Rain, Rain, Come Again :)

It’s night-time. Dark, silent (almost) and a tiny bit eerie. I don’t remember the last time I stayed up to blog. Since afternoon, there have been so many thoughts in my mind that I can’t help but sit down and let them out. Considering how lazy I can be, it surprises me that I’m staying up to write about some random thoughts I had earlier during the day. Maybe the fact that I could not go to sleep without doing this shows how much of an impact these thoughts have had on me.

I had been feeling quite low for the past couple of days.

Today afternoon, while walking back home with a friend, it started drizzling. It wasn’t unusual (it has been raining on and off during the past few weeks) or sudden (it has been cloudy for a couple of days). But it changed something within me. It felt good. I felt an urge to stay out in the rain for a while longer. It evoked a kind of happiness in me that I can’t seem to explain. It was not an overwhelming emotion…just plain happiness. A good feeling within, just a sense of being content and happy with wherever I was at that particular point in life. I went up to the terrace and sat there for a while. The rain had stopped by then but I knew it wouldn’t be long before it returned. At that moment, sitting there, watching the sky and lost in thoughts, I felt a deep sense of contentment with life. Almost like I was living solely in that moment. Even though I believe in the concept of living one’s life fully and in the moment, I have to admit that I hardly ever come across moments like this. And when I do, they touch me far deeper than ever; they leave me filled with thoughts that demand to be let out! (Right now, I feel flooded by so many thoughts, I don’t know which ones to let out!)

Since it was the rain that led to this “outpour” of thoughts, I suppose I’ll let rain take the limelight here. Today, while it was raining, I had so many thoughts going through my mind…and when I paid attention to these passing thoughts, I realized that they were mostly vivid memories, all related to rain. Some of them were almost long-forgotten. I thought I’d list out a few, to pore over on some other rainy day.

Rain reminds me of:

1) How I used to long for rainy days during childhood. I loved floating paper boats in the puddles, getting drenched in the rain (although that rarely happened) or just listening to the rain falling outside. Since rain wasn’t very common, I used to love whenever it rained, even if it meant mess and mud and dampness.

2) Schooldays! I loved going to school on rainy days. Inspite of the fact that I hated getting my feet wet, I enjoyed rainy school days. I used to love the small puddles on the school ground. Not the messy corridors, though. We used to make excuses or happily carry out errands for the teachers, just to get out of class and go out in the rain.

3) Quite contrary to school time, I hated rain during college. Perhaps because there was an excess of it! I dreaded going to class on rainy days. I hated the muddy paths, the drenched uniforms, the cold, everything! One distinct memory is of an instance when one moment, we  (classmates) were all walking slowly, ‘navigating’ around muddy puddles and talking, and the next moment, it started raining cats and dogs, and we ran to find shelter, splashing mud all around (need I add we ended up looking very much pitiable).

4) Songs. Experiences – Every time it rains, the first song to come to mind is Unnai Kandane (Parijatham). It has become almost synonymous to rain. Apart from all the memories of travelling on rainy days or of curling up in the bed, listening to the rain outside, another rainy experience I’ll always remember is the one I had while I was at Kochi – going up to the terrace with a PGmate/friend and enjoying the rain.  Evidently, it was good enough to make me blog about it. The memory and the post, in particular, have immense significance for me!

5) And now, rain will always remind me of today and the happiness it brought forth in me. Because it happened at a point when I badly needed it. Or perhaps, because it made me see things I had been overlooking, like the need to be happy by oneself.

So, what does rain remind you of? 

 

 

What I’m Upto…

Right from the time I could remember, I have been into Hindi music. I used to listen to most of the new songs, pick my favourites, suggest others to listen to them, have long talks with friends about the new movies & songs. Music has always been one inseparable part of my life, right from school time. And I’ve always been more into Bollywood music as compared to English, Malayalam or Tamil. So, imagine my dismay and frustration when I end up doing college in a place where Hindi movies hardly get released (hardly=limited to big banner movies). And don’t even ask about the music! I was almost equal to an illiterate when it came to Bollywood music, while there. Once in a while, some friend would tell me about this new hit song from so-and-so movie and that was like the only way I had to keep myself updated. And, of course, I had the internet. But there’s only so much you can  find out by sitting in the lab and googling. 🙂

What I used to do was: while I come home (read: RAK) for the hols, I used to check out the movies/music that I had missed during the past few months and catch up. I’d  google for the reviews and pick out those that seem good; sometimes, go by my own judgement, from the sound of the movie title, music director, singers, so on. And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. 🙂 I’ve been going through some movie reviews, a hell lot of music reviews… And I’ve rerealized how crazy I still am about music. Not just anything or everything, though. Basically, I’m crazy about good movies & music. And what’s good? I’d say any music that can connect to me (my inner being) can be declared good.

