The New Year Post

Last day of the year. It has an almost ominous ring to it. Yet, it represents the birth of a new year, bringing along new hopes and experiences. If you think about it, New Year is, in essence, just a marker of the passage of time. But it holds a certain sense of charm which makes it special. The joy of the season, gifts, meetings, greetings and smiles everywhere…quite infectious, right? 

Perhaps that’s why there is a general notion that New Year should be celebrated with all the splendour and merriment possible. Honestly, I find it slightly pressurizing. Most of my New Year days have been pretty much normal, bordering on boring even. Except for a couple of times. I don’t even remember what I did for most of the New Year days, in fact! I bet that tells you enough. 

This year is going to be no different. Or so I think. I’m going to spend tomorrow exactly as I spent the past two days – reading, watching a couple of movies, blogging (*fingers crossed*) and doing whatever else I want to. I feel oddly dismal when I say this in answer to my friends’ recently regular questions about my New Year plans. As if it’s wrong to spend New Year like a normal day. So, then, I decided I’d blog about that…about how New Year day can be anything you choose it to be. More to console myself than anything else.

It can be a day for relaxing, working, loafing around or anything at all! You don’t have to be out partying or celebrating. You can just as well spend the day at home, doing what you want, without feeling sad about it. After all, it’s really just another day. I guess its ‘newness’ depends on how you feel, not necessarily on what you do. I don’t even believe in the thought that January 1 of every year represents a new beginning. If anything, it can help refresh you to continue. If a new beginning is what you want, it can happen any day, any moment of the year. You shouldn’t have to wait for one particular day (unless you’re stubborn and really want to!). 

So, yes, I’m going to have a seemingly boring and definitely lonely January 1st. But I’m going to try and be happy about it. Because, well, it’s the start of a brand new year. I’m sure it will have quite a few awesome days to make up for the very first. And, anyway, I’m going to spend the day with stuff I really love – books, movies, blog. 🙂 

Moral of the post – In case you have no New Year plans, do not despair. You can always join me!

Happy New Year, everyone! However you decide to spend the day, make sure you enjoy it! 

And…We Meet Again!

Can you imagine what it would be like to meet one of your closest friends with whom you’ve been out of touch for ages? The happiness, excitement, rush of emotions, thoughts, things to say…and a sort of awkwardness because of all the time that has passed by, a silence because you don’t know where to begin or what to say. You realize that after all those years and the distance, you are a different person, and yet, you are still the same person. (Does that even make sense?)

Well,  that is how I feel right now. Like I’ve just come face to face with a dear friend who I had lost contact with. And, I’m kind of fumbling for words, typing out and deleting sentences, wondering if it sounds right…I don’t know what to say, or if what I say makes sense.

I don’t even want to think of how long it has been since I blogged. Of course, there were times (so many times) when I felt guilty, embarrassed, sad or plain disgusted at myself. But I suppose that wasn’t enough. Honestly, I don’t know what brought me here today. But, now that I am here, let’s just leave it at that.

So, to cut the long story short, I’m at a different point in life, a whole new phase…in a new place, around new people. I still feel surprised when I think of how fast time went by. One day, I was teaching and the next day, I find myself in a completely different place. Not a bad place, I should say, even though I miss home and teaching and the kids.

I’ve always loved new experiences, which is exactly what I know I’ll find in a new place. But there is something I constantly tend to overlook. When you start a new phase in life, initially, there is always a kind of emptiness…a void before it starts getting filled up with new experiences, people, thoughts. I think I’m somewhere in that void right now, and, perhaps, that is what brought me here. The need for something familiar and comforting to help me get through this initial vacuum.

I truly hope I don’t go disappearing again. But, for now, I’m back. And it seriously feels good!

 

 

 

New Girl in the City

Any time there’s a major change, whether it’s going into a relationship, getting out of a relationship, moving to a new city, a death – that usually provides a catalyst for an explosion of creativity.
– Lucinda Williams

So, the major change, in my case, might not have led to an ‘explosion of creativity’, but, I’m feeling a lot better than when I wrote the previous post. Well, inspite of my lack of interest, I took up this utterly boring front-desk job at an advertising agency in Dubai. The motivating factors? The thought of moving to a new city, meeting new people, exploring new opportunities, going through new experiences. And that’s how the move to Dubai happened. I work 5 days a week and come home to RAK for the weekend.

