The New Year Post

Last day of the year. It has an almost ominous ring to it. Yet, it represents the birth of a new year, bringing along new hopes and experiences. If you think about it, New Year is, in essence, just a marker of the passage of time. But it holds a certain sense of charm which makes it special. The joy of the season, gifts, meetings, greetings and smiles everywhere…quite infectious, right? 

Perhaps that’s why there is a general notion that New Year should be celebrated with all the splendour and merriment possible. Honestly, I find it slightly pressurizing. Most of my New Year days have been pretty much normal, bordering on boring even. Except for a couple of times. I don’t even remember what I did for most of the New Year days, in fact! I bet that tells you enough. 

This year is going to be no different. Or so I think. I’m going to spend tomorrow exactly as I spent the past two days – reading, watching a couple of movies, blogging (*fingers crossed*) and doing whatever else I want to. I feel oddly dismal when I say this in answer to my friends’ recently regular questions about my New Year plans. As if it’s wrong to spend New Year like a normal day. So, then, I decided I’d blog about that…about how New Year day can be anything you choose it to be. More to console myself than anything else.

It can be a day for relaxing, working, loafing around or anything at all! You don’t have to be out partying or celebrating. You can just as well spend the day at home, doing what you want, without feeling sad about it. After all, it’s really just another day. I guess its ‘newness’ depends on how you feel, not necessarily on what you do. I don’t even believe in the thought that January 1 of every year represents a new beginning. If anything, it can help refresh you to continue. If a new beginning is what you want, it can happen any day, any moment of the year. You shouldn’t have to wait for one particular day (unless you’re stubborn and really want to!). 

So, yes, I’m going to have a seemingly boring and definitely lonely January 1st. But I’m going to try and be happy about it. Because, well, it’s the start of a brand new year. I’m sure it will have quite a few awesome days to make up for the very first. And, anyway, I’m going to spend the day with stuff I really love – books, movies, blog. 🙂 

Moral of the post – In case you have no New Year plans, do not despair. You can always join me!

Happy New Year, everyone! However you decide to spend the day, make sure you enjoy it! 

A Crappy Phase

For someone who has loved blogging so much, I’m shocked at what’s happening. I used to read almost all the Freshly Pressed posts, regularly visit the blogs I follow and write out the stupid thoughts in my head. And now, WordPress is a site that is near yet far away. I check out the titles of the FP posts every morning but don’t find the time to read any. Though, yesterday I read a couple of them. And I realized that it had been ages! While commenting on a post I liked, I felt like my blogging skills had gotten kinda rusty. It felt a bit foreign to me; I had been out of touch for far too long.

It’s been gnawing at me for quite a few days now. Many of my friends have been asking me about why I haven’t blogged for so long. Their questions have added to the pangs of guilt that I’ve been experiencing lately. So, since it was a peaceful, lazy Sunday, I thought I’d get down to it…and retrieve one of my most ardent passions.

The only excuse/reason I have for my prolonged absence is – lack of time and motivation! Nothing else. I’m seriously demotivated as far as work is concerned. There’s a lot of crap happening and it takes its toll on me, personally…ruins my happiness and peace of mind. Each day, I wake up, I dread the thought of going to work…but pull myself up and go through the day, longing to get back home and hit the bed! I had nothing to blog about, except a bunch of messed up, negative thoughts. I felt no urge to write out.

But then, when you’re passionate about  something and you stay away from it for some time, it doesn’t take long for you to notice how much you miss it. And that’s how I began missing blogging. I missed the excitement of opening up my Dashboard page every day, reading the comments, replying to them, thinking up new posts, looking forward to the response for it…

I’ve had people trying to motivate me, make me feel better. But, somehow, nothing works. At the end of the day, it has to come from me, I suppose. And, why it hasn’t come from me? Because there’s something missing. Something required to help me motivate myself. I can’t quite put my finger on it. What I know for sure is that there’s a void in my mind, right now. I’m trying, thinking of possible ways to fill up that yawning space within. There’s no lack of happiness, if you ask me. It’s the motivation to go on that’s absent. The feeling that I should give it my best and be the best.

Anyway, on a good note, I’m looking forward to the super-awesome phase that will certainly follow this super-crappy phase. 🙂

Bits & Pieces

I know I’ve been super-lazy. I haven’t been posting as regularly as I used to. Even when there’s enough and more happening in my life. So, like I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m going through a good phase in life. I’m learning so many new things, going through some great experiences, realizing, thinking… I was extremely demotivated with things at work, for a while, and now, I’ve started pushing myself to put in my best.

So, at this point, I guess it’s natural that my blogging gets better, too. Yesterday, I found this blog while going through some random blogs – 53 weeks. The basic concept behind it is – a theme is chosen, and a photograph based on this theme is posted each week, for 53 weeks. Do check it out! I love the photography! Well, it got me thinking. Each week, out of all the photographs the person takes, he has to choose one that deserves to be given focus, to be featured as the photograph of the week. It’s kind of like order in chaos, because when there’s a lot and you focus on one (of anything, for that matter), there’s a sort of clarity, a light.