I have found some really good songs, some awesome movies to watch… and it’s surprising how some movies that weren’t exactly box-office hits can have such beautiful music! Even though some songs didn’t exactly turn out to be as good as the reviews promised, I’ve come across a handful that I’m sure are going to be played a hell of a lot! 🙂 To name a few (very very few), I’m in love with Hona Tha Pyaar from Bol, Tere Dil Mein from Let’s Party (Ganesh Hegde [I’m crazy about him!!!]), Tera Noor from Teri Rehmatein (Javed Ali), songs from Jhootha Hi Sahi…

So, I’ll be getting back to my songs, for now. Let me know what you’ve been upto! 🙂 

Thinking Away (as always!)

Some of my most wayward and deepest thoughts were born while travelling. I love travelling. It’s like a transition phase, where you go from one place to another, passing through so many strange places. I have always held a peculiar sense of fascination for travelling, that act of journeying from one point to another. While on the way to some place, I have always felt a desire to just go on travelling. As in, I don’t want to reach the destination, I want the path to go on. I love that in-between phase. And during travelling, I get so much time to indulge in thoughts. I let my mind wander around, taking in the people around me, observing the places I pass, the happenings on the way.

A DTC bus on a Delhi ring road, travelling on ...

During the one week I was away, I did a hell lot of travelling. And, needless to say, I have had so many interesting thoughts. Once, while I was in the bus, I noticed how it was so weird that around 40-50 (or more) people came together, in close contact or proximity with each other, for a short time span and then went off on their different ways. That is what happens in a bus, right? You have some 50 other strangers around you, all so close to you (physically) and going in the same direction, atleast for some time. So many people with a lot of different lives, hopes, dreams and problems. Yet bound to you in an odd way, because you’re all in the same vehicle, on the same path to somewhere.

I was struck by the singularity of the situation. When I looked around, I found so many unknown people around me…people who were going the same way, sitting so close to me, yet living worlds apart…making no effort to know the person sitting next to them, just plain lost and immersed in their own worlds. Have you ever thought about how many such strangers you meet on your way to and from work (or any place, for that matter)? It’s like, for those few minutes or hours, you are all bonded by the journey…kind of like your destinies have come together…and then, you are lost. [I just realized that I LOVE that last line, the sheer imagination behind that thought.] 🙂

I always wonder what kind of person must be the one sitting next to me, what kind of life he/she leads, so on. If it didn’t seem like an intrusion into their privacy, I guess I’d have tried to ask them and find out! 🙂

Another time, while in the bus (again), I was listening to music. And I noticed that each song made me think of something related to college, even if it was in the slightest way. Now, since college is over, every song I hear seems to remind me of some instance related to college days. Almost all the songs I hear fall into categories like: songs we danced to or songs we wanted to dance to, songs that this person liked or that person disliked, songs that we sang to make fun of some friend, songs that I listened to on that trip or that day, songs that my ex and I loved or hated, songs that remind me of particular events or situations…so on. Every song I listen to has some significance, some connection to the times I’ve had at college. It’s amusing, actually, to know that these 3 years have influenced me to such an extent. 🙂

Nextttt! While I was with Kiran, I happened to ask her if she had heard some new songs. She replied that she listens only to English songs now; she doesn’t listen to Hindi music because, frankly, she doesn’t feel there are many good songs coming out now. I suggested some of my favourites among the latest releases and she said that she didn’t like them. I confess that I kinda agree with her statement about not many good songs being made nowadays. But there are quite a few, nevertheless, that captured my attention enough to make me want to listen to them again. Then, Kiran mentioned that all these ‘good’ songs are love songs, all mushy-mushy or talking of true love and stuff (that being an inherent theme in Bollywood music). You know what I mean. And she said that she has become sort of immune to that line of thought – love, commitment, true love, blah blah. She feels a kind of sarcasm and contempt when she listens to those totally mushy songs; she doesn’t believe in that ‘shit’ anymore. I understand her comment, because she has never really held any belief in the concept of true love. So, no wonder she has become immune to it.

