enough to make the rest of my day super-awesome! πŸ™‚ I should mention that the lunch wasn’t satisfying enough but the fun parts outshine the disappointment. So, never mind!

 

Thekkady Boating Ticket Counter and Tourist In...

One spot we went to, if my memory is right!

 

The day passed so fast, hours passing by in a blur of laughter, photos and the happiness of being with your friends. πŸ™‚ We got to meet this cute guy who came to talk to us and even clicked some photos for us! I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again, but I really liked him. He was…ummm…fun in a mischievous way! πŸ˜‰ We did meet a couple of other guys, too. Anyway, all of us were exhausted but super-happy by the time we got back to hostel. Next day, all of us went home. It kinda felt like we were leaving forever, but I was glad to know I’d be coming back! πŸ™‚ I never thought I would actually feel that!!

At home, I spent time with Janet (that’s my sister). We spoke a lot, caught up with each other’s lives, laughed a lot, talked about childhood memories and fought a tiny little bit. πŸ™‚ As usual. We also went out, one evening. Just to the town, roamed around a bit, chattering all the while. πŸ™‚ There were some issues she was caught up in. So, that kinda dampened our moods, in between. I had a fight with dad and some other issues, too. Both of us were really depressed when we left home but since I was going to my friend’s place, I pushed everything out of my head. I could deal with it later, anyway…

At my friend’s place (Betsy is her name), we just spent some time, lazing around, watching some movies, sleeping, talking and loafing around. On 28th, I went to meet Kiran at her hometown. πŸ™‚ It felt so good to see her after so long (more than a year). I was introduced to her friends from college. I found them to be a pack of really sweet, friendly, crazy and super-awesome girls who were absolute fun to be with. There were 6 of them. Yes, I did feel kinda weird, initially, since I was meeting them for the first time. But I slowly got over it. That night, we wanted to do something fun or mischievous. But most of them were sleepy and wanted some proper sleep. So, there were just 3 of us (plus me and Betsy) – Pranavi, Meghna and Disha – sitting on the bed, talking. We shared some ghost stories (with the lights off)! It was fun because all three were kinda scared yet wanted to listen to all the horror stuff. Pranavi was so scared and used to scream at the slightest of noises and stuff. She got super-scared and yelled when Meghna touched her by mistake! We spent the whole night talking! We were babbling till almost 4:45am!

After the horror story session, we spoke about random stuff like science, religion, God, so on. Then, we had a game of Truth (& Dare, but since we were not in a situation to do Dares, we stuck to playing just Truth!). It was SUPER-AWESOME! I loved it! We asked each other a lot of wayward questions, some insane, some perverted, some just stupid! We laughed so much at the bullshit we were saying, shared so many experiences and made most of those few hours we had with us! I know I might not be personally close to any of them, but I had enough fun that night to form a sort of bond with them. πŸ™‚ Next day, we had to get up at 7 or so. We got ready and went for the wedding.

It was the first time I was attending a Hindu marriage. I was fascinated by their rituals and customs. Since the minute it began, I was paying close attention to what was happening and was so lost in it that I didn’t see anyone/anything else. I really loved it! Apart from the fact that it was short, sweet and simple, there was a lot of meaning in their rituals. And I should admit, I would love to have a Hindu marriage! πŸ™‚ Seriously! After the marriage, we had lunch, spoke to Kiran for a while and then, had to leave. Betsy and I bid our farewells and went on our way home, after two great days with some really wonderful people! πŸ™‚ I got back to hostel the next day (ie, yesterday). So, that’s what I’ve been upto during the past one week. It has been hectic, I admit. But I would do it all over again, any day! Without a doubt, or a moment’s hesitation! πŸ™‚ I loved the experience…and all that came with it – the people, the good times, thoughts, everything. Yes, I know I haven’t mentioned the thoughts…more of that coming up. And I’ll try getting some pics for the upcoming posts! πŸ™‚

One for now... πŸ™‚ that's us, hostelers from my class, at Thekkady

Made My Day! :)

A friend of mine came upto me, while I was sitting, bored in class. He made my day! He told me that he read my blog and appreciated me a lot over the work I had done over here. He isn’t the kind I expected to actually sit and read my crazy posts but, well…he did! And guess what? He liked it so much that he read a bunch of my older posts!He actually read them!And he loved them! πŸ™‚ I was, literally, beaming with happiness when he told me he liked it. He said it was far better than what he had expected (I can imagine what he must have expected!!!). And (there’s more!), I was super-surprised when he told me that he was so inspired by my blog and writing style that he felt like he wanted to start blogging, too. Because, like he said, there are a lot of thoughts running through our mind, which we can’t really express through words or in a few conversations. Moreover, it’s not necessary that others should listen to you (which is the problem for me; people can’t stand my overactive thoughts :D). Blogging is one medium where you can just keep talking out all that’s going through your mind. I’m so glad I was able to inspire him! πŸ™‚ So, Jefry (that’s him), THANK YOU SO SO SO SO MUCH! You made my day! Love you, buddy! πŸ™‚

Well, my mood did get spoiled sometime after that. I guess it still is…sort of, atleast. I hope some sound sleep and good food will do the trick. And maybe a fun movie. πŸ˜€ And coffee. And chocolates. And… See? This is what I meant when I said you could go on saying bullshit in your blog! πŸ™‚ So, what’s cooking (literally and otherwise) for weekend at your place?