And I realized I could use that thought for my blog, too. Not necessarily or solely using photographs, though. What I have in mind is – pick out one striking thing about each day, blog about it. It could be a thought, an incident, a song, something someone said, something I read or saw, a realization, a person, anything. Absolutely anything. Out of all that happens in a day, concentrate on one striking moment. Let’s call it the bit of the dayI’m planning to do this on a daily basis, or atleast post on alternate days. And I’m going to try my best not to let my laziness get in the way.

Let’s start off with today. When I think of what to blog about, I usually fall short of ideas & thoughts. But now, when I try to pick out one remarkable incident, so many come to mind. Anyhow, I already know what today’s bit is going to be – the thought that I got from 53 weeks. Ever since I came across the site, the thought of doing something similar for my own blog has been in mind. I’ve been thinking about it whole day. The idea happened by chance. It’s different, thought-provoking and awesome (like me?). It’s going to get me thinking, give life to my (sporadic) blogging habit, give me a chance to focus on some thoughts/instances that I would have otherwise neglected. I’m sure it’s going to be a great experience. So there! I’ve started off!

Sleepy & Babbling

I’m disappointed. And irritated. And angry. All at myself. I haven’t been trying to find time for what I love the most. Even when it comes to diary-writing, I wrote something on Sunday, after a gap of almost three weeks. I’m so NOT liking this.

I haven’t had any dearth of topics to write about. There were times when I felt moved to write about some incidents. But, well, that never happened (evidently). For the past two days, I’ve been working on this one post and it hasn’t gotten anywhere yet. So, today, I got tired of feeling bad and not doing anything about it. I decided I would post something, even if it turns out to be random nonsense (like always!).

Life’s going fine. Work is good. I’ve almost got used to the surroundings and started fooling around with people (which happens only when I’m comfortable). I’m not saying it’s all good and happy every day. It does get on my nerves, at times. I miss lazing around. But that’s ok, I suppose I’ve done more than enough of that during my three years at college. 🙂

During these three weeks, I’ve learnt a lot. I have observed people, understood a lot about some, realized some painful truths and yes, learnt some lessons, gained some experiences. One basic lesson is : Do NOT trust anyone blindly; take your time. People can be really weird and I’ve realized that I should take my time before I decide to trust someone (Exceptions possible). I think I have heard and seen enough to get it into my head.

Apart from that, I’ve had a lot of thoughts (nothing new there!). Serious thoughts about what I’m doing, my future, the people in my life, what I want in life… Yet to find answers, though. By the way, have you noticed? The Freshly Pressed posts have been awesome, during the past two days particularly. Very thought-provoking, beautiful posts.

Today, I was sort of moody. So, on the way back, I got into this bookshop near my home. Having a lot of books around me helps in lifting my spirits. Works always, worked today. But I think I’m back to the moody phase. I’ll get over it, I’m sure. Meanwhile, thanks to all the strong emotions in my head, I have been writing a good lot of nonsense stuff in my diary. 🙂 Am I rambling too much? Maybe I’m just sleepy…

Cruel Twists

I had wanted to blog today morning, but got busy with work. In fact, I got this thought while brushing my teeth, and since then, I’ve been thinking of writing it out. While walking to work, I thought about it, mentally jotting down what all I wanted to write about. Surprisingly, I got another touching thought after I reached office. I did try to write it out, but got busy with work. And that’s again something to talk about! 🙂

So, before I get into the actual thought that triggered this urge to write, let me tell you about a news item I read today morning. If you have noticed, we read a lot of stuff each day; a lot of articles, information and random facts cross our mind. But there are some that stay, that touch your mind enough to make you think! Today morning, while going through some  news updates, I read an article. It wasn’t the first article I read, but it was the first (and the only one, I think) that moved me. Obviously, why else would I be blogging about it?

So, I started my day at work, feeling emotionally moved by this news item. In a country where deaths, accidents, injuries and mishaps play prominent roles in newspapers, this might not be unusually shocking or anything. But when I read it, I kind of imagined myself in her situation, then in her parents’ situation. She was (it feels weird saying ‘was’) my age…and she had got placed in the same company as me (remember the campus interview, the job I decided to let go?). Meaning, I might have met her if life had taken a different road.

Life twists and turns…

She was supposed to be take part in a TV show later this month. It’s easy to say life had other plans for her. But very difficult to come to terms with those plans. Sometimes, life’s twists can be so cruel. This was the one thought that kept ringing in my head, when I started work today morning. Kind of like a reminder that the next moment can be happy, shockingly disastrous or just normal…that all I can do right now is MAKE MOST OF NOW! 🙂

The Reader Appreciation Award – Just Made My Day!

[The following was written last night, actually yesterday early morning. In the end, I was so unhappy with it that I couldn’t bring myself to publish it. But these are thoughts I want to put across…so, here goes!] 

So, I’ve been staring at this empty space for quite a while, now. And I thought I should be writing something… It’s 1:00am. I’m not sleepy. But my little sister (who loves staying up with me) is already dozing off near me. I tried keeping her busy by giving her some  funny stuff to watch but that doesn’t seem to be working.