I don’t think the same, though. I believe in true love and I enjoy all the love stuff that some (read: most) Hindi songs talk about. But I kept quiet and listened to Kiran’s reasoning and perceptions. Something about the conversation struck my mind and refused to leave. Later, when I thought about it, I understood why. I admire the fact that she can be immune to the concept of love when it is a most pervasive thought, particularly at this stage in our lives. I realized that I was, in fact, wishing I could also reach that point when I’ll be unaffected by it all. Because, truly speaking, I’m tired of it, fed up, worn out…whatever you choose to call this situation.

GelGems (I love them) on train.

The whole dating thing, commitments, relationships, heartbreaks, everything has got to me, exhausted me…and I’m seriously tired. Yet, I don’t seem to have become ‘immune’. I mean, I still believe I’ll find true love and, I have to admit, keep hoping for it. I keep waiting for it. Inspite of being tired. Sometimes, I wish I could also feel the same as Kiran. Compared to what I’m going through, her ability to be free of such emotions sounds like total bliss. I don’t know when it will happen to me, or if it happen at all. Or if I actually want it to happen! 🙂 Imagine…if I became indifferent to the whole love thing, how would I believe or accept when it actually happens? AAhhh…I don’t think I will ever let go of that thought. Doesn’t really matter. Though, I do wish it would stop pricking my happiness at those random moments.

 

5 Random Facts About Myself

I wouldn’t say these are facts you actually need to know about me. They are just 5 random facts about me – weird or ‘interesting’ facts that came to my mind randomly.

1. I hate ketchup – My friends say this is the strangest thing they have ever heard. Whenever we go out to have lunch or something, I mention that I don’t want anything that has ketchup in it. Almost all my friends comment on how I can possibly hate it. They are, in a way, baffled. Anyhow, I hate ketchup. Period.

2. I’m super-scared of cockroaches (not to mentioned insects, spiders…basically, anything creepy that crawls, flies or worse, jumps!) – OK, I know it sounds funny. But I mean it. I’m really scared of all kind of insects and creepy, crawly creatures. I feel something akin to a fear squeezing my heart when I see them. If I see anything of the sort, I immediately do one of the following:

(a) jump onto an elevated position (eg: bed, chair, table)  (b) scream my lungs out  (c) run (ie. if I’m not cornered by the ‘enemy’)  (d) huddle under something, waiting for someone to come and save me

3. I sleep with a dictionary (and a thesaurus) next to my pillow (apart from the book I’m currently reading) – 🙂 I know that sounds really peculiar. My friends say that the dictionary is my bible. And I think they are actually right this time! I have a love for words, so naturally, I love the dictionary and the thesaurus, too. I write while lying on my bed and that is why I began keeping the dictionary and the thesaurus near my pillow, so that they would be within reach. And I have to admit, those are ‘books’ I use a hell lot more than my textbooks (or any other books, for that matter), ‘books’ I reach out for so many times during the day, thus earning for itself that place of prestige – right beside my pillow.

4. I love some super-brainy stuff – Before I explain that, there is something else I should say. I might sound intelligent, thoughtful and very philosophical at times, but anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m equally stupid, crazy and expertised in blurting out the most foolish stuff. Best part is I love that about me! So, please don’t think I’m this brainy, intelligent female. Anyway, the intellectual part of me is an ardent lover of particle physics, noetic science (thanks to Dan Brown books), human brain, psychology and some such ‘brainy’ stuff.

5. I love waking my sisters with my awesome singing – My singing is somewhere between awful and slightly bearable. Or so I think (since I haven’t really got any good ‘reviews’ yet! :P). But when I’m at home, I wake up a little earlier than my sisters and begin singing at the top of my voice, with the clear intention of waking them up. I love the idea of them waking up and starting their day, listening to my beautiful songs. And they always end up sleeping very less than they had intended to, sometimes even joining me in the singing (lessening the ‘impact’ that I create by myself)…and at times, the youngest brat suggests songs for me to sing. I’m sure they are grateful that I stick to waking them up and not trying to put them to sleep with my wonderful songs.

Tadaaa…and you have hit the end of the list. 🙂 These are random facts about me, some that even my best friends don’t know of. Because…well, because they are random!! 😀

Crazy Times + Happiness = Blissful Hangover :D

This was written on 21st December, 2011 (yesterday) at around 11:15pm, to be posted the next day (ie, today).

I have just had a wonderful, awesome ending to a tiring day! During Lunch break and after class (at college), I had been running from class to the Lab, then to the Library, then to the Lab, so on and so forth, climbing up and down god-knows-how-many staircases. It was 8pm when I got to leave from college. I had stayed back so that I could sit and mail my friends (or chat with them) in peace (since very few students stay back after 6).