Even though my job is boring and least challenging, I like the fact that I have a lot of time on hand. I spend most of my time online, reading blog posts & news articles or replying to some mails. While the youngsters at my office aren’t very welcoming or friendly (in fact, hardly any of them talk to me), the older ones are quite friendly. It’s kind of weird; maybe, they just need time to accept me. Anyway, for now, all I need to keep me going is the prospect of exploring the new city and the experiences it has to offer. The absence of a good friend to talk to or confide in can be overlooked, I suppose. Atleast for now.

After moving in to a comfortable place to stay (with some friendly, sweet people for roommates), my first challenge was finding my way around, to and from work. You will be able to understand the horror of the situation, if you know how terrible my sense of direction is. I had to travel by metro (for the first time) and the first time I reached office by myself, I felt this intense sense of achievement. Like I had done something. Definitely not something difficult or unattainable;but something new, which is what matters to me, after all.

Of course, there’s the foot ache, slight neck pain (from sitting in front of the computer for too long) and the constant feeling of disorientation and being lost. Yet, at the threshold of each new experience, I sense a burst of zeal, because I’ve been yearning for it. Inspite of being a stranger, I love the way the city welcomes me, without being too intimidating. The people I’ve come across have been extremely helpful, even if it meant sacrificing a few minutes of their busy schedule.

Now, I have time for everything. Even with the 8-hour job, the travelling and everything, I have time to write, to read and time for myself. Maybe I had to have these new, strange experiences to get myself back to normal. And, of course, that would inevitably mean: more to blog about! 🙂

Kind of what I look like at work, minus the nail file, of course! 😀

Let’s Catch Up!

So…I think I’m back, and I know I’m repeating a line that has been part of atleast 4-5 previous posts. Around 7 weeks after my previous post, here I am, finally typing something onto a page that I’ve opened up a hundred times in the past few days. Well, a lot has changed. Obviously. How can things remain the same for 7 whole weeks, anyway?

Well, in case you’d like to know, I quit my job at Kochi (Kerala), bid farewell to some awesome friends (and some beautiful, memorable places) and have come back to RAK. Home. It’s just been around 7 months since I left this place. It used to feel like ages when I was in Kerala, but now, once I got back, it feels like I hadn’t gone at all.

I suppose RAK is the place where I spend that interval period between two phases in my life. Because, now, I’m here to take my time and figure out what I want to do next. I haven’t yet begun the ‘figuring out’. I don’t want to force myself to dwell on it and find an answer. Let it come by itself, I know it will.

So, while I’m in the process or relaxing, lazing around and trying to do some serious thinking, I will also have a lot of chattering to do… Do keep a watch on this space! 🙂 I’ve missed my readers – regulars and the random visitors alike – as much as I have missed the experience of blogging.

And while you’re here, why don’t you tell me what you have been upto? 🙂 

Just Another Perfect Day

You know what I hate about my work? Not dislike or disapprove. But truly hate? The fact that it has robbed me of time for myself, my

At work, this is how I’ve felt every day of the past one week…(for different reasons, obviously)

passions and people who matter. I don’t remember when was the last time I got to be by myself, just enjoy some solitude and peace, doing what I feel like. I can’t recall when was the last time I spent a truly happy, relaxing weekend by myself. I miss writing, blogging and reading. I miss the touch of my books…the feel of pen running over paper…the exhilaration of fingers falling over the keys and forming coherent words on the screen. I miss spending time with friends, talking to them.

Last day, I was writing in my diary after a long time. And I realized how much I miss writing. It has been a long time since I wrote out what’s in my head. And my head’s never devoid of thoughts, I’m sure you know. It was never (and never will be) the lack of thoughts that caused this gap. After a tiring, draining day at work, there’s only so much energy in you…and the time and zeal are so not enough to help me stay up.

But I noticed something very surprising, during the past two weeks. Almost every day after my previous post, my daily stats have crossed the usual numbers. Which is super-awesome…and inspiring, in some ways, since I’m getting a good number of visitors when I haven’t posted in around 2 weeks.

Today morning, after a long, long time, I’m alone. My roommate left for work by 5:30am, after waking me up. The others have gone home and will be back sometime today. Taking hold of the awesome opportunity, I got up early. After finishing off some chores, I thought I would sit out in the balcony area and, perhaps, enjoy the morning. Sunshine, breeze, clear blue sky (after a heavy rain). And, coffee. But then, that’s what I do every morning. And so, for a change, I’m listening to some awesome music and letting out those pent-up thoughts of past two weeks (some of them, that is).