I guess I should just blog and be done with this, so that Ann and I can go sleep. 🙂 When I wrote the post about how I was feeling down, I mentioned a blog that had inspired me to write it out – hastywords. I was catching up on her posts, today. And I found another post that I could relate to so amazingly – My Heart The Traitor. Basically, it’s about how she discovered the source to her negativity and the way to destroy it. Beautiful post. And there were so many parts in it which touched me beyond words!

I loved her thought about positivity being all around us, how looking up at the stars and the miracles all around us can give us a sense of it. ‘From darkness…there is light.’ So so so true! It’s something I believe in but when it turns dark, I forget to remember that I’ll find light at the other end.

Anyway, I think I’m getting there…finally seeing light. Trying to break through the layer of darkness and see beyond, into the enlivening light. And go sailing in a small boat on the vast ocean…

Photography by Martin Vincent

I think I should get to sleep…or I’ll sleep-blog! 😛 By the way, it’s just past 2am and Ann’s already gone off to bed. [ Luckily, I stopped right here, or you would have had to read some of the nonsense I write when I’m on the verge of sleeping off!] 

A new day. And guess what? When I logged in to my WP account, I was in for a wonderful surprise. It just made my day! 🙂 Matt (aka theotherwatson) at Wanton Creation nominated me for the Reader Appreciation Award!!!! 🙂 I can’t tell you how happy I was. Even though I know you love me so much, these awards are like an awesome extra-bit of appreciation! And it always feels great! But the best part, for me, is that these awards seem to come right when I need them. As in, when I’m going through a low-time or having writer’s block, I get nominated for an award and it completely changes my mood! 🙂 Thank you so so so much, Matt. You have no idea how happy I’m! 🙂

Like with every other award, this one comes with some rules. Apart from  linking back to the person who nominated me (check), including the image (check) and nominating 6 other bloggers, I’m supposed to say something about what I’ve been upto.

Well, I had been experiencing a down-time. But now, I’m almost out of it. I’ve been watching some movies, listening to a lot of music, reading some really lovely blogs, talking to and spending time with Ann and basically, just making most of my time here at the heaven I call ‘home’! Yesterday, Ann and I did some crazy stuff together. And yeah, I made her stay up while I was writing a post that I didn’t even publish! 😀 So, that’s what I’ve been upto!

Now, to pass on the award… Well, there are so many bloggers I like. And I’m going to choose 6 bloggers whom I haven’t nominated before. So, here goes:

emotional salad – Love her thoughts! 🙂

Live, Learn, Mature – My awesome blog-friend 🙂

kkeilly – I stumbled upon her blog one day. And it was love at first sight!

hastywords – She’s sort of an emotional soul-mate, as you might have understood by now!

Personal Concerns – Because I love the thought-provoking stuff he writes!

PIECES – Love his poems! 🙂

Check out their blogs, I’m sure you’ll find them super-awesome!

Love y’all! 🙂

WATSUPPP?????

There’s this one question that people ask each other most often. Yet it also happens to be the most overlooked question ever. In significance, that is – “How are you?” (currently replaced by the cooler What’s up/Watsup/Wazzup/Sup/some other weird variant). I might have to answer this question a hundred times in a single day…probably, more than that. But for some reason, everyone, including me, have this reply that we are trained to give: “I’m fine” or some variant of it. We, almost never, take the effort to answer honestly. I don’t understand why. I guess I should be asking myself first. My reply: I think it must be because I’m, in a way, taught to give that certain reply than bothering to honestly tell the person how I am. Or maybe it’s just too difficult and complicated to explain how I am to a person, especially if the person is someone who isn’t very close (read: someone who isn’t interested in knowing how I am) and if I’m supposed to give a short answer. Still, have you thought about what exactly you are questioning when you ask a person how they are? It has so much significance…yet we never bother to give a thought to the depth of the question we are asking. It has become a very casual question, now, and even when we ask it, we don’t really expect any in-depth response, probably just a casual response, matching the tone of the question. So, why don’t we take a genuine effort to know how the other person is? Why not ask the question and mean it, want to know it? I read something about this in a book, and since then, it has always struck me as weird. We ask something so profound but never bother to listen to the answer. How many of us would want to sit and listen to exactly how a person is doing? Very less, I’m sure. Maybe, with the rat race we all are caught up in, it doesn’t really matter anymore. Hell, do we even take the time to ask ourselves how we are?

I’ve started trying to ask others how they are and listen to them; I’m beginning to take an effort to mean it when I ask how they are, to actually listen to what they have to say. Spread the message, all of you. And by the way, how are you? 🙂

If you ask me how I am, well, it’s been a boring day. I woke up feeling kinda weird, moody and dull. So, my day started off bad. I did cheer up later, but the underlying dullness is still there. So, not one of my best days, I suppose. Perfect day for some crazy chocolate-indulgence! 😀 What do you do/have to fix up your bad day?