Have I Dreamt of You before?

Today, early morning (sometime around 3am or so, I believe) I saw this very intriguing dream. The first half seemed new to me, as in, I knew (quite certainly) that I was seeing it for the first time. There was someone with me, I can’t recollect who it was, though. She (I’m sure it was a ‘she’) was saying something about patterns we can make on the sand (the location was a beach, at night) and then, moved onto say something about her artwork. Next thing I see is something weirdly familiar. And then, it struck me that I had seen this dream before. I saw this child (I think it was me, though I don’t remember for sure) holding a kind of painting and without anything being explained, I knew that it was a painting her father had given her before dying. I could remember ‘scenes’ from the first version of the dream and that’s how I understood this detail of the dream. I woke up just then, because the thought was so surprising that it pulled me out of sleep.

I could not remember seeing this dream before but I was absolutely certain that I had. I found that very weird. I keep seeing such dreams – completely like a story or a movie, with a proper plot, ending and everything – and another weird thing is, I see the same dream or the same story very often, like every now and then. I have this habit of writing down my most vivid dreams in as much detail as I can. And I have written accounts of a few dreams like this…a story completely made up by my overactive, sleepless mind. Today, when I woke up in the middle of the night (early morning, to be precise), I lay awake for a while, wondering what my mind was trying to convey with dreams like the one I had just seen. Maybe it’s giving me ideas for a story (I keep complaining I don’t have ideas for a proper story), maybe it’s just a random work of imagination. I really have no idea but I sure want to find out.

Coming back to today’s experience, after some thinking, I went back to sleep. Right at the moment I closed my eyes, half-asleep already, I saw this image of a guy and I somehow instinctively knew he was a ‘bad guy’. I pushed away the image and tried to sleep. And again, I saw another image, a different guy. But this time, my instincts told me he was someone special, someone important for me. Again, it intrigued me so much that I gave up trying to sleep (atleast for a while) and went back to thinking. I don’t know either of the guys I saw, and I don’t know if I ever will get to know them or see them. But I began wondering: I see so many strangers, unknown faces, in my dreams. Could there really be a person like that, somewhere in this world? Will I, some day, happen to meet them? How would it be like – meeting someone you have dreamt of? And what if they have dreamt of me, as well?

I don’t know how my mind conjures up all those unknown people for my dreams. Guess I’ve got a cool, imaginative mind, after all. Anyway, so, I finally went back to sleep. And guess what? I saw another ‘serial’ dream, one I have seen so many times; more than twice, definitely. In fact, I know the dream so well that after the first couple of times, I began ‘altering’ (more like bringing on) the end myself! Let me explain. The dream basically features my family – dad, mom, sister and me. But the ‘mom’ character in the dream isn’t my mom in real life. The ‘dad’ in the dream is a bad guy and the ‘mom’ dies somehow because of him (but through some weird way of thoughts or something, she does illustrate a certain method to kill the ‘dad’ guy –Β  something like locking him up in a room and setting it on fire from outside). I have seen the original version of the dream atleast twice, maybe even more – versions with the ‘dad’ guy still living in the end. When I saw it for the third time (assuming I had seen it only twice earlier), I remembered how the ‘mom’ had shown a way to kill the ‘dad’ guy and I used the idea, killing him myself. I followed the same steps that I remembered from the previous dream and TADAAA…happy ending! When I start seeing this dream, after a while, I think “I have seen this before…and I can use this plan to kill this guy because I saw it in the same dream last time”. What I’m trying to say is, the whole thing (remembering I have seen it before, borrowing the idea from the previous dream, carrying it out) happens within a dream!! I don’t know if you understood anything, but I was dumbstruck when I finished thinking about this.

I saw this very same dream for ‘God-knows-how-many-th’ time today… This time, my mind improvised it (to eliminate the element of repetition and boredom, perhaps). There was a neighbour visiting on the night I was supposed to kill the ‘dad’… I was supposed to lock him in a room; there was a cloth wedged in between (new addition), which I pulled out right at the last moment and this time, I had to take some effort to lock the door. But anyway, I got a happy ending again! This dream is one I have seen very often (as already said) but I NEVER remembered it when I woke up…until today!!!