I was dreading the thought of getting back to hostel because tonight (yesternight, that is) was our Christmas celebration at hostel and I was in no mood for any kind of celebration except perhaps that of deep slumber! 🙂 So, I dragged myself back to hostel, took a quick shower, had a very filling dinner and went to watch the stuff others had put together as part of the programme.  There were a couple of games, which were hilarious and I found myself enjoying it more than I had expected to. Halfway through it, I felt I was being infused with more and more enthusiasm. After all the programmes, we had a blast! We went outside and played with crackers, watched fireworks… I was more into the ‘jumping around and having fun with friends’ part rather than the ‘show’. And then, we got back in. It was dance time!! Dance time at our hostel means the warden lets us have songs played at high volume while we dance or just have fun (I know that sounds cool, but it happens only once in a blue moon and so, we take advantage of it whenever it happens). I usually don’t feel energetic enough to join the dance since I mostly get drained by then. Yeah, I can get really tired and worn out, especially if I’m in no mood for what’s happening. But today was, well…different, although I think that’s more of an understatement.

Whoever handled the music section did a really good job. They played all my fav songs, exactly the ones we wanted…and with each song, I seemed to go crazier and wilder. My friends noted it, too. I haven’t danced so madly since a long time… It’s not always that I do this – dance like I don’t care about anything else, not about what crap I’m doing, not about how many are staring… Man! Did I dance! We were, all of us, jumping around, yelling and screaming like hell. It was so damn crazy, but seriously fun! I did get tired, I won’t lie…but somehow, I did NOT want to stop. I just didn’t have the heart to stop… I didn’t want to waste a single second of this precious night. But like all good things, it did come to an end…and much too soon, at that. One thing I loved was that even Anju, who mostly stays away from stuff like this, danced with us crazy girls. When I got back to the room, I was worn out to the bone and so out of breath…but very happy. In fact, bursting with it. I had enjoyed tonight, dancing and screaming and laughing like there was no tomorrow (all this when I had ‘issues’). And I’m still hungover…so much like drunk on the fun. Once I got back my breath and calmed down, I was so overwhelmed by the whole experience that I knew I wanted to write about this. Yeah, I know it might not seem like much, but considering the place, the people and the college (not to mention the rules) I believe it’s incredible that I got a night like this. Craziest Christmas celebration ever!

Whew!!! Tomorrow, I will be sleeping in class, in preparation for the Christmas celebration at college in the evening. I’m so not looking forward to going home!

Now: I’m in the Library, bunking the third hour of class… I didn’t sleep in class. I was surprisingly refreshed and so rejuvenated when I woke up today morning…which isn’t a favourable condition for sleeping in class. But since I was longing to write this out, I bunked the third hour. 🙂 Looking forward to the celebration today evening, though I hear it’s not going to be all that great (not as much as I expect it to be, that is!). 😀 How are your celebrations and preparations going on?? 🙂

 

Musical Chatter :)

I was just listening to Kun Faya Kun from the movie Rockstar (starring Ranbir Kapoor and Nargis Fakhri). And I felt moved to write something about its effect on me. 🙂 I was completely astounded by it when I heard it first…and I still am, to a great extent. It did remind me of ‘Khwaja Mere Khwaja’ (from Jodha Akbar) but that did nothing to lessen the charm of the song for me. It’s such a soulful song… Trust AR Rahman to create sheer brilliance in music! The songs of Rockstar prove his genius all over again!
Kun Faya Kun absolutely soothes my mind, calming my thoughts…in short, it takes me into another world. 🙂 In spite of the intense religious implications in the lyrics, it doesn’t fail to touch something within me…some part of my inner self (that others might call my ‘soul’).
It’s amazing how music connects to your soul, moulds your thoughts. And this happens at a stupefying level when it comes to AR Rahman’s music. Kun Faya Kun quietens my mind as much as Sadda Haq (another song from the same movie) stirs the rebel inherent in me. I love Sadda Haq for its candid, spurring lyrics and of course, the music. It’s nothing short of inspiriting, for me!! Awesome music, of two extreme kinds…by the same prodigious man! Now that’s what I call the work of a genius! 🙂

Humming away…

I’m an absolute crazy fan of Lucky Ali…and I was humming some lines from one of his songs since morning.

Rasthe na badle na badla jahan
Phir kyon badalthe kadam hain yahaan..
[ ..the path doesn’t change, nor does the place
then why do the steps change here…]

If you give it a thought, there seems to be so much of depth in these lines…(not like I completely understand it)… It’s amusing how some some songs can make you think so much! 😀