I have been through a super-difficult week at work. It has taken a toll on my happiness and peace of mind. At a certain point, I was almost on the verge of quitting. But then, I wondered, “Is this all I can endure? If I don’t have the strength to go through something as silly as work pressure, how can I ever be able to live through life?” And I had made my decision. It’s true that I miss a lot of significant things. But I know that this will pass… Passion is not something that leaves you one fine day. If it did, it wouldn’t be called passion. Like I’m doing now, I’ll always come back to what means most to me. How could I not? When this is what makes me ‘ME’ – the power to put
crazy thoughts into words and the nerve to put it out in the open for all to see.

[About to hit the ‘Publish’ button, and I think : “Whoa! That felt great. Brilliant way to start the week.”] 🙂

This and That… – Basically, Thoughts

It was Onam yesterday, and I got two days off from work. Since I’m away from home, it was mostly like any other day, nothing special. When I spoke to dad, he asked

English: Pookalam during Onam days in Irinjala...

me what was happening for Onam and I had nothing to tell him. Because there’s nothing happening over here. And that made me think. All these religious or cultural festivals mean nothing to me. I get a holiday, which is great. And…well, that’s it. I haven’t felt an attachment to any of them that would make it special for me. And why? Because it was always the presence of my family that made any day significant for me.

Christmas is my favourite festival and time of the year. Now, when I try to understand why, I don’t have an answer. I’m not religious, I don’t attach any significance to the beliefs or practices behind Christmas. But it is special, nevertheless. Very much so. Because it was always special for my family. They made it different for me. Their enthusiasm, interest and spirited approach to the festival is my most vivid memory connected to it. Which is probably why it has always been so exceptional for me.

Over here, so far away from my family, all these special days have lost their charm, for me. They don’t mean anything to me, except a lot of dear memories. There are so many other aspects or elements in life that have significance for you only (or mostly) because of what it means to your loved ones.

Tuesday was an awesome day! For the first time ever, I went clothes-shopping by myself. I’m not a fan of shopping. I don’t enjoy shopping, especially by myself, and especially for clothes (none of this is applicable when it comes to books). It was an impulsive decision. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. When I got back, there was nobody at home. I can’t tell you how super-happy I was. I got some quality time for myself, after so long. I didn’t know how much I had missed spending time by myself, with absolutely no one around. I used to get enough and more of it, while at home. But over here, getting some time all for yourself is like a treasure. So, I made most of the two hours or so I had. I shouted (shouting has a liberating effect, for me), sang out loud, danced around, talked to myself, spent sometime looking outside, sipping coffee… And, had 2 delightful hours by myself. 2 hours that gave me an enlightening thought – I’m at a most beautiful point in life, a phase that I had longed for. And I’m truly enjoying it. The past 2 days have proved, with all the more emphasis, that life does give you what you want/ask for.

Sleepy & Babbling

I’m disappointed. And irritated. And angry. All at myself. I haven’t been trying to find time for what I love the most. Even when it comes to diary-writing, I wrote something on Sunday, after a gap of almost three weeks. I’m so NOT liking this.

I haven’t had any dearth of topics to write about. There were times when I felt moved to write about some incidents. But, well, that never happened (evidently). For the past two days, I’ve been working on this one post and it hasn’t gotten anywhere yet. So, today, I got tired of feeling bad and not doing anything about it. I decided I would post something, even if it turns out to be random nonsense (like always!).

Life’s going fine. Work is good. I’ve almost got used to the surroundings and started fooling around with people (which happens only when I’m comfortable). I’m not saying it’s all good and happy every day. It does get on my nerves, at times. I miss lazing around. But that’s ok, I suppose I’ve done more than enough of that during my three years at college. 🙂

During these three weeks, I’ve learnt a lot. I have observed people, understood a lot about some, realized some painful truths and yes, learnt some lessons, gained some experiences. One basic lesson is : Do NOT trust anyone blindly; take your time. People can be really weird and I’ve realized that I should take my time before I decide to trust someone (Exceptions possible). I think I have heard and seen enough to get it into my head.

Apart from that, I’ve had a lot of thoughts (nothing new there!). Serious thoughts about what I’m doing, my future, the people in my life, what I want in life… Yet to find answers, though. By the way, have you noticed? The Freshly Pressed posts have been awesome, during the past two days particularly. Very thought-provoking, beautiful posts.

Today, I was sort of moody. So, on the way back, I got into this bookshop near my home. Having a lot of books around me helps in lifting my spirits. Works always, worked today. But I think I’m back to the moody phase. I’ll get over it, I’m sure. Meanwhile, thanks to all the strong emotions in my head, I have been writing a good lot of nonsense stuff in my diary. 🙂 Am I rambling too much? Maybe I’m just sleepy…