I don’t know why I see such dreams so repetitively. It’s weird and I want to know why it happens. If anyone out there has an answer, do let me know. Anyhow, today was a relatively boring, unremarkable day (apart from the singularity of the dreams :D). Today, I had thought I would write something that comes into my mind at random. But when I woke up, I knew I wanted to blog about the dreams I saw. I can’t wait to laze around the whole weekend, reading or sleeping or just doing nothing! πŸ™‚ Happy weekend to you all!! Dream away!!! πŸ™‚

Random Ramblings

Hiya readers!! πŸ™‚ I hope you missed me as much as I missed you. πŸ˜› Well, the past few days were dull and pretty much boring, for me. I have done nothing except sleep or read. To be frank, I’m amazed at the amount of time I spent sleeping away. Anyhow, I’m not complaining, not at all. I love the freedom I have right now, to sleep or read or do whatever I want. I really wish college wouldn’t reopen!! But alas! not all wishes come true, right?

Since I resumed blogging, I have been feeling a kind of deep happiness that I cannot explain. I have grown to LOVE it and I have to confess I’m getting almost addicted! πŸ™‚ Now, I spend most of my time reading other blogs or doing stuff on my own blog. I’m so in love with it. Since I could not get online for the past couple of days, I couldn’t indulge in my new-found passion. And yes, I missed it like hell!!! I have been thinking of stuff I could write about, thoughts I need to put into words, blogs I should go through… and I couldn’t wait to get back! And TADAAA..I’m back! (I’m sure my enthusiasm is more than evident! :D) I feel so much at peace, very happy and completely in my ‘element’, these days! Someday, I should write about the immense joy I’m feeling since I began blogging again. Someday soon, for sure.

During the past two days, I was reading the book ‘P.S I Love You’ by Cecelia Ahern. It’s a book I have been longing to read and was so delighted when I finally got it!! And I’m enjoying it so much! It’s a beautiful story, written in such a way that you can’t help laughing and crying and living with Holly (the main character) through her life. I found it extremely heart-touching and at the same time, so much fun to read. There were so many instances in the book where I almost laughed out loud. And I’m totally in love with the character Ciara! She always manages to make me smile with her crazy ways (pink hair, lot of tattoos, piercings, to name a few). It’s a book that touches almost all aspects of life – family, friendship, fun, life and of course, love. After reading about the bond between the sisters, I couldn’t stop thinking about my own sisters. Miss them so badly! 😦 The bond between Holly and Gerry is so perfectly portrayed. I could really sense the pain that Holly must be going through, in every thought and action of hers. Anyway, it’s a very enjoyable read, not to mention touching… Highly recommended!

Apart from all that, I have also developed a love for Ireland, after reading the book. I’m so crazily in love with the country and I’m longing to go there someday. Even though the book doesn’t give detailed descriptions of the country, I loved the whole picture it conjured up in my mind – the lifestyle, the place, the weather, everything. I hope to get to see it someday… πŸ™‚ (fingers crossed!)

A few days ago, a friend asked me this question: “If you could compare yourself to anything in this world, what would you choose to compare yourself to?” I was surprised by the question. A very interesting but meaningful question. The friend said that she compares herself to the bright sunlight – it’s bright but fades away in the evening, but you always know it will be back the next day! As in, she maybe happy now;Β  it could fade away after a while, but you know it will always come back. I loved the thought. πŸ™‚ When I pondered about what I would compare myself to, I did feel the sunshine would apply to me as well. But apart from that, I think I will compare myself to the phoenix. Like the mythical bird that ignites itself at the end of its life span and then is reborn from its ashes, I’m a person who is constantly reborn from my own depression and suffering. Everytime I encounter sorrow, I try to derive strength from that pain and come back to life. Of course, there are times I feel sad, lonely or just plain miserable…there are times when I sit by myself and cry like hell… But at the end of it all, I never fail to find strength and pull myself up from the depths of despair. That is something I love about myself. So, what would you compare yourself to??:)

I know I haven’t really been forthright in whatever I’m saying. I suppose I have gone from one topic to another, without really going too deep into any one of them. To be honest, that was exactly what I meant to do, right from the outset. There is a kind of fun in just rambling on, saying all that comes to your mind, without sticking to anything. After all those pointful (in case you didn’t understand, pointful is the opposite of pointless…of course, my addition to the dictionary! :D) posts, I just couldn’t resist the urge to write some pointless, random bullshit, that is so typical of me! So there! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜›

Hope you enjoyed it… After all, randomness has a beauty (and a fun) of its own!Β  I definitely enjoyed writing it, anyway. πŸ